Oh thank goodness, IT WAS ABOUT TIME: Pennsylvania lawmakers unanimously approved a resolution declaring 2012 the “Year of the Bible” in their state, to publicly recognize some of the important famous people in American history who have owned Bibles and talked about Bibles — George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Woodrow Wilson, and of course possibly most famously and importantly of all, Ronald Reagan. OH and, also, to recognize “our national need to study and apply the teachings of the holy scriptures,” AHEM AHEM. No mention of which teachings, though. Maybe some of the fun ones about the rules for public stonings in Deutoronomy or something?
Let us now just block quote the entire thing, because of the way it hilariously violates the Establishment Clause in almost every single syllable:
A RESOLUTION
Declaring 2012 as the “Year of the Bible” in Pennsylvania.
WHEREAS, The Bible, the word of God, has made a unique
contribution in shaping the United States as a distinctive and
blessed nation and people; andWHEREAS, Deeply held religious convictions springing from the
holy scriptures led to the early settlement of our country; andWHEREAS, Biblical teachings inspired concepts of civil
government that are contained in our Declaration of Independence
and the Constitution of the United States; andWHEREAS, Many of our great national leaders, among them
President Washington, President Jackson, President Lincoln,
President Wilson and President Reagan, paid tribute to the
influence of the Bible in our country’s development, as
exemplified by the words of President Jackson that the Bible is
“the rock on which our Republic rests”; andWHEREAS, The history of our country clearly illustrates the
value of voluntarily applying the teachings of the scriptures in
the lives of individuals, families and societies; andWHEREAS, This nation now faces great challenges that will
test it as it has never been tested before; andWHEREAS, Renewing our knowledge of and faith in God through
holy scripture can strengthen us as a nation and a people;
therefore be itRESOLVED, That the House of Representatives declare 2012 as
the “Year of the Bible” in Pennsylvania in recognition of both
the formative influence of the Bible on our Commonwealth and
nation and our national need to study and apply the teachings of
the holy scriptures
Brilliant! The “pray harder, everyone” strategy sure did work miracles for Rick Perry in Texas, after all. [Americans United Blog]
{ 612 comments }
Your move, Koran.
Hahahahaha, In your face Koran!
What about the Kama Sutra?
WHEREAS, The Kama Sutra, the word of Vātsyāyana, has made a unique contribution in shaping the United States as a distinctive and oversexed nation and people; and
WHEREAS, Deeply held penetrations springing from the Kama Sutra led to the early population of our country; and
WHEREAS, Kama Sutra teachings inspired concepts of sexual freedom that are contained in our Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States; and
WHEREAS, Many of our great national leaders, among them President Washington, President Jackson, President Lincoln, President Wilson and President Reagan, paid tribute to the influence of the Kama Sutra in our country’s development, as exemplified by the words of President Jackson that the Kama Sutra is “the book which on my nightstand rests”; and
WHEREAS, The history of our country clearly illustrates the value of voluntarily applying the teachings of the Kama Sutra in the lives of individuals, families and societies; and
WHEREAS, This nation now faces great challenges that will test it as it has never been tested before; and
WHEREAS, Renewing our knowledge of and faith in sex through Kama Sutra can strengthen us as a nation and a people; therefore be it
RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives declare 2012 as the “Year of the Kama Sutra” in Pennsylvania in recognition of both the formative influence of the Kama Sutra on our Commonwealth and nation and our national need to study and apply the teachings of the Kama Sutra.
Do you plan to run for President any time, Biely? Because ^^ this hyar is a platform I can support.
Judging by the manatee-shaped people I saw waddling around Pittsburgh, I think many Pennsylvanians' sexual partners are neither sufficiently flexible or light enough to lift for most of the Kama Sutra positions.
Aaaaaugh! AAAAUUUUGGGH!!! Not the Manatee People!
Sounds like something from Dr. Neil Tyson's Attack on Teh Intelligent DesignIdiots.
The Manatee People practice the teachings of the Bible about as religiously as they practice the Kama Sutra. Although they claim to be observant, their interest in both documents is mostly vicarious.
The sermon on the mounting?
Americans are too fat and lazy for the Kama Sutra. And there's man on twink sexy time stuff for the elected officials to relate to.
It is The Year Of The Defensive Crouch, for the Koran.
Could somebody bring me a paper bag? I'm starting to hyperventilate.
Sorry, mine is full of vomit.
One word: Xanax.
A couple of pints of stout at the Latona should help.
