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Hi, everyone! It is Saturday and it is your weekly top ten post and we are exhausted and we are now hibernating. If there is "breaking news," please keep it to yourself, because we ain't care. OK! You know how this works. We show you pics of Wonkette toddler, like the one above, we ask you for money because YOU PAY OUR SALARIES, and we count down the top stories of the week, and then it is over. So let's do this!


First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!

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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

Did we mention we love you?

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Dear Pissed-Off High School Kids: If Adults Threaten To Punish You For Protesting, FUCKING DO IT ANYWAY. Week number two at number one!

2. Robert Mueller Is About To Hit The Fucking Bull’s Eye On Trump-Russia, And It Will Be HOLY SHIT. Pretty sure we're right about this one.

3. The Top Two Sickest Pete Souza #TrumpBurns In The Past 48 Hours, Because He Only Did It Twice. God, he is just the best.

4. HOPE HICKS! HOPE! HOPE! HOPE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING? HOPE! She went away!

5. Rick Gates, Fucking Dummy, Tried To Put One Over On Bob Mueller. A Lawsplainer! TOTAL FUCKING DUMMY.

6. The Week In Garbage Men: Misogynist Sites ‘Return of Kings’ And ‘A Voice For Men’ Now Official Hate Groups. 'BOUT DAMN TIME.

7. America’s Greatest Artist, Jon McNaughton, Proudly Presents Donald Trump’s Sad Wrinkled ... Flag. LOL oh my God.

8. Deleted Comments: From Hell’s Heart I Stab At Thee! I Will Never Stop Until Wonkette Debates Me! SPOILER: That guy stopped.

9. Did Devin Nunes Fuck A Bad Cow Before He Went On ‘Fox & Friends’? JUST ASKING.

10. Triggering The Libs: A How-To Guide For Conservatives. Bookmark it, wingnuts!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

You are very good, here are more pictures of the toddler. Actually, the first one is a FACE the toddler made with her toys, which led her to exclaim, "Papa, I made a face! Take a smile!"

OK bye.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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This weekend, hundreds of people are gathering in Denver, Colorado for the 2018 Flat Earth Conference -- two whole days of people with suspiciously Andy Warhol-like hair yelling "Where's the curve?!?" and talking about ice walls -- and we are missing out! Flat earthers are kind of the best of all conspiracy theorists, because aside from a few fascists and anti-Semites in the mix, they are mostly harmless cranks who just want to feel like they are way smarter than all of the scientists. As far as I know, believing in a Flat Earth, while stupid, has never hurt anyone -- which is honestly kind of refreshing these days!

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Every so often on this here internet, we get a hate read that is so perfect, that so aptly encapsulates a particular form of douchebaggery that we all must collectively gasp at it's awfulness and revel in the general repulsiveness of the arrogant human being so lacking in self-awareness that they actually thought it would be a good idea to write such a thing. Today, I bring you such a hate read -- Matthew Binder's A Glimpse Into the Ideological Monoculture of Literary New York.

And yes, it's actually worse than it sounds, if that is possible.

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