Donate

Hi, everyone! It is Saturday which means we are NOT HERE, MOTHERFUCKERS. And neither are you, because you are marching with Wonkette at the GON' GRAB YER GUNS march, for kids! (Click for details!) But your top ten is here! So, we have just finished another exhausting week in Trumpian hell, and half of your top headlines are about Cambridge Analytica, which is something we never would have imagined as the Trump-Russia scandal unfolded. All our top ten stories are about data? Wut? Anyway, shall we count down our stories? IN A MINUTE, HOLD YOUR HORSES.


First, let's pay the bills, because those are important. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our modest but livable salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE, especially now that it's 2018 and we have a chance to TAKE THIS COUNTRY BACK! Or at least Congress!

So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow, and also go to that march! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

Another way you can do that is to BUY WONKETTE SWAG! There MANY products in Ye Olde Wonkette Generale Store! You are interested in purchasing them all!

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, encouraging you to throw your wallets at us OW OW OW YOUR WALLET IS HEAVY LIKE A BRICK:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

Did we mention we love you?

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. BREAKING: Something Is Happening. Well, it was!

2. Cambridge Analytica DID NOT Use Ukrainian Prostitutes As Honeyp … Oh, You Mean THEM? Scummy-ass company.

3. Oh So Mike Pence Is Allowed To Be Alone With GAY GUYS He’s Not Married To. Gotcha. Would Mother approve?

4. Uh Oh, Looks Like There’s A Gay Bunny-Shaped Crack In Mike Pence’s Gay-Hatin’ Armor! Mother DEF does not approve of this.

5. Here Are The 579,852 Dirtiest Cambridge Analytica Scoops In Channel 4’s New Video! Like we said, scummy-ass company.

6. My Goodness, Why Are We Being So Mean To That Nice Hope Hicks??? Five Dollar Feminist wrote a MEAN post, you guys.

7. Shit Meets Fan For Cambridge Analytica And Facebook. ‘BOUT GODDAMN TIME. Did we call CA a scummy-ass company yet?

8. The Week In Garbage Men: Love In The Time Of The Deplorables. Scummy-ass garbage men.

9. Donald Trump Jr. Almost As Good At Marriage As He Is At Having A Normal Human Face. I wrote a MEAN post, you guys.

10. Ew Gross, That Lady Made Another Song About Rubbing Nakeds With Donald Trump Jr. I wrote ANOTHER mean post, you guys.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

You are very good! We love you!

Here are a couple more kid pictures from recent Wonkette parties:

OK bye.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc