Your Weekly Top Ten Is Sleeping Right Now, Please Shut Up With Your So-Called 'Breaking News'
Hi, everyone! It is Saturday and it is your weekly top ten post and we are exhausted and we are now hibernating. If there is "breaking news," please keep it to yourself, because we ain't care. OK! You know how this works. We show you pics of Wonkette toddler, like the one above, we ask you for money because YOU PAY OUR SALARIES, and we count down the top stories of the week, and then it is over. So let's do this!
First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!
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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
Did we mention we love you?
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Dear Pissed-Off High School Kids: If Adults Threaten To Punish You For Protesting, FUCKING DO IT ANYWAY. Week number two at number one!
2. Robert Mueller Is About To Hit The Fucking Bull’s Eye On Trump-Russia, And It Will Be HOLY SHIT. Pretty sure we're right about this one.
3. The Top Two Sickest Pete Souza #TrumpBurns In The Past 48 Hours, Because He Only Did It Twice. God, he is just the best.
4. HOPE HICKS! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HOPE! She went away!
5. Rick Gates, Fucking Dummy, Tried To Put One Over On Bob Mueller. A Lawsplainer! TOTAL FUCKING DUMMY.
8. Deleted Comments: From Hell’s Heart I Stab At Thee! I Will Never Stop Until Wonkette Debates Me! SPOILER: That guy stopped.
10. Triggering The Libs: A How-To Guide For Conservatives. Bookmark it, wingnuts!
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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You are very good, here are more pictures of the toddler. Actually, the first one is a FACE the toddler made with her toys, which led her to exclaim, "Papa, I made a face! Take a smile!"
Yours in baby Jesus,
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