The budget heroes of Alt0, Texas have run the numbers, and they have concluded the town’s police force was just not very lucrative when it came to the town’s revenues, probably because police are typical “government freeloaders.” Snip saw hack! So the city council cut the police department from the budget, fired all the policemen for not doing anything at all besides sucking tax dollars down the drain, and sent them home. Is it really so bad? Maybe now the fired coppers can work as freelancers, like in Mexico, where the free market handles security decisions correctly, with capitalism. And probably the neighborhood vigilante mob with its rifles will fill in the gaps, so this is now officially a great idea. From Forbes:
“We had to do something drastic,” says Jerry Flowers, a city councilman in Alto, Texas. “The police department,“ the curiously named Mr. Flowers goes on, ”being a non-money-making entity, was the easiest to get rid of while we catch our breath and build up some cash.”
And just like that, Alto did away with its police force. The chief and his four officers put a padlock on their offices two weeks ago today. They’ll be back in six months, assuming the town’s balance sheet gets the love it needs.
Hang in there, Alto. Capitalism will protect you until the socialist freeloader police come back to ruin your lives again. [Forbes]
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{ 250 comments }
It's the long invisible arm of the law.
Or now, the long amputated arm of the law.
EDIT: Coming soon, the long phantom limb of the law.
The invisible hand, chap. The invisible hand.
Finally! Somebody has the balls the build the libertarian utopia we all dream of. Need a police force? Stop sucking at the teat of the government and hire your own!
PinkertonBlackwaterXe stock price skyrockets in 3, 2, 1 …..Time for a comeback, American (Private) Police Force.
Who needs police? When all the citizens are armed as the Founding Fathers mandated in the Second Amendment, they will be no crime.
Good bullet-ridden fences make good wounded neighbors.
Stacks of bullet-ridden neighbors make good fences.
Actually, some town in Colorado did that a while ago.
Actually, actually, we do this all over Alaska since the State doesn't believe in providing doctors, P.A.'s, nurses, dentists, fire fighters, safe water or any kind of public safety in over 60% of its communities.
Remember, this is a state crowing about a $3 – 5 Billion surplus.
Well I am guessing 60% of Alaskan communities don't qualify as white people. No way they can qualify as good, deserving 'Muricans.
libertarian test tube! get a rape kit from the town clerk, missy.
By sheer coincidence, Tom Delay has been scouting real estate nearby.
Meth-shack prices in Alto just went through the roof. Prosperity, here we come!
And a brand-spanking new shell corp aptly named "Alto TX City Council Holdings Co." is buying up these shacks with newly improvised tax incentives/breaks and a wicked load of sudafed.
A lot of things quite literally shoot through the roof when you've the owner and/or occupier of a meth-shack.
this is good news for Rick Perry
'"We had to do something drastic,” says Jerry Flowers, a city councilman in Alto, Texas. "
It makes sense, since Alto means "high" in Spanish. They are probably now relying on Federales to enforce the law…
Actually, it means "stop" (halt). Alta is high.
signed,
Speaks Pretty Good Mexican For A White Guy
Alto, when used an adjective, means "high." For example, alto voltaje (high voltage)
Signed,
Chillwaver, Master of the Non-Messican Spanish.
Alta and alto, depending on the gender of the noun being described, both mean "high." Alto also means "stop", as a command.
Signed,
Loves Sucking Mexican Cock
* golf clap *
Alta is a small town in Iowa.
alright alright,, what is Messican for 'High on Meth' ?
because i think half of Texans is on that situation
Think I'ma head up the road this weekend, start a crime spree.
First stop: bust the padlock on the doors of the the Alto Police Department and steal all the sweet riot gear and pepper spray.
Dammit, and just one minute apart.
Might be the next job option for the unemployed cops!
Well I know where to have my crime spree now. Anyone up for some old-fashioned bank robbing?
And it's Texas, so they'll blame the Messicans anyway.
They'll pass a law preventing illegals from entering banks.
Or teh Joos, since they're so interchangeable nowadays.
