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HELLO WONKET IMPORTANT REMINDER! We may be done with our most recent hell week in America, but a new one is starting on Monday, and it should be an interesting one, because Robert Mueller is testifying on WEDNESDAY, which means we are liveblogging on WEDNESDAY. And then we are leaving you forever probably, just kidding we guess we'll come back on Thursday. That was your Timely Reminder to set your alarm clocks to let you know when it is "Wednesday." Shall we count down some stories? Yes!

Before we count down the top ten stories, though, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Jeffrey Epstein, Stay In Jail!

9. SDNY, Are You OK? Blink Once For 'Yes,' Blink Twice For 'Bill Barr'

8. It's Turtles All The Way Down. And Kitties.

7. No Bail For Epstein, Who Won't Be Using That Pedophile Bugout Bag After All

6. Robert Mueller Testimony Maybe Delayed Because Oh My God Democrats, Get Your Shit Together

5. If Trump Says Somebody Called Him 'Sir,' He's PROBABLY Talking About His Imaginary Friend

4. Pour A Few Gallons Out For The Trump Cabinet Fallen

3. Shit, Devin Nunes Found The Collusion! It Was HILARIOUS ZINGERS The Whole Time!

2. Trump Says His Racism Is Cool, Because Many Racists Agree With Him!

1. Bianca Devins Was A Beautiful Girl. A Man She Trusted Murdered Her. That's The Story.

Those are good stories!

Another kid pic:

OK that's all, go with God, etc.

Love,

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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