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Oh hey, holiday weekend! So, it's your top ten post, and if you were paying attention to yr Wonkette this week, you know we had to give the New York Times's Glenn Thrush some shit, for being all "OMG TRUMP JUST BECAME PRESIDENTIAL" about Donald Trump's trip to Texas. We hated to make an example out of him, because he is far from the worst offender, but he still deserved it. AND HE KNEW IT. Here is Glenn Thrush, being a great sport about the dressing down we gave him:

Well played, Glennforth Thrushington III, well played!

OK, quickly, before we count down the stories, let's shake y'all down for some money. We can hear you crying out, "CAN I PLEASE DONATE SOME MONEY TO THE WONKETTE?" (That is very sweet of you!) Why yes, you may, as we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could also purchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says "Hell. No." and the other says "Literally Anyone Else 2020." See?

There are many other products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store!

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is Wonkette's Top Salesperson of the Month when it comes to shaking you down for donations/buying stuff:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. It's the Glenn Thrush thing, about Glenn Thrush waking up on the "Chris Cillizza" side of the bed! Read it again!

2. Did you know Barack Obama visited Hurricane Katrina survivors way back before he was even president? He did, despite what wingnuts and bots on the internet think.

3. Paul Manafort's notes from Donald Trump Jr.'s Russian spy meeting are real and they are SPECTACULAR!

4. We had to tell Ivanka Trump to go fuck herself again, because she suggested to Planned Parenthood that maybe they should stop doing abortions. Fucking oblivious asshole.

5. America's best patriotic Jesus artist Jon McNaughton really phoned it in with his latest piece of "art."

6. Hey you guys, did you hear about that time Donald Trump was a lunatic?

7. Scumbag Blackwater sadist freak Erik Prince really wishes the homosexual agenda would stop crashing all our Navy ships.

8. Hey Paul Manafort! Hey Michael Flynn! Special counsel Robert Mueller is literally IN YOUR ASS.

9. Dinesh D'Souza had some breaking news this week about how Nazis fucked a lot, like common Democrats.

10. And finally, here's a love letter to the estate tax.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

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OK bye have nice holiday weekend!

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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