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Hi Wonkers, our headline is a joke. This week beat the shit out of us. You won't be mad if we just half-ass this post, will you? (Nope, because you love us.) So it is time for the top ten post, where we count down the top ten stories!

We'll so that in a sec, but first MONEY PARAGRAPH. You see, we have no ads, therefore all our operating expenses and all our salaries are paid by YOU! Yes, you right there, and you really are looking nice today. Wonkette is taking on new writers and trying to give raises to the ones who work eleventy-three hours a week already to tell you amazing stories, and we want to be able to do this MORE AND MORE! So please please please sign up to do monthly donations, so we can grow and grow! Will you do that? They can be small monthly donations, medium monthly donations, or YOOGE monthly donations. It takes all kinds! We even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, OR MONTHLY MILLION THOUSAND DOLLAR SUBSCRIPTIONS, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and sign up to throw money on our face every month! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 361, Polson MT 59860 (new P.O box address! Update your address book!). Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Elizabeth Warren, We Love You So Fucking Much. You Are So Fucking Wrong Right Now. We were MAD AT HER.

2. Donna Brazile, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING. We were just asking.

3. I Spent My Sunday Taking Down The Literary Darling Who Assaulted Me, And Boy Do I Feel Shaky. A must-read from Robyn!

4. Donna Brazile Wrote A Thing. Oh. She did. And it was bad.

5. Let’s Read Carter Page’s Batshit Testimony Together, While Wonkette Liveblogs It! WE SPENT SEVEN HOURS DOING THAT FOR YOU.

6. Papa John’s So Sad That Only Nazis Like Their Shitty Pizza Now. What exactly did they think was going to happen?

7. Congratulations, Chef José Andrés, You Win 2017. Because he is a HERO for what he's doing in Puerto Rico.

8. What The Hell, Rand Paul’s Neighbor???? A story that still isn't any clearer than the day we published it.

9. No. You Don’t Get To Kill Yourself. Neither Do I. A raw and honest story from yr KillerMartinis.

10. And finally, Meet Virginia (Where An Absolute GOP Bloodbath Is Happening, LOL). That was literally just an open thread with no information in it, that we stuck up while election results were coming in, and yet it was your TENTH FAVORITE.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Now you get a present, it is the Wonkette Toddler Woman in Zion National Park this week! "It's amazing here!" she said, because she has all the best words.

OK bye.

Yours in Christ,

Wonkette

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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Help Wonkette LIVE FOREVER! Seriously, if you can, please help, by making a donation of MONEY.

[Washington Post]

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