Oh hey, everyone! It is your weekly top ten post, and honestly, we are ZZZZZZZZZ so we are going to make this fast. You know the drill. You watch the Wonk Toddler video above and become AMAZED at how big she's getting. Then we ask you for money, and you give it. Then we count down the top ten stories of the week. Then we say "OK BYE OR WHATEVER." Ready? LET'S GO! Watch the video above. OMG IT IS SO GREAT.

Now we shake you down for dollars. We can hear you crying out, "CAN I PLEASE DONATE SOME MONEY TO THE WONKETTE?" (That is very sweet of you!) Why yes, you may, as we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

For instance, you could also purchase our sexxxy blue baseball caps. One of them says "Hell. No." and the other says "Literally Anyone Else 2020." See?

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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is Wonkette's Top Salesperson of the Month when it comes to shaking you down for donations/buying stuff:

YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW

We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Anti-immigrant hate goblin Tomi Lahren's great-great grandpa only forged his citizenship papers A LITTLE BIT. A Wonkette investigation!

2. Julian Assange showed his true colors, in the form of this white hood.

3. An "elderly" Swedish woman smoted a men's rights activist's dumb ass, and in so doing, did a mitzvah for the WHOLE WORLD.

4. Holy SHIT, how many lies did Donald Trump Jr. tell to the Senate on Thursday? ALL OF THEM KATIE, probably.

5. Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer cock-punched Donald Trump in the face, and HE LIKED IT.

6. This one Russian wingnut is pretty sure it's Trump Pee Tape O' Clock!

7. Donald Trump wrote a sad, stupid letter about all the reasons he hates James Comey. It was very dumb.

8. Oh neat, now we are arresting nurses for upholding the Constitution. Just great.

9. What the darn-diddily-doodily? Did Mike Pence tell YET ANOTHER FIB?

10. And finally, your Deleted Email from last week, in which we learned that Evan Hurst (AKA MYSELF) has the "vocabulary and intellect of a middle school paint huffer." It's a good thing Dok reads hate mail from the rubes, because I sure the fuck don't.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

Oh, hey, sign up for our newsletter RIGHT NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT:

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OK bye, we are off to huff some paint like a middle schooler!

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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