Hi, everyone! It is Saturday which means we are NOT HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS. And neither are you, because you are marching with Wonkette at the GON' GRAB YER GUNS march, for kids! (Click for details!) But your top ten is here! So, we have just finished another exhausting week in Trumpian hell, and half of your top headlines are about Cambridge Analytica, which is something we never would have imagined as the Trump-Russia scandal unfolded. All our top ten stories are about data? Wut? Anyway, shall we count down our stories? IN A MINUTE, HOLD YOUR HORSES.

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. BREAKING: Something Is Happening. Well, it was!

2. Cambridge Analytica DID NOT Use Ukrainian Prostitutes As Honeyp … Oh, You Mean THEM? Scummy-ass company.

3. Oh So Mike Pence Is Allowed To Be Alone With GAY GUYS He’s Not Married To. Gotcha. Would Mother approve?

4. Uh Oh, Looks Like There’s A Gay Bunny-Shaped Crack In Mike Pence’s Gay-Hatin’ Armor! Mother DEF does not approve of this.

5. Here Are The 579,852 Dirtiest Cambridge Analytica Scoops In Channel 4’s New Video! Like we said, scummy-ass company.

6. My Goodness, Why Are We Being So Mean To That Nice Hope Hicks??? Five Dollar Feminist wrote a MEAN post, you guys.

7. Shit Meets Fan For Cambridge Analytica And Facebook. ‘BOUT GODDAMN TIME. Did we call CA a scummy-ass company yet?

8. The Week In Garbage Men: Love In The Time Of The Deplorables. Scummy-ass garbage men.

9. Donald Trump Jr. Almost As Good At Marriage As He Is At Having A Normal Human Face. I wrote a MEAN post, you guys.

10. Ew Gross, That Lady Made Another Song About Rubbing Nakeds With Donald Trump Jr. I wrote ANOTHER mean post, you guys.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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