Your Weekly Top Ten Is OMG TOMORROW IS WONKETTE BABY TODDLER HUMAN'S BIRTHDAY!
OH HI WONKERS. YOU GUYS! STOP THE PRESSES! WONKETTE BABY TODDLER HUMAN GROWN WOMAN DONNA ROSE IS HAVING A BIRTHDAY TOMORROW! SHE IS TWO YEARS OLD, IF YOU CAN BELIEVE SUCH A THING, PFFFFFFFFFFFFT! When we started full time at Wonkette she was not even born, and we didn't quite realize this means we have been here yelling at you full time for more than two years and we missed our anniversary. So ... let us now make this post about ourselves!
Just kidding. Say many happy birthdays to Donna in the comments, which she will read all by herself, because she is as smart as a common nuclear physicist.
OK it is almost time for the top ten story countdown. First though, we must ask you for GIVE US MONEY. See, we are 100% funded by you readers, and we have no ads, and we love it, and you love it, because they do not eat your browser. But we have to keep asking you to give us dollars and subscription moneys and things in order to make this system work. We explained all this in your monthly reminder post about how we need moneys, on a regular basis, to keep this place running without ads. Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.
Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness. She agrees that you should give us dollars, FOR BIRTHDAY PRESENTS:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Oh go fuck yourself, Ivanka Trump. By far, the number one post! For the second week in a row! If you didn't read it, do that, then share it and make it go viral again.
2. If you did not watch James Comey's testimony at the Senate Intel Committee, you are obviously out of the loop. But you can read Wonkette's liveblog, which is HILARIOUS.
3. Glenn Greenwald's The Intercept published a REAL BIG SCOOP, and still managed to fuck it all up.
4. This "alt-right" troll chick took a trolling picture, then sued Fusion for taking her trolling picture seriously.
5. Donald Trump's idiot lawyer just NAILED James Comey for "leaking" unclassified information, to his friend.
6. JOHN MCCAIN, ARE YOU OK? DO YOU NEED TO FIND A POLICEMAN OR A GROWNUP?
7. Josh Duggar IS SUING for the emotional distress of everybody finding out he molested his sisters.
8. Oh wow, it's just too bad there's no "affordable care" sort of "act" for this fired racist Breitbart writer.
9. Suggestion: Is it possible that Ivanka Trump is just bad at fashion? An old story that is new again!
10. And finally, Pat Robertson and Jim Bakker are pretty sure Manchester and London were just ASKING for those terrorist attacks.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:
You are very good. For following our orders, here are many more pictures of Donna, from her many worldwide travels around the United States. Some of these pictures also include Rebecca, Shy, Rebecca's son and also lovely Wonkers like you!
OK be good this weekend, or don't.