Sorry, guys, you know we love writing you the top ten stories and stuff, but lately we are so exhausted when we write this thing (at the end of the Friday) and we are so anxious to get to the important work of drinking and napping (not at the same time ... OR IS IT?) that we just don't have much to say at you! We promise we will become interesting again, at some point in the future. Hooray, let's count down some top ten stories of the week!

Before we count down the top ten stories, though, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Angelina Jolie's Dad Rambles Incoherently About How Much He Loves Donald Trump

9. Julian Assange Is An Absolute Piece Of Shit. And Now You Have To Defend Him.

8. A Few Thoughts On Pete Buttigieg's Dick Brother-In-Law Who Doesn't 'Agree' With Chasten's 'Gay Lifestyle'

7. Roadrunners Are Real, And They're Spectacular!

6. Happy Memorial Day From Donald Trump, Who Loves America More Than You Do

5. Robert Mueller Has One More Thing To Say About Bill Barr's Lies. A WEIRD THING.

4. Seb Gorka's Mustang Is Firin' On All 4 Cylinders Right Now!

3. The Week In Garbage Men: No Country For Old Pick-Up Artists

2. Trump Tells America He DID NOT EITHER Have A Temper Tantrum, SHUT UP STINKY NANCY!

1. Do Y'all See What Nancy Pelosi Is Doing Yet? (Yep! Two weeks in a row!)

Hooray, those are very good stories!

One more kid pic:

OK that's all, goodbye, go with God, etc.



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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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It started with them damn hats. (Image: Wikimedia Commons)

A guest post by "Knitsy McPurlson," which we suspect is not a real name.

Yr Wonkette is not the only website run by brilliant peoples unafraid to poke people with sharp, pointy sticks. – a website for knitters, crocheters, and other folks interested in textiles and fiber arts – is poking people with knitting needles, which are very sharp indeed.

This past weekend,'s founders showed the world how easy it is to de-platform white nationalists and racists when they banned all "support of Donald Trump and his administration" from their website, concluding they "cannot provide a space that is inclusive of all and also allow support for open white supremacy." Seems like people smart enough to decode a knitting pattern are also smart enough to decode Trump's not-so-hidden message of racism and white nationalism.

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One day, God willing, my grandchildren will click open their history textbooks and read about the Central American migrant internment camps. They'll learn about sick kids, locked in cages, kept hungry and dirty and cold for weeks on end, and they'll be horrified.

"Bubbie," they'll say, "how could this happen in America? How could there be toddlers sleeping on the ground without blankets, without soap or toothbrushes to clean themselves?"

"I don't know. I wish I had done more. I'm ashamed," I'll say. We will all have to answer for this atrocity. But some of us will have to answer more than others. Not just the archvillains like Stephen Miller and John Kelly, but the people who kept right on doing their jobs, even as those jobs morphed into defending concentration camps.

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