Your Weekly Top Ten Triumphantly Concludes Another Week Of Michael Cohen Falling Into His Own Asshole

Oh hey, Wonkers, it is Top Ten time, and we are going to make this even more faster than usual because on top of how we are exhausted by this latest week of MICHAEL COHEN'S BULLSHIT, our Friday (which is when we write this) was some real bullshit for NON-WONKETTE reasons we will not elaborate on right now. Suffice it to say that a good #LifeHack, if you are selling property THAT HAS TENANTS to a new person, is to make sure everybody is on the same page when it comes to things like keeping utilities turned on through the transition. We are just gently saying!

OK, we will count down some posts in a sec.

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We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Fuck Are All These Russians Doing In Michael Cohen’s Sex Payoff Slush Fund????? The original Michael Cohen Falls Into His Own Asshole post, at least for this week!

2. We Watched Trump’s Weak Loser NRA Speech So You Don’t Have To. GAH IT WAS DUMB.

3. Everybody Who Maybe Bribed Michael Cohen Needs To STOP FUCKING TALKING RIGHT NOW. Unfortunately for them, they did not take Wonkette's advice.

4. Michael Avenatti Just Being Sexy, Saying Rudy Giuliani Is A Damn Fool, Being Sexy Some More. He is very good at all three of those things.

5. How Long Do We Have To Listen To White Dudes Whine Before They Are Officially Uncensored? PROBABLY FOREVER.

6. Rachel Maddow Has Questions About Michael Cohen, And They Are All LOLOL THE FUCK YOU SAY? As we said just above, all those companies KEPT TALKING.

7. Hey Trump, YOU BEEN FUCKIN’? The Entire Internet Is Just Curious! WELL HAS HE?

8. A Post About Devin Nunes By A Guy Who’s Seen Seven Episodes Of ‘The Americans’. And now we have seen TWELVE.

9. Fox News Shitmouth Has Thoughts About John McCain, To Shit Out His Mouth. Seems to be going around!

10. Deleted Comments: Attack Of Multi-Troll Almost Distracted Us From Arizona Legislator’s Furry Saga. Shot! Chaser!

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OK anyway bye! Don't do anything we wouldn't do this weekend!

Yours in baby Jesus,


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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