Your Weekly Top Ten Sure Is Sick Of All These Slow News Weeks ZZZZZZZZZZ

A vest! Donna Rose!

Hi Wonkers, our headline is a joke. This week beat the shit out of us. You won't be mad if we just half-ass this post, will you? (Nope, because you love us.) So it is time for the top ten post, where we count down the top ten stories!

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Elizabeth Warren, We Love You So Fucking Much. You Are So Fucking Wrong Right Now. We were MAD AT HER.

2. Donna Brazile, WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDDING. We were just asking.

3. I Spent My Sunday Taking Down The Literary Darling Who Assaulted Me, And Boy Do I Feel Shaky. A must-read from Robyn!

4. Donna Brazile Wrote A Thing. Oh. She did. And it was bad.

5. Let’s Read Carter Page’s Batshit Testimony Together, While Wonkette Liveblogs It! WE SPENT SEVEN HOURS DOING THAT FOR YOU.

6. Papa John’s So Sad That Only Nazis Like Their Shitty Pizza Now. What exactly did they think was going to happen?

7. Congratulations, Chef José Andrés, You Win 2017. Because he is a HERO for what he's doing in Puerto Rico.

8. What The Hell, Rand Paul’s Neighbor???? A story that still isn't any clearer than the day we published it.

9. No. You Don’t Get To Kill Yourself. Neither Do I. A raw and honest story from yr KillerMartinis.

10. And finally, Meet Virginia (Where An Absolute GOP Bloodbath Is Happening, LOL). That was literally just an open thread with no information in it, that we stuck up while election results were coming in, and yet it was your TENTH FAVORITE.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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OK bye.

Yours in Christ,


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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