Wonkette's Yearly Top Ten List Only Happens Once A Year! (That's Why It's Called That, Duh)
Why is that moving picture of Celine Dion right there? You are probably wondering because each and every Saturday we count down the top stories of the week, and our long-runnning
joke FACT is that those stories are not chosen by popularity or web traffic, but rather by a lady we like to call Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter, because that is her name.
But since this is the yearly top ten list, we have a new chooser, and it is Celine Dion, who is so famous.
So! This works just like the weekly top ten, except for how it is the top ten stories of THE WHOLE YEAR. It's a pretty good list, and tells you a lot about what we've experienced as a nation and as a Wonkette this year.
Shall we write a bunch more filler words, or should we just count the fuckers down?
We think we should just count.
Robyn has had to write stories like this one million times, because of this weird thing that happens after (INSERT LATEST MASS SHOOTING OR BOMBING BY WHITE MAN HERE), where all of a sudden we find out the killer has "trouble" with women in some way. And all too often, the media paints them as "lovesick." In this post, Robyn explains that no, actually, that is not what "lovesick" means.
9. The Top 6 Signs Robert Mueller Is About To Indict The Shitfire Outta Some Folks, According To #Science
We wrote that in November, and THE SIGNS ARE STILL THERE. Who will be the next witch found guilty in the NO COLLUSION WITCH HUNT? Guess we'll just have to live through 2019 to find out!
The first of several liveblogs on this list! In this one we told you the story of why fired FBI agent Peter Strzok is such a badass. (He's one of the greatest Russia experts they had, HMMM WONDER WHY HE WAS ON TRUMP'S HIT LIST.) He testified for the Republican-controlled House Judiciary and Oversight Committees in July, and oh boy, what a shitshow. (And OH BOY, what a badass!) Can't wait to liveblog hearings in 2019, when fucking adults are in charge.
Wait, didn't we, like, just write that? WE DID.
6. The Week In Garbage Men: Going Carnivore To Own The Libs, Alex Jones Gets Gone, And A New MGTOW Hero
Robyn's Garbage Men column on the weekends is always very popular! Apparently when you're talking about WHAT A IDIOT both Alex Jones and Jordan Peterson are in one column, it's popular enough to be on the Yearly Top Ten!
The second liveblog of this list! And Donald Trump DID have a BAD FUCKING NIGHT that night, except how he won the Senate, the fake news won't ever talk about how he won the Senate, it was a yooge win, historic ...
4. Of Course Florida School Shooter Was A Girl-Hating White Supremacist. Of Course I Am Tired Of Writing This Article.
Did we mention above that Robyn is tired of writing this same article, but she always has to write it? We did. This time it was after Parkland.
3. An American Hero And A Rapey McGrossFace Walk Into The Senate Judiciary Committee. Your Shitshow Hearing Liveblog!
Our third and final liveblog of the list! Oh yes, the day we always will remember, when Dr. Christine Blasey Ford bravely told the Senate and America what Brett Kavanaugh did to her, and Brett Kavanaugh responded by yelping "BEER!" for three hours. And then he got confirmed to the Supreme Court, because of course he did.
FOR REAL, THAT HAPPENED. Just recently, in fact! Apparently even the GOP-led Senate has a limit with Donald Trump, and it's his cover story for how maybe Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman didn't actually order that AMERICAN RESIDENT WASHINGTON POST JOURNALIST Jamal Khashoggi BONE-SAWED TO DEATH.
And finally, and BY FAR ...
1. Dear Pissed-Off High School Kids: If Adults Threaten To Punish You For Protesting, FUCKING DO IT ANYWAY
That's right, after the Parkland mass shooting, a movement awakened, and it was led by the kids, who are all right. And in response, some of the adults who are NOT all right tried to silence them by threatening them with retaliation if they participated in protests or school walk-outs. So we, yr loyal Wonkette, like any good guidance counselor, told those kids to TELL THOSE ADULTS TO EAT THEIR ASS and protest anyway. Hey, they might get punished, but it'll make for a hell of a college application essay to Harvard, now won't it?
What a fucking year.
Wonkette would like to thank Celine Dion for picking such great stories, and as always we encourage you to click the happy buttons below and DONATE AND SUBSCRIBE, because Wonkette is fully funded by you, the lovely people who read us every day, and without you, there is no Wonkette.
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