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Oh hey! You know how we were out of town for one million years and also took some days off and you cried and cried about how much you missed us? Uh well anyway, we are back, WOMP WOMP. But while we were gone, we were in New York, helping out with the Golden Probe Awards AKA sexism's most glamorous night! We met Stormy Daniels! And also Margaret Cho and some of the cast of "Orange Is The New Black" and also too other people, including a couple #famouses we already knew! (Because we are also too very famous.)

The Golden Probes are just like the Golden Globes except for how instead of movies and TV shows, it gives awards for excellence in sexism and misogyny committed by sexist misogynist politicians (mostly men, but a few women too) who are all running for election or re-election right now. Put on by the Lady Parts Justice League, which was founded by Wonkette pal Lizz Winstead, the show features categories like "Best Original Science" and even gives out a Pro-Lifetime Achievement Award! It was fucking hilarious and everybody did such a great job and we can't wait for the next one.

Are we telling you this just so you are jealous? Yes. No! We are telling you because the show was last Saturday night, but that was just the TAPING for the WEBCAST, which happens Sunday night at 8 PM ET! You can watch it at GoldenProbes.com and also on a couple of big Facebook pages and maybe if we are nice, we will throw up your own personal Wonkette watch party for you right here. And maybe even on Wonkette's Facebook page! (SPOILER: We are planning to be nice and do that.)


So! This is your top ten post, but we wanted to give you a heads up. Now we count down stories? Yes we count down stories, and then we have Wonkette toddler and baby granddaughter videos to BREAK YOUR WHOLE INTERNET.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. The Week In Garbage Men: GOP Congressman Wishes You Gals Could Be More Chill About Groping

9. Police Arrest First Proud Boy. Surprise! He Also Likes Beating Up Women.

8. High School Gun Humpers' Walkout Was Astroturf Operation, Big Surprise

7. Georgia Election Now Featuring Slightly Less Fuckery, So Hooray!

6. Chuck Schumer Unclear On Difference Between Vandalism And Attempted Murder

5. No-Show Almost-Interior-Inspector-General Shitcanned From Previous No-Show Post

4. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand Will Cut Your Yarbles Off If She Must, But ONLY If She Really Has To.

3. Ecuador Tells Julian Assange To Get Off The Couch, Or They're Taking His Cat

2. Let's All Just Watch This Video Of Some Guy Ranting About 'Q' Going Missing, OK?

1. Looks Like 'Bomb Stuff' Suspect Is Trump MAGA Idiot Of Our Dreams!

Hooray, what a fucking weird week!

As promised, you now get toddler and grandbaby videos, from yr Editrix Rebecca:



Hooray, good top ten post! Come back tomorrow night for the Golden Probes! Goodbye now!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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