You've Heard About His Dumbass Lawsuit. Now Read The GOHMERT MANIFESTO!

Louie Gohmert, the dumbest man in the whole entire Congress, made himself up a lawsuit, which Wonkette lawsplained you yesterday. It is the stupidest lawsuit we have seen yet from these people, and that's saying a lot. Therein, he argues that on January 6, Mike Pence must be granted the authority, not laid out in the Constitution, to be able to decide on his own whether he wants to open the envelopes containing the Electoral College votes of states that voted badly, i.e. did not vote to affirm the eternal authority of President Shitmouth Von Orange.

That way Pence can just count up a bunch of fake electoral votes and make Donald Trump president for life or something! Flawless victory!

Gohmert argues that the Electoral Count Act is somehow very bad, and the procedures laid out for resolving disputed Electoral College numbers are very bad, therefore the court must find the Electoral Count Act unconstitutional. This despite how the Constitution says quite clearly, "The President of the Senate shall, in the presence of the Senate and House of Representatives, open all the certificates and the votes shall then be counted." Pence's whole job is to open the envelopes and look pretty. That's it.

Anyway, there's more the lawsuit than that -- no intelligent arguments or anything, don't worry! -- but you get the gist. Also, as Wonkette's Liz Dye pointed out yesterday, Gohmert is trying to have his squirrel and eat it too here, arguing out of one side of his ass that the Electoral Count Act is unconstitutional WHILE ALSO "simultaneously promising that he and that nutbag Alabama Senator Tommy Tuberville are going to unleash mayhem on January 6 by challenging electors using the procedure explicitly laid out in the Electoral Count Act."

We are confident in assuming nobody in Louie Gohmert's life has ever accused of him being smart, and today's not going to be the first day for that.

Anyway, now the good congressman from the most backasswards hinterlands of East Texas has issued a manifesto, we mean press release, to go with it, which Joe.My.God provides in full.

You might want to put on the Deliverance soundtrack as background music while you read this:

The 2020 presidential election was one we'd expect to see in a banana republic, not the United States of America.

We can only assume he means too many Black and brown people voted.

In fact, the rampant fraud and unconstitutional actions that took place were so egregious that seven contested states– Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, New Mexico, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin all sent dueling slates of electors to Congress.

That didn't happen. A bunch of paste-eating morons putting on "My First Electoral College" costumes and declaring themselves a "dueling slate" does not actually make them a dueling slate of electors.

This puts Vice President Mike Pence in a position where some argue he has to choose between morality and the law.

No one is saying anything like that. The choice is more "the law" or "try to do a coup for Donald Trump even though his role in the Senate on January 6 is ceremonial and he can't actually do anything."

It is also critical to note that as many formerly in the mainstream media, now the Alt-Left media, continue to say that every court has said there is no evidence of fraud.

That is disingenuous, deceitful, and flat out dishonest. The truth is that ...

The truth is that no Trump-supporting lawyer has been able to find their ass with both hands, put together a lawsuit worthy of having an actual judge who went to school look at it, show that they even have standing to bring these claims, and oh yeah, also the thing about no evidence.

We continue to hold out hope that there is a federal judge who understands that the fraud that stole this election will mean the end of our republic ...

We can only presume he means he hopes there's a federal judge who understands that free rides for absolute morons like Louie Gohmert gonna come to an end if Black and brown people keep voting so much.

There must be an opportunity for a day in court when fraud was this prevalent.

Objection, still assuming facts not in evidence. Also, objection, your honor, petitioner is too dumb, can we get a new petitioner?

We are asking the court to uphold the powers laid out in the United States Constitution which grant the Vice President the exclusive authority and sole discretion in determining which electoral votes to count.

As outlined in the filing, the Electoral Count Act is unconstitutional because it directs Vice President Pence to legitimize electoral votes in violation of the Electors Clause and limits or eliminates his Twelfth Amendment authority to determine which slates of electors should be counted and which, if any, may not be counted.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

The D.C. elites want to sweep these electoral injustices under the rug, just as they have done with countless other scandals such as the Russia-collusion hoax, the Biden-Ukrainian quid-pro quo, and Hillary Clinton's mishandling of classified information, to mention only a few.


The end.

Good try, Louie. That was just a very good try.

Bless his heart.


Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE, DO IT RIGHT HERE!

GIVE IT WONKETTE. We mean money. Thank you.

Do your Amazon shopping through this link, because reasons.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc