Your Weekly Top Ten's Wonderdog Messed Up Her Face, But Don't Worry It Got Better


HEY-O! So yeah, Lula the Wonderdog messed up her face. OK not really, but you know how she is old now? She is 13 going on 14, and still has all her puppy spirit, but certain things don't work quite as well as they used to. For instance, she ended up with an abscessed molar, starting last Saturday! We were getting ready for a party and she sat on the ground and looked up at us just so, right at the perfect angle for us to see HOLY SHIT WHY IS YOUR CHEEK SWELLED UP LIKE THAT. Clearly she was in pain, so we didn't go to the party, and early Sunday morning we headed straight for the vet, where she stayed all day. We went back on Tuesday, and she ended up having THREE TEETH PULLED, but don't worry, she's still got all the rest of 'em and they are strong and she doesn't look like an idiot any more than she looked like an idiot before this whole affair.

Here she is after she came home from the vet Sunday night, still swollen but already feeling better because FUCKED UP ON THE GOOD SHIT:

And here she is three minutes ago, swelling almost all the way gone and feelin' fiiiiine, because still FUCKED UP ON THE GOOD SHIT.

What we are trying to say is that our dog does drugs.

Shall we count down the top ten stories? We shall!

Stories chosen as usual by Beyoncé:

10. Gavin McInnes Out At Blaze TV After A Week, So Let's Look At Some Of Their Other Dumb Shows!

9. Let's Laugh At The Sad Alt-Lite Convention That No One Showed Up To!

8. A Few Gentle Remarks About The Gay Quisling Federalist Idiot Whining About How Persecuted He Is

7. SDNY Will Put Michael Cohen TO DEATH! OK Not Really, But It's BAD (For Him)

6. Is Donald Trump A DrugSnorts McNoseFace? It Would Be Irresponsible Not To Speculate!


4. John Kelly Voted Off The Island.

3. Totally Non-Evil ICE Arrests 170 Immigrants Trying To Save Babies From Baby Jails


1. Can Somebody Hold Nancy Pelosi's Beer While She Dick-Punches Trump Some More?

Those are very good stories!

OK now this post is over.

Go with God,


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

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