Yr Wonket Beated Up A Idiot Today And It Was Great, Also Too
You mad, bro? You must be mad because you are like GAHHHHH and ARGHHHHHH and angry comments (which we do not allow) and angry tweets (which we mute) and angry MyFacePlace words (which we ignore) and OMG we even made the spitting rage monkeys at Twitchy (nine paid staffers!) so mad, we are YA BURNT and OH SNAPPED all o'er the place, it's a hot mess, let us tell you, together.
We are a nasty vile snark mob mommyblog recipe hub, with dick jokes. Also vagina jokes, because we are A Ally. That's right, we said "A Ally." No, we are not A Idiot.
Don't you mean "an ally" and "an idiot," hengggghhhh?
Fuck you. No, we don't. The deliberate abuse of our U.S. American-English language is one of our many Wonkette jokes, you see, that we tell here.
Is there some place where I could read all of your supposed inside jokes?
Yup. It's called our website, Wonkette dot com. We have more than a decade of material for you to read, or fap to, whatever. You cannot possibly be aware of all Wonkette traditions. Even we are not aware of all Wonkette traditions, and we are Yr Wonkette. (See? There are, like, eleventy more we just dropped, casual-like, for the olds who remember when.)
Try to catch up so you can catch on, and not look like you need to get a brain, moran, when you tell us how wrong we are, about all the things.
You think you're pretty funny, don't you?
Yup, we sure do. We crack ourselves up all day long. We crack you up too. We know it, and you know it, even if you won't admit it because of our saucy language and our "I can't believe you went there!" going there, which we do, on the regular.
You call this journalism?
No, we call it blogging. It's where we take what's going on, out there in the world, and try to make sense of it, try to connect the dots, try to provide some comic relief, try to make you smile or laugh or feel a tiny bit smarter about something. It's not even new anymore; people on the interwebs have been doing this for a while now,
God, you're terrible.
You know who else thinks we're terrible? Your Xena Warrior Princess, but in real life, and in a good way.
Suck on that.
Are you always this mean?
No, sometimes we give you videos of kittens. But then you complain about that in the comments, which we do not allow.
Wait, are you serious? You don't allow comments?
No, we're not serious. We allow comments, as long as they don't suck too much. Here are the rules. Read them. Follow them. Or else.
Anything else we should know?
What are we, your mom? Stick around and figure it out.
You seem awesome.
No really, I like your sass.
How can I help?
Give us money. We don't have any hedge fund investor daddies to support us. We are not wonky dudebros wearing hipster glasses, with millions of dollars backing us up. We are woman-owned, by Editrix Rebecca Schoenkopf. We are woman-run, by Executive Editor Kaili Joy Gray. We have a gay: Social Media Editor Evan Hurst. We have an old: Managing Editor Doktor Zoom. And we have a straight white dude, Shypixel, for balance. He makes the website work.
We are dependent on you, our readers, what we love. You buy us people and servers and stuff. As for the rest of you smart-ass smart-asses, who are like "Waaah, you said a swear," and "Waaah, you don't rite English good," and "Waaaah, other stupid complaints"?
You know what you can do. Fuck the fuck off is what you can do.
As for the rest of the rest of you, thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.