Hooray!
I always thought "Danny Dunn and the Anti-Gravity Paint" was the most awesomest book ever.
I had "Danny Dunn and the Dinosaur." It was Awesome.
It was printed before we all realized that the Earth was 6000 years old, so there was no Jesus.
Bummer.
Back in the days when citizens were expected to read, my local library had all the Danny Dunn books. I read every last one of 'em. All of their Asimov, all of their Bradbury, Heinlein, Niven, Dick, Le Guin.
That library no longer exists, and it breaks my heart.
I could have written exactly this same thing. Exactly.
Broken heart. Also.
Me too brother! Not to mention Analog and Amazing Stories monthlies and etc. My local library was an old Carnegie library with (in retrospect) wonderful librarians of seemingly the same age as the building. Man, I miss that, but, glad to have had the experience.
Aw, Biely! (Hugs the li'l devil)
ergh … sorry about the scorch marks.
BzB – Sorry to hear that .
Thankfully, I still have this one:
http://www.ci.pasadena.ca.us/library/
No love for Poul Anderson? I'm still waiting for someone to turn the Dominic Flandry saga into a big, expensive movie. If they can waste millions on ludicrous John Carter Of Mars, why not?
I like Anderson a lot and I'm glad you brought him up. There's lots of very good movie possibilities here – but be careful what you wish for. Lots of the film adaptations I've seen come out of Hollywood have been really awful – Asimov's I, Robot for one, and I saw a Nightfall movie that was such a travesty we shall never speak of it again.
If you want a good chuckle at how weird & demented the movie development industry can be, look up what happened to the film version of Roger Zelazny's Lord of Light.
It's hands down one of my all time five star favorite books ever and I'm happy that no one's been able to ruin it for me by making a shitty movie with a butchered screenplay, huge explosions, featuring gaudy CGI Japanese Manga suits of armor and starring Keanu Reeves.
The pictures in my head are usually so much better.
I am jumping on this bandwagon.
Is that anything like Chell and the Repulsion Gel?
No one mentioned "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?" Gentlemen, I am ashamed.
Sorry – I thought it was a "Given" that we all love The Increasingly Inaccurately Named Trilogy here.
We're all Hitchhikers on this bus.
Wasn't in my library. Probably because Adams wasn't born yet.
Hey, is this where I get to blather on again about the sheer awesomeness of Jo Walton's Among Others, which is about a 15 year old Welsh girl making sense of the world by reading SF in 1979? Minor plot point: the protagonist is convinced that nobody at her boarding school groks her, and so she completely dismisses the book that her roommate gets her for Christmas, a recently-published paperback called The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by some BBC Radio guy she's never even heard of.
Seriously. Among Others. Read it. You will like it.
"Hey, is this where I get to blather on …"
Looks that way.
Fuck my state legislature.
You live in PA? You must not live in the PennsylTucky part. (Or, if you do, you're afraid to leave your house.)
Nope; I'm in Philly. And yes the rest of the state scares me.
Hey–my hometown Pittsburgh is doing what it can on the other side of the state.
But yeah, maybe both of the cities should secede…
Yeah, Pittsburgh is OK too; I should have mentioned that. But everything else – shudder. I can't believe the number of Confederate flags I saw going to the Poconos; and an ex-girlfriend was from York and some of the stories she had about that place (and how she felt she had to get the hell out of there and away from the rednecks) were just jaw-dropping.
and the whores they rode in on.
All of them? That may take a while.
Not really. They all look like giant assholes to me.
Been done already — they bend over for all of their lobbyist owners.
I feel your pain.
Endless friction on the gas tax, but this? Not so much.
No, thanks, I don't do troglodytes.
HAH! GAME ON MUTHAFUAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
http://www.blogforarizona.com/blog/2012/01/senate...
Wait a minute … isn't "a well-regulated militia" the part the gun nuts DON'T pay attention to? This is confuzzling.
Upfisted SorosBot above, just because he was at 99.
Oh, they very much pay attention to that part, just seperate from the other part of the amendment. They get two amendments for the price of one out of that. The mileage on that amendment is amazing for conservanuts.
Not only do they read into that that every individual has a right to own a firearm and keep it in their personal possession and believe that they should be able to carry it everywhere short of heaven, but they also get the idea that we still need standing militia. Gawd.
I bet $10,000 they end up standing in the general vicinity of the Mexican border/wall/fence/minefield.
I live in Texas, so I fail to see your point.