There has already been a bank robbery in Alto. But the FBI was able to catch that guy, thanks to the bank's crap-cam and it being a federal crime and all. There has also been a rash of vandalism (including graffiti sprayed on the police station) in that tiny little town (I've been there many times–it is TINY) since the cop shop closed, and so far vigilantes have been powerless to stop it.
I ain't doin' no robbin' and murderin' unless Oliver Stone brings a crew and starts shootin' in a frenzied, psychedelic style with a heap o' different lenses and filters and such!
Or Robert Rodriguez.
You're a man with a long term plan, I admire that.
The fired Police should hire somebody to rob all the City Council members. Who ya gonna call now Bitches.
Ghostbusters!
Blackwater ,, i mean XE ?
Will Walker: Texas Ranger take up the slack single handedly? I just looked up where it's located and it seems pretty close to the border with those shifty Louisianan's.
Oh my. I just looked it up too. That's about 30 minutes from my farm (in, La).
I might just mosey over there and shift on them.
You go shift everywhere while it's a place of anarchy and chaos. It looks like a dead end crossroads though, I must resist the temptation to look up businesses in town and discover just what one does there for fun.
Probably head up the road to Nacogdoches (Na-kuh-dosh-us) and troll for co-eds at Stephen F Austin.
Six Million Dollar man co-eds? What the hell?
Go to the next town, probably.
“We had to do something drastic,” says Jerry Flowers, a city councilman and part-time burglar in Alto, Texas.
That's the bloomin' free market right there.
well on the plus side, everybody in Alto can now get any kind of abortion.
Wow, these folks are even one-upping Bob Nozick–I must say, I am quite impressed. The American South is quite literally the Disneyworld of dystopian fantasy. And if the teabaggers get their way and implement this scary shit everywhere like they want to, then we will truly be wine-cooler-blackout-fucked.
Any upshot to this? Um, it's a great time to invest in spam and hobo beans?
I think the dystopian fantasy its closest to is Road Warrior. So armor plate your Prius, put on some leather chaps and start practising your australian accent.
The Master: Who run Bartertown? Who… run… Bartertown?
Auntie Entity: …You know who.
The Master: Say.
Auntie Entity: Master Blaster.
The Master: Say loud!
Learn to grow your own beans and pigs!
I'm not sure why this is news. Most small towns don't have a police force anymore and rely on the county sheriff to handle law enforcement. The real news should be why a town of 1190 people needed 5 law enforcement officers in the first place.
Might be 1190 bad ass motherfu*kers.
No doubt! It is Tejas, after all.
" The real news should be why a town of 1190 people needed 5 law enforcement officers in the first place."
To protect them from the kids of the Richest people in town?
Speed labs and moonshine stills. Plus, it's in East Texas, better known to us central Texans as "West Louisiana."
And to us West Texans as that place where everyone talks like an extra in Gone with the Wind.
/Relax, I'm sure DPS and the sheriff's office will pick up the slack.
Seriously. If we could split East Texas off from the rest of the state, Texas would probably look a little better in those by state statistics on health, education, etc.
Plus, Jasper. And Vidor. And the "Golden Triangle" *cough*.
Jasper. I can't even hear that town's name without getting sad.
Oh hell, just take everything north of Houston (yes, I'm looking at you, "The Woodlands"), then draw a straight line across Louisiana north of Alexandria, and cede the whole steaming shitbag to Arkansas.
I went to Vidor once ,with my ex who was writing a piece about the KKK in that town and we met the Grand Wizard, creepy old fella, and stayed the night in a very revolting motel.
Didn't the accession treaty have an option to split Texas up 5 ways?
I can't imagine any of Governor Goodhair's cronies being in favor of anything which would lessen their influence. Still, maybe I'll look into it. If I find out anything, I'll report back.
Thanks to my good friends at Wikipedia, I found the text of the annexation and it's in there. It's all about keeping balance between free states and slave states of course. However, as Snopes points out Article IV Section 3 of the Constitution already covers that.
1190 people hardly merit calling the place a "town." More like a village or a hamlet where I come from.
Wide spot in the road.
It would be relatively large in Iowa.
If you do it right, a police force is a good little money maker. Especially if you get the ticket income, but can foist the cost of court processing on the county.
