Your Weekly Top Ten Is TOPTENCEPTION!
Yr Wonkette put away the last of the Thanksgiving leftovers, vacuumed the dog hair and visitor boogers out of the carpets, and got back to the serious work of making fart jokes about the news, and here are your Top Ten stories, brought to you in countdown order by Yr Dok Zoom today because Evan is off moving into his new apartment with a brand new King-Sized bed, making him the first Wonkette staffer to actually deserve the "King" moniker in the comments. DON'T PANIC: Lula has room to run around and chase the squeaky chicken at the new place!
Here are your Top Ten stories of the last week, as chosen by Princess Peachlumps and also science:
10. New York Times Introduces Us To Dumbest F*cking Gay People In America. Two rich white gay dudes think Donald Trump is the best ever and can't figure out why no other gay people like them anymore.
9. The Top 5 Places Trump And Putin Are Going To Secretly Meet At The G20, Ranked By How Quiet They'll Have To Be. A preview of the planned, cancelled, then surprise!-uncancelled "impromptu meeting" between Donald Putin and Vladimir Trump. (Spoiler: Trump said "No Collusion" again at some point)
8. Why Would John Bolton Listen To Khashoggi Murder Tape? He Doesn't Even Bone Saw In Arabic! John Bolton doesn't need to hear a Washington Post journalist's dying screams to not give two shits about it.
7. Until The Bare Lies Shine Through: Your William S. Burroughs Thanksgiving Prayer 2018. Rebecca said this was beautiful last week, and so we'll say it's beautiful this week and cite our source.
6. Melania's New Christmas Hell House Is Up. 'Tis the season. For BLOOD AND MURDER AND HORROR!
5. Larry Klayman To Sue Robert Mueller For Jerome Corsi, So Wonkette Can Die Happy! :D It's an early Festivus present! Wonkette's favorite terrible lawyer has a lot of problems with you people, and even more problems with lawyering.
4. Seth Moulton's Flawless Victory Over Nancy Pelosi Is Flawless. Also Hilarious. A leadership challenge in the House results in nothing, not even a pony, because having an actual challenger is how those things usually work. At least the New York Times got a shitty, disingenuous headline out of it. Another one, we mean.
3. Don't Buy These Wonkette Bazaar Christmas Gifts Today, It Is Buy Nothing Day Dummies! Date-specific headline no longer operative. Buy EVERYTHING now. From us!
2. Here Are The First Two Lies Trump Told Robert Mueller. They weren't even very good lies. But Trump's lies never are.
And for what we think may be a Wonkette First, but are far too lazy to check, Yr TOP STORY of the past week is:
1. Last Week's Top Ten! It's like Googling "Google" or parking on the parkway and driving in the driveway! Or maybe it was like a holiday weekend where we didn't publish anything else until Monday, which is an outlandish proposition but just possible. That's Yr Wonkette: Recursive as Fuck.
Also, a special Bonus Throwback Thursday, a couple days late! Thursday was Yr Editrix's and Yr Shypixel's fourth wedding anniversaire! When Yr Dok Zoom was visiting the boss's family for Thanksgiving, we snapped a pic of the handsome couple:
Couple of damn cuties! Nicest folks I ever united in secular wedlock. Only ones, too!
Now give us money, peasants!
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.