But violating the establishment clause is totally ok now, after all, it was asking for it! Did you SEE how it was dressed?
The establishment clause should make the best of a bad situation ~Rick Santorum
I know! Did you see how that hussy showed a bit of ankle! And would go about town without a bonnet! Outrageous!
put a burqa on that bitch stat.
Did you hear her? She was all like cooing "you can't subjugate me; you're a state." And I was all like "the hell I won't."
That showed her, huh?
Sure as hell did…until she federalized my national guardsmen and knocked down my door, the bitch.
The Establishment Clause did as it was told by the legislators-"-just lie there and enjoy it." It did not enjoy it, of course.
Truth be told, the enjoyment isn't really required to form teh babby or for gril to get pragnut.
Antidisestablishmentarianism libel!
Uh oh…. this is sure to wake up Cthulhu from his dreams in R'lyeh. And you know how cranky He can get when he doesn't get his ugly sleep.
Give him a call; he's up.
Which version?
There are bumperstickers down here that read, "If It Ain't King James, It Ain't BIble."
King James or GTFO!
WTFWJD?
Weep?
Kick their asses, I reckon.
WhaT would FatWa Jesus Do?
I have a pastor friend who calls it the Saint James Version, to make fun of this bunch of hillbiliies. Why are the wingers so insistent that Jesus and Moses both spoke like Shakespeare–not that would evert read him.
After I found out more about ol'James, I started calling it the Queen James Version. Still do.
HAHAHAHAHA!
well of course the ignorant serfs would prefer the kingly version, it's the one that depicts the 'Lord' as the ruler over his subjects which is exactly what King Jim was shooting for, full suppression and continued ignorance of the masses…MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Oh, boy. You done did open up a can a worms, you did. You may even be forcing us on a Diet of Worms…if you will.
Here I snark, I can do no other, so help me God.
When one of Luther's sons, Hans, took a shit in the corner of a room in the house, Luther commented, "Look, Hans has made a pyramid for the pope!" Could have applied to Pennsylvania, too.
That's where Luther got the idea for his 95 Feces.
Personally, I'm waiting for the Zombie Alien Overlord Version of the Bible. That's going to be the one true and accurate translation. Fuck the NIV.
The Conservative Bible, or a Kidz Bible.
what? 10 replies and no one state the obvious answer?
ALL of them, Katie !!!
or, to bend the meme a bit, ALL of them, Timmie!!!
The one drawn by Robert Crumb. At least one can hope.
THEY: Reader's Digest Condensed Version
ME: Asimov's Guide to the Bible, Old & New Testament
ALTERNATE: Bartender's Bible of Boat Drinks
Don't tell them it was written in Greek. They will malfunction.
Philly needs to secede and keep the East half and the Pennsylvania name. The western half of the state can then become state #51, West Pennsyltucky.
Hell we'd even be willing to join with stinky Jersey if they just get rid of that one evil fat fuck.
If Philly secedes, they had better do it quick. There's a subsection in the Bible bill that changes the city's motto from "the City of Brotherly Love" to "The City of Totally Platonic Brotherly Like and Not What You're thinking You Prevert"
I always think of it as the "glory hole city."
I think there's a "Cornhole Capitol of America" in Ohio, but it's not what you might expect.
But the livestock do keep a wary eye over their shoulder.
Sorry, the 51st state is going to be Moon Colony Callista named for the ex-wife of its founder. West Pennsyltucky will be #52.
One, Newt's ego is way to big to name the moon base after anyone but himself, and two, there is no way he'd keep Callista around long enough for her to even be a name option. Newt is all about trading in when they start getting scratches and dents; Callista would have way too many miles on her by then.
She's history, as soon as the transmission locks up.
We call it "the tranny" in these parts, but that has been the cause of much well-earned confusion.
Her warranty expires after 50,000 days or 50,000 blow jobs, whichever comes first.
And Puerto Rico? Huh? WTH will Puerto Rico be then?
a colonial protectorate?
Didn't one of yon Repuglycan't contenders recently promise them some blatheramskate or the other? Statehood, self-determination, nuclear weapons … SOMEthing.
I insist that my hometown Pittsburgh get the hell out as well. We can be our own damn state if we have to. Alleghenia for the win!
No, you are East Ohio and you will like it.
Only if Pittsburgh is allowed to be annexed by Ohio.
Over my dead body. As an Ohio native, I'd rather see Ohio annexed by Canada.
Come on, be reasonable. Ohio could use a good NFL team.