When I moved from California to the Midwest, I was struck how every little village, even if surrounded by a bigger town, insisted on having its own force. Then I got pulled over for going 45 in a 35 (downhill, mind you) on the 4 blocks of the one major road Leland Grove (population 700 or so) shares with Springfield the same day my wife got pulled over for almost the same shit, and all was made clear.
Maybe Josey Wales or Chuck Norris will show up and help dispense justice, the old fashioned American way.
Josey Wales was an outlaw, wasn't he?
In name only.
>
Blackwater or some newer corporate incarnation is prolly bidding on the work as we Wonk. Privatize, baby, privatize!
Xe this.
What's in a name. “Private SS Organization” would smell as…….foul.”
That's how the Mafia and the Triads got started, I believe.
Nothing like legally protected “protection” and graft.
You can't argue with a record of positive results. I always say, good enough for Iraq, good enough for America…
If only our schools, infrastructure could be so generously funded.
The police department…being a non-money-making entity…
weird. chicago police have always been very good at making money.
I think LA and NYC, with your Ramparts and your Vic Mackey and Serpico, have much more entrepreneurial centurions. Chicago cops have always been too busy beating confessions out of black kids to worry about squirreling away a little something extra.
Apparently not everything's bigger in Texas.
Explaining the big trucks, big talk, big swagger, and the big fascination with big guns.
(and Rick Perry's Big Secret)
(and Rick Perry's Big Secret)
To borrow from a classmate in my 11th grade AP European History section, in reference to a third student (who was a fully-shaved swimmer & thespian), "He has to be gay — his [anus] is two-feet wide!"
And how, exactly, did he know how wide it was?
Yeah, who the fuck needs cops when everybody carries a gun around?
In a related development, managers of Alto's sole Dunkin Donuts announced that they are declaring bankruptcy.
Unintended consequences = free market donuts from some nice old lady kitchen!
Did it not occur to them, an increase in city taxes might have solved this dilemma? Oh, I forget: No new taxes… regardless.
Look if you want your fancy-pants po-lice and fire and ambulance and schools with book-learnin' leave America and move to Boston.
The Tea Partiers were right. What we need is small gubbermint.
And did the Sacred Founders of America establish a police force in Alto, Tejas? I think NOT!
I feel comfortable assuming that the funds previously allocated to police are now being drawn by some alderman's cousin with a shiny new "contract" with the town.
I see you were paying attention in Civics class.
You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West.
You know… morons.
I believe they spell it "Morans."
Two words Alto Texas. Balck Water. I hear they're looking for work and with Groupon you could save some real $$$$$.
The unemployed cops could find work helping clean up that oil spill in Montana's Yellowstone river. That's an opportunity to get to know black water if I ever heard of one.
This is good news for Eirc [sic] Prince.
And they're only 12 miles down the road from the Rusk State Hospital (sometime-home of Roky Erickson of Thirteenth Floor Elevator fame) and 80 miles from the big-ass state prison in Huntsville! No worries!
"Maybe now the fired coppers can work as freelancers, like in Mexico, where the free market handles security decisions correctly, with capitalism. "
You say someone is breaking into your house and you think they will try to rape you?
Uh, according to our records, you're late on your Security Service payment.
Sorry, but it looks like you're just going to have to lie back and enjoy it….
The firemen in Ohio County, Tennessee have already established the Mexican System.
Manly Jebus and his prophet Bryan Fissure approve.
"Delroy, wanna be the new judge when you have some free time?"
"Yeah, I reckon I could do that."
Hey, the fire department is a non-money-making entity too! More savings!!!
And schools–schools don't bring in any money, either! Hell, comes right down to it, there's a lot of gummint activities that don't have any immediate payoff, so they should all be shut down.
From the picture, I see Bush is still clearing brush.
What a country. We can fire police departments, but we cannot raise taxes on corporate jets. Good thing we have our priorities straight.
That's because corporations create jobs!
…In other countries.
And their CEOs need bizjets to visit those off-shore sweatshops. Honestly, this is so obvious.
