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YO HEY, it's the weekend before Christmas! 'Twas the weekend before Christmas and all through Wonkette, we ain't here right now because we're sleeping off more holiday parties, WHOA IF TRUE! OK sorry that didn't rhyme, but we hope you are having a nice weekend and Trump hasn't 'sploded the whole world while we've been asleep. (Has he? Say so in the comments!)

But your weekly top ten is here and we are going to count down the LAST TOP TEN STORIES OF THE YEAR before it is New Years'. Aren't you 'SCITED?

You are.


Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Does The Treasury Department Have A Teensy Russian Spy Problem? We Are Just Asking!

9. Robert Mueller Responds To Michael Flynn's Whining: 'Hahahahahahahaha Fuck You'

8. White House Forgot To Hire Babysitter For Trump's Christmas Vacation, Oh Shit!

7. There's RATS Outside The White House, Blanche

6. President Art Of The Deal Gets His Precious Mexican Border Wall, Just Kidding Nope

5. Elijah Cummings's New Holiday Classic: '51 Ways I'm About To Kick Trump's Ass'

4. Chris Christie Nopes Out Of Chief Of Staff Job, Has 15% Popularity Rating To Uphold

3. Crybaby President Can't Handle Saturday Night Live Making Jokes About Him.

2. Tucker Carlson's Latest White Supremacist Whoopsie Has Cost Him An Advertiser.

1. ENTIRE SENATE TELLS DONALD TRUMP TO GO EAT A FUCK

Those are very good stories! About terrible things, mostly!

OK one more pic of the Wonkette toddler for Christmas:

OK this post is over now.

Go with baby Jesus,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Alex Díaz de la Portilla on Facebook

Alex Díaz de la Portilla, former Florida Republican state senator, is in hot water over a leaked WhatsApp chat log that appears to show campaign workers chatting about destroying or disappearing absentee ballots filled out for the candidate's opponent in the nonpartisan county election, according to the Miami New Times. Díaz de la Portilla ultimately came in third in the May 2018 special election for a seat on the Miami-Dade County Commission, so even if some of his people did deep-six some ballots, it didn't apparently help him. Clearly, these pikers could have learned a lot from the experts in North Carolina about electoral fuckery.

Still, you have to appreciate just how brilliantly Díaz de la Portilla plays the role of a local pol accused of just a teensy bit of ratfucking.

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Photo: Tony Webster, Creative Commons license 2.0

Under the Trump administration, the Environmental "Protection" Agency has adopted the vital mission of doing everything it can to prop up the dying coal industry, largely because 1) Coal CEO Robert Murray is among Donald Trump's best billionaire buds and 2) every last trace of Barack Obama's presidency must be eradicated. To that end, the New York Times reports the EPA is now planning to "change how it calculates the health risks of air pollution," to make it easier to reverse Obama's "Clean Power Plan" regulations and replace them with far dirtier air, for coal company fun and profit. It's remarkably similar to another bit of EPA fuckery from December, when the agency decided it was no longer "appropriate and necessary" to regulate mercury emissions from coal-fired power plants, claiming that the costs of regulating the neurotoxin was very very burdensome and wouldn't provide any real savings by comparison. In both cases, fucking around with the math and redefining pollutants as No Big Deal are at the heart of the agency's claims that coal plants can spew more pollution without doing any harm.

Now, before you freak out, we will not be making you do math. Stop whining, you. Rather, we just want to highlight once again how Team Trump changes the definitions of things to give a great big benefit to dirty energy while insisting that it's "protecting" the environment.

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