That can be arranged.
AFP: West Virginia Excercises Eminent Domain of Pittsburgh in Secret Pact with Penn Legislature; Sheep Flee Area
CNN: Some stuff happens at the place in the same state as that coach that diddles kids
FOX: God Reunites Steel and Coal for His Son Jesus
Good news day, people.
Oh, the AFP spoof is brilliant…lol
Pitthio? Pennhio? Hey-O!
Easy-there is some intelligent life in Pittsburgh, admittedly not much, but some.
Hmm…. West Pennsyltucky presupposes there's an EAST Pennsyltucky. Can't we just call it, Yetanotherflyoverstate ?
I can see that working.
There was a plan years ago to split western Pennsylvania off, along with what's now West Virginia, and create the mysteriously-named state of Vandalia, but it never took off. I support this move, as a native of Pennsylvania just six miles east of the Ohio border. But if this is to be done, the capital needs to be Pittsburgh, and the three counties of what's now northwestern Pennsylvania need to be assigned to Ohio. It's only decent.
Central Pennsylvania we can give back to the French.
It's officially the year of drunken fathers getting their daughters pregnant. Take note, fertile girls of Pennsylvania.
In Perry County, PA, that's every year.
Jefferson wept.
I can't wait for the PA legislature to find out that Mr. J made his own cut & paste Bible. We might hear the sounds of many heads assploding.
Prolly not. "Divine intervention" covers a lot of ground and esplains away just about anything.
Oh and considering that Pennsylvania's two most famous founding fathers, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Paine, were both non-Christian deists who did not believe in the Bible they'd be disappointed. Hell Paine wrote an entire book dedicate to ripping apart the Bible.
Hell Paine" would be a great name for the heroine of an urban fantasy novel, don't you think?
Then Hollywood would ruin the movie of said novel by changing the name of the lead to "Heck Paine" to get that G-rating.
Or a dominatrix.
Who, come to think of it, the PA legislators could stand to visit after wasting time on this resolution…
You can be sure that some of them will be in Hell payin'.
Thank you, Biely.
Shorter version: uppity women in PA should STFU. God says so.
Given the bible's condoning of slavery, there should be other uppity people who might want to STFU.
Given the bible's condoning of slavery, there should be other uppity people who
might want tohad better STFU.FIFY, NNTT.
Ironic, considering that Pennsylvania was the only one of the original 13 colonies in which slavery was illegal.
It all went downhill when the Quakers were pushed out of power.
Nobody who wants to stay intact crosses the uppity women.
About time. What in the heck were they waiting for?
Palin was twattering about how upset she is that Alaskan Airlines is no longer including prayer cards with their meals.
""It feels so odd that some may be offended by a little card with an encouraging non-denominational verse from the Psalms,…."
Keep the prayer card. I'd much rather have an extra twist with my martini, thank you!
Three upfists in agreement!
I'm sure she'd be thrilled to receive a little card with a Wiccan blessing then?
As long as it's non-denominational! Got to keep all the disparate covens happy.
"non-denominational verse from the Psalms"
Uh, that's kind of an oxymoron, you moron.
(I'm addressing Palin, not you Barb; you're very smart.)
Yeah, I got a kick out of that, Soros.
I want to know why Palin still has a PAC?
Because she's a PACkerwood?
"…why Palin still has a PAC?"
questions like this have one simple answer – 'money' -
PAC = Palin's Access to Cash.
Grifter's gotta grift.
To get her "Palms" full silly.
Because that's where the money is.
It is well known that the Book of Psalms has no relation to any organized religion what so ever. Why do you think it is its own book and not in the Bible?
A business listening to its customers. Why that's positively un-American.
I'm guessing that Palin's probably one of those Xtian non-tippers who leave those annoying scraps of paper that look like cash on one side but has some Bible verse printed on the other side.
People who call themselves Christians are the worst tippers. Ask anyone who's served time as a server/waiter/waitress.
Double upfist for you!
And, from the waitstaff I know, Sunday right after church lets out is the absolute worst time for tipping.
Ole Gertrude and Mildred just gave half their disability checks to the collection plate. That greedy waitress had better take it up with Yahweh.
More specifically, Xtians that wear it on their sleeves are the worst tippers, ever. Amen.
They should replace the bible cards with cards like this:
http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9y8qcOFAr1qbbe...
Or just a few Xanax.
Is that airline food these days?
Only on Asian flights
(sorry)
I knew there was something fishy about those