Your Weekly Top Ten Sure Does Love Tomi Lahren Genealogy Stories!
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Oh hey, everyone! It is your weekly top ten post, and honestly, we are ZZZZZZZZZ so we are going to make this fast. You know the drill. You watch the Wonk Toddler video above and become AMAZED at how big she's getting. Then we ask you for money, and you give it. Then we count down the top ten stories of the week. Then we say "OK BYE OR WHATEVER." Ready? LET'S GO! Watch the video above. OMG IT IS SO GREAT.
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Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is Wonkette's Top Salesperson of the Month when it comes to shaking you down for donations/buying stuff:
YOU CANNOT EVEN RIGHT NOW
We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:
1. Anti-immigrant hate goblin Tomi Lahren's great-great grandpa only forged his citizenship papers A LITTLE BIT. A Wonkette investigation!
2. Julian Assange showed his true colors, in the form of this white hood.
3. An "elderly" Swedish woman smoted a men's rights activist's dumb ass, and in so doing, did a mitzvah for the WHOLE WORLD.
4. Holy SHIT, how many lies did Donald Trump Jr. tell to the Senate on Thursday? ALL OF THEM KATIE, probably.
5. Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer cock-punched Donald Trump in the face, and HE LIKED IT.
6. This one Russian wingnut is pretty sure it's Trump Pee Tape O' Clock!
7. Donald Trump wrote a sad, stupid letter about all the reasons he hates James Comey. It was very dumb.
8. Oh neat, now we are arresting nurses for upholding the Constitution. Just great.
9. What the darn-diddily-doodily? Did Mike Pence tell YET ANOTHER FIB?
10. And finally, your Deleted Email from last week, in which we learned that Evan Hurst (AKA MYSELF) has the "vocabulary and intellect of a middle school paint huffer." It's a good thing Dok reads hate mail from the rubes, because I sure the fuck don't.
So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!
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OK bye, we are off to huff some paint like a middle schooler!
Yours in Christ,
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