Oh hey! You know how we were out of town for one million years and also took some days off and you cried and cried about how much you missed us? Uh well anyway, we are back, WOMP WOMP. But while we were gone, we were in New York, helping out with the Golden Probe Awards AKA sexism's most glamorous night! We met Stormy Daniels! And also Margaret Cho and some of the cast of "Orange Is The New Black" and also too other people, including a couple #famouses we already knew! (Because we are also too very famous.)

The Golden Probes are just like the Golden Globes except for how instead of movies and TV shows, it gives awards for excellence in sexism and misogyny committed by sexist misogynist politicians (mostly men, but a few women too) who are all running for election or re-election right now. Put on by the Lady Parts Justice League, which was founded by Wonkette pal Lizz Winstead, the show features categories like "Best Original Science" and even gives out a Pro-Lifetime Achievement Award! It was fucking hilarious and everybody did such a great job and we can't wait for the next one.

Are we telling you this just so you are jealous? Yes. No! We are telling you because the show was last Saturday night, but that was just the TAPING for the WEBCAST, which happens Sunday night at 8 PM ET! You can watch it at and also on a couple of big Facebook pages and maybe if we are nice, we will throw up your own personal Wonkette watch party for you right here. And maybe even on Wonkette's Facebook page! (SPOILER: We are planning to be nice and do that.)

So! This is your top ten post, but we wanted to give you a heads up. Now we count down stories? Yes we count down stories, and then we have Wonkette toddler and baby granddaughter videos to BREAK YOUR WHOLE INTERNET.

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. The Week In Garbage Men: GOP Congressman Wishes You Gals Could Be More Chill About Groping

9. Police Arrest First Proud Boy. Surprise! He Also Likes Beating Up Women.

8. High School Gun Humpers' Walkout Was Astroturf Operation, Big Surprise

7. Georgia Election Now Featuring Slightly Less Fuckery, So Hooray!

6. Chuck Schumer Unclear On Difference Between Vandalism And Attempted Murder

5. No-Show Almost-Interior-Inspector-General Shitcanned From Previous No-Show Post

4. Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand Will Cut Your Yarbles Off If She Must, But ONLY If She Really Has To.

3. Ecuador Tells Julian Assange To Get Off The Couch, Or They're Taking His Cat

2. Let's All Just Watch This Video Of Some Guy Ranting About 'Q' Going Missing, OK?

1. Looks Like 'Bomb Stuff' Suspect Is Trump MAGA Idiot Of Our Dreams!

Hooray, what a fucking weird week!

As promised, you now get toddler and grandbaby videos, from yr Editrix Rebecca:

Hooray, good top ten post! Come back tomorrow night for the Golden Probes! Goodbye now!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

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Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

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