Priorities? Balderdash! Everybody knows teachers, bus drivers and cops bankrupted the economy.
The blacks and browns with their ridiculous mortgages nobody told 'em to take out held the economy down while Union Thug teachers and firemen fucked it in the ass!!! OBAMACORN!!1!11!
"This is absolutely not an idle threat intended to scare citizens into passing a supplemental levy," said the mayor. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go home and tell my son if he doesn't mow the lawn, I'm going to take his dog to the pound."
Wasn't the pound operated by the now defunct police dep't?
Perhaps the villagers can hire 7 itinerant warriors to protect them from outlaws.
Akira, is that you?
Kambei Shimada: "This is the nature of war. By protecting others, you save yourselves."
Magnificent!
I see whatchu did there.
I saw what Yul did there, too.
The original movie (Kurosawa's, with Toshirô Mifune), is amazing. It's 207 minutes long and you can't look away for a second, even though it's in B&W with subtitles. You can stream it on Netflix.
This works so well in wu shu movies!
Hell, send them boys from Alto over to El Paso, what with all those car bombs going off.
I heard that on NPR this morning too. He is a major dick.
I almost ran my car off the road this morning after hearing the mayors of El Paso and Laredo basically say that dear Rick doesn't know shit about what's going on in the border cities, and that basically he should STFU.
Begging Obama and Jesus for help from drought, "carbombs" and gunfire like a nun or 14 year old girl in a '60s Western isn't the best way to build a national profile for a presidential bid.
Can't believe they even rated that as "half-true." I am sorry, but in my book, that's 90% lie.
"Not intended to be a geographical statement"
Basically, Alto decided to freeload on the County for police services. Thank goodness they're in east Texas and not down in the Rio Grande Valley. Outside of some meth labs, their main security concern is ticketing people speeding on the way to a Louisiana casino.
They probably got themselves a police department originally to set up speed traps over on the state highway and increase revenue.
Then when they raised the speed limits fewer people were getting ticketed. Yeah, it all makes sense now.
Tot mom innocent !!! The countdown to the Penthouse layout in 3…2…1…
Nancy Grace has decided to impose death penalty anyway
Nancy Grace is, in her own special way, worse than the Death Penalty. Nancy Grace is cruel and unusual punishment.
An enthusiastic upfist for "Tot mom".
Why do people think she's "hot"? Looks like a duck-faced nightmare to me.
A duck-faced nightmare with BOOBS. Duh.
She looks like something straight out of the Lord of the Rings, something vaguely not human about her.
quick, everybody go rob jerry flowers's house!
Has Councilman Flowers figured out that the City Council is also not a money-making department?
It was in Bell, California.
Hey, Flowers, little heads up.
Councilers could also be considered "a non-money-making entity"
being a non-money-making entity
U R doing it rong!!
Seriously. Do you know how many shitholes there are like this in AZ that center their budgets on the tickets from the local police? Lazy Texans.
“The police department,“ the curiously named Mr. Flowers goes on, ”being a non-money-making entity, was the easiest to get rid of while we catch our breath and build up some cash.”
What, Alto's police officers don't know how to solicit bribes? Sounds like they just need some re – training…
Snark off, I lived for years in an unincorporated area of our county. A group of concerned citizens (concerned about city taxes, that is) got together about ten years ago and incorporated our area into a city, as a blocking move to prevent ever having the expansionist San Antonio annex us and provide us with city water, fire protection, police protection, etc. Now we have a bunch of Barney Fifes driving around running speed traps and hitting their sirens and driving 80mph to get on up to the Antler Inn whenever the new waitress comes on shift. We were just fine with the county Sheriff as our law enforcement. I'd be willing to bet that the police in Alto just weren't giving out enough traffic tickets to justify their existence.
But you have your freedom, which is worth anything.
Sounds like a close call – you could have ended up in an urban environment.
Alto is deep in East Texas Piney Woods. This announcement is one of the "brother-in-law" arrangements where the commissioned peace officers were layed off while the town leadership (think Boss Hogg) already has a new law enforcement regime ready when the time is right.
