Your Weekly Top Ten Wishes Angela Merkel Was Our REAL President

OH HI WONKERS. Did you see the hilariousness that was Angela Merkel reading Donald Trump for filth Friday afternoon, with her eyes? GO SEE IT IF YOU HAVEN'T. Then come back to your weekly top ten post, which is where you are right now, #WonketteFact.

So, we will count down your stories in a sec, but first, may we please ask you for some money? YES WE MAY, because we are your real dad! But yeah anyway, we are 100% funded by you readers, and we have no ads, and we love it, and you love it, but we have to keep asking you to give us dollars and subscription moneys and things in order to make this system work. Will you throw $5, $10, or $25 at our faces? Or we even take thousand dollar and million dollar donations, like if you are a secret famous celebrity fan of Wonkette! Seriously, if you are able -- DO NOT MONEY US IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT -- then pull out your wallet and throw money on our face! You can also pull out an envelope and stamp and send money to Wonkette, PO Box 8765, Missoula MT 59807. Or do a subscription! Whatever, just please support us any way you can.

Look, it's the traditional Wonkette Baby Donation Pressure Lion Of Cuteness, who is just ROARING about donation moneys:


We shall now count down the top 10 stories of the week, chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

1. Y'all sure did love that story about the gay-hatin' Tennessee state senator/doctor who happens to have done sexxx business to his cousin/patient.

2. In which we tell the internet to PLEASE SETTLE DOWN ABOUT RACHEL MADDOW, OH MY GOD.

3. How many feminists does it actually take to ruin the most hilarious video in the world? JUST ONE.

4. Superlawyer Larry Klayman wants to put all the liberals in jail, but in a legal and peaceful way.

5. Remember when Rachel Maddow broke the internet by tweeting that she had Trump taxes, and then everybody was like "aw nuts" when she only had two pages of his return from 2005? We liveblogged her show!

6. Goodness, Republicans are getting SASSY AS F-U-K about Trump's dumb Obama "wire tapp" lies.

7. This woman right here is an asshole.

8. Remember that weird server registered to the Trump organization that only communicates with this one bank in Russia? Ayup, the FBI is still investigating that!

9. Just a nice wholesome story about Steve Bannon, his ex-wife, her coke dealer boyfriend, and a hot tub full of acid.

10. And finally, did you all see the amazing healthcare plan President Hillary Clinton released this week? It's so great, and it's exactly why a majority of us voted to elect her president.

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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