Don't worry about the police officers. I'll suspect they all just started to work for Pilgrim Farms as security officers for the chicken processing plant and will make sure none of the Yankee sons-of-bitches Union bastards don't make it beyond the county line.
My grandmother from my Mom's side passed about 11 years ago. She lived between Crockett and Kennard. After the funeral we auctioned everything off. Mom told me on the way out of town "I damn sure have no reason to return to this bastion of in-breeding and corruption. Do you, Son?" I had a very concise answer: "Nope."
That sounds mighty fuckin' picturesque. A regular Prairie Home Reno 911.
Alto! Por el orden
de la Leydel Desperado.There's a bank in texas that is going to get the shit robbed out of it for the next 6 months.
Actually, four would-be robbers tried to hit the bank the day the police station was officially shuttered. Only they waited until after hours. Hard to rob a bank when the door's locked.
Any group of bank robbers with style will ride up on horses a la The Wild Bunch. Otherwise it's like hitting kids and stealing their lunch money. Tacky.
Model A Ford was good enough for Clyde Barrow and Bonnie Parker.
is anybody thinking what I'm thinking?…………..it's party/crime spree time in Alto!
Not a money-making entity? Take some lessons from Tenaha.
…" was the easiest to get rid of while we catch our breath and build up some cash.”
In five months, I am going down there and steal all their cash,
Yep, sure seems like …peaceful…little town…be a shame if anything were to…..HAPPEN to it…..Ahem.
This used to be a police station
Now it's only fields and trees.
Where, where is the town
Now, it's nothing but Flowers.
Oooh, nice one! You got it!
Que rico!?
the curiously named Mr. Flowers
I must be missing something–why is Flowers a curious name?
I don't know, but it seems to fit with this somehow.
(EDIT: …I shoulda read One Yield Regular's post first…)
see: Weiner
I'm thinking the original surname may have been Flores. Just a guess. Lenny Bruce once observed something interesting about Barry Goldwater, "Most Jews changed the name and kept the religion" [Goldwater kept name, changed religion][?].
Fiscal conservatism: cutting spending on a government service, ultimately offloading the costs onto the next level of government up (in this case, the county's sheriff).
That's the smell of freedom, people!
Sounds more like Socialism. The people of Alto expect the rest of the county to bear the expense of protecting them.
Au contraire. It's only socialism when it's on your balance sheet. Shifting the debt onto someone else's tab is how our Founding Fathers intended it.
I tell you whut, that county gubmint better not raise taxes.
Patton Oswald did kind of a funny bit about that movie.
"Texas Chainsaw Massacre"
when you see a title to a movie, you get a free movie in your head.
So when you see the words "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" you know you're in for some
shit.
I've never seen that film, but it was certainly playing in my head a couple weeks ago when I walked down San Francisco's Haight Street at 6:30 in the morning and saw some guy dressed entirely in black walk past carrying a chainsaw.
It was the sort of thing drive-in theaters were invented for.
Doesn't work so great with Naked Lunch, though.
(couldn't find a clip of Nelson Muntz saying "I can think of at least two things wrong with that title")
Whad'ya mean the cops aren't making any money? In my town, the cops write "tickets" for law breakin' and the government receives money when we pay our tickets. Are Alto cops just shootin' people who break the law? Or waivin' their fingers and shoutin', "GOD DAMN IT, I SAID CUT THAT OUT!"
"Don't make me take off this belt!"
This is a good idea. I can't see any downside at all…….Hey! who just kidnapped and raped my wife?
Where's the fucking money, Alto?
Oops, my bad.
If a crime spree happens and there are no cops to actually see it did a crime spree really happen?
When are those goddamn kindergarteners going to start turning a fucking profit?
One of the chief functions of small town cops is to sit in speed traps and write tickets with exorbitant fines to out of state peoples. Clearly these officers didn't know their real duty.
Yeah, I've always thought of small town cops as a money making MACHINE for their little municipalities. (Seriously.)
Clearly these cops weren't clued in properly.
Now they'll just call the national guard when the messkins start invadin'
What does this have to do with Casey Anthony?
She's going to have her own TLC show after the other new show "Lawless in Tardville,TX".
Exactly!
That trial has held the entire 'above the fold' ink from the LSM in a vice for the last couple of weeks. Now that the number one tourist draw in Florida has ended in an acquittal, there is the oh so remote chance that the LSM might devote one or two column inches, or the ether/blog equivalent, to the fact that the Rethugs are going to put US frickin' A in default, and the couple of three warz going on that are sending home body bags, and that troublesome recession for the ho hum, too boring middle class.
/ 100% snark free
Exactly! What'll be the next "shiny object" to distract us from our suicide mission? You can bet it'll be missing, blonde and female, like usual.
It's a good thing she didn't kill a fetus.
Well that was a totally logical and reasonable response.
Besides, not a money-making department? Henh? All the ones around here make more money through speeding tickets and ordinance violation tickets than those other lazy town departments, like administration and finance! They don't make any money!
I say we go down there and take over.
*smacks teabagger* "What're you gonna do? Call the cops?"
Bwahahahahaha!
Who will write speeding tickets on the poor souls who must travel through this shithole?
But I heard this morning on Socialist Public Radio that Rick Perry is describing Texas as "under attack" from Mexican drug lords. How is this going to help?
The government is always the problem. Do you not pay attention when conservatives state their plans? Well, their love of Reagan quotes as non-sequiturs more than a plan, but still…
"Mexican drug lords" = the voices in Rick's head.
I read this weekend, that Texas authorities were telling people not to go across to Nuevo Laredo, because they were positive that Americans would be targeted on July 4th.
And all this time, they've been trying to convince the rest of America how Texans were a bunch of bad asses.
Como se dice "chickenhawk"? I've got the "chicken" part down, but can't figure out "hawk".
That problem should die down after he does his "prayin' to God/love-in", right? RIGHT??
God will solve all our problems.
OT Ha ha: http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/washington/2011/0...
Sarah Palin film 'The Undefeated' draws 50 people at Texas advance screening
Where did they get the 49 people (assuming Wasilla Witch was there) to make up that crowd? Offer free bottles of Strawberry Ripple to the folks on the street?
Or they were 90% film critics, eager for another D- / half-star.
From the comments: "Governor Sarah Palin is as far as I am concerned the greatest historical political figure for good, on the planet."
Pfft–and they say liberals worship Barry?
"They’ll be back in six months, assuming the town’s balance sheet gets the love it needs."
That's what you fucking think. The only people who are going to work for that town now are ex-cons. No one else in their right mind would.
"They’ll be back in six months,
assuming the town’s balance sheet gets the love it needs."Assuming the town is still standing or hasn't been turned into some kind of Thunderdome nightmare.
I am guessing we have a spot picked out for the Wonkette convention.
uh, did they let the prisoners out? Or are they sitting there waiting for Randall Flagg to make them an offer?
Please direct your questions regarding this matter to councilman Trashcan Man.
There is NO hope for the United States at this point. What's right is wrong and what's wrong is right, corrupt government completely beholden to big business. Simon says piss in the bottle if you want a jerb. We need to unite with red state and throw out the whole rotten edifice, or facade of democracy (republic). Hey, I know: everyone in the United States should take the whole month of September off, show these MFers the value of labor.
By coincidence, I've been thinking far happier thoughts since reading this James Fallows piece in the Atlantic during my morning workout:
Through the entirety of my conscious life, America has been on the brink of ruination, or so we have heard, from the launch of Sputnik through whatever is the latest indication of national falling apart or falling behind. Pick a year over the past half century, and I will supply an indicator of what at the time seemed a major turning point for the worse. The first oil shocks and gas-station lines in peacetime history; the first presidential resignation ever; assassinations and riots; failing schools; failing industries; polarized politics; vulgarized culture; polluted air and water; divisive and inconclusive wars. It all seemed so terrible, during a period defined in retrospect as a time of unquestioned American strength. “Through the 1970s, people seemed ready to conclude that the world was coming to an end at the drop of a hat,” Rick Perlstein, the author of Nixonland, told me. “Thomas Jefferson was probably sure the country was going to hell when John Adams supported the Alien and Sedition Acts,” said Gary Hart, the former Democratic senator and presidential candidate. “And Adams was sure it was going to hell when Thomas Jefferson was elected president.”
Of course, finally getting my ass to the gym may also have helped my mood, too.
Please use the right URL when you poo-poo our concerns!
Poop. I usually double-check my links, I really do….
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2010/...
Yeah, but, the Republicons back then weren't the batsh!t evil fukkers that we have now that are holding us hostage. Everyone of those dicks and dickesses needs to be gone – yesterday. VOTE THE FUKKERS OUT!
Thank you for calling the Alto TX 911 automated emergency response system. For English, press 1…
Can I move in and set up amsterdam coffee shops and weed ranches, undisturbed?
I have to tell you though, I'm really curious about that guy's name.
Or maybe I'm not and the guys at Forbes need to get out more and meet more people. With different last names. Because not everybody's last name is Smith, Jones, or Forbes.
If his name was BillyBob, Jimbo, or simply Bo, would it get reported?
YEEHAW!!! It'll be like Appalachia afore the railroads came through!! Declare yer clan or get a be-hind fulla buckshot!! Wait'll them Hatfields hear my diss-rap!
Wait- you just called jism "buckshot!"
Squeal like a councilman!!
Sing with me!
Bad boys, bad boys.
Whatcha gonna do?
Whatcha gonna do, when they come for you,
In around 6 months or so?
I can picture Marlin Brando riding into town with the Black Rebels.
There is something fishy about that…
Something sounds fishy with that.
In tonight's very special episode, ex-Sheriff Taylor begins glad-handing for State Farm, Barney provides bumbling security for a local meth lord, Goober adds to his B&E panty collection, and no one suspects Floyd the Barber in the string of unsolved schoolgirl murders.
Who will ask brown people for their papers?
Maybe the Messicans woulda policed for cheaper.
No worries, the disbanded police force just privatized, ala Mexicana, and are now calling themselves The Betas. They're apparently still divided over whether their calling sign will be a 1.0 or a cheap tropical fish.
I'm surprised Gotham City didn't try this once Batman showed up.
I sure would not want to be living in this town right now. They just about hung up a sign for all rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists to show up in town.
You can't argue with Authentic Frontier Gibberish like that!
Well, these cowboys'll keep the peace, I reckon,
http://www.panoramio.com/photo/41850170?source=wa...
When there's somethin' strange
In the neighborhood
Who ya gonna call?
Nah, they'll just use the services of the county sheriff. I'm sure that'll stretch the county budget a little thinner than expected, but hell. It's Texas. Another day in libertarian, God-fearin' paradise.
Now Tejas shall know true peace. The peace of roaming gangs dealing out extrajudicial justice.
A lot of small towns do this to save money and the town then gets patrolled by the State Police. Which causes reaction times to go from mere minutes to possibly hours. Good luck citizens of Alto.
Oh please, oh please let Alto TX be overrun by radical un-American terrorist foreigner atheist hippies within the next 6 months.
They loved that show so much that they named a State University after him! And the capital of Texas!
I think you're mixing up your wrestlers; Ted DiBiase was The Million Dollar Man; Steve Austen was "Stone Cold"
Wait, now you're just trying to fool me. I am at least 50% sure that the six million dollar man came after the state capital.
I thought the capital of Texas was Chuck Norris?
Sure, it's the better film, but I'm no good at Japanese puns.
When I heard that Kurosawa did a samurai adaptation of King Lear, I just Ran for the exits.
Yeah, but Kurosawa's version didn't have a German actor playing a guy named Chico. Or Marlboro Country music!
Bet you there weren't any black people staying in that motel.
Vidor…oh yeah, I remember that charming town from The Thin Blue Line.
Don't get me started on "The Woodlands" …
Steve Austin, was the original badass, johnny-come-lately 'wrestlers' were the least of his competitors.
What a creepy, little town that is.
I usually HATE puns, but his one tickled my funnybone. No small achievement.
Boy did my ass fall asleep watching that one.
Good thing you didn't end up sitting on a Throne of Blood.
I never made it through the entire film because, as you know, The Bad Sleep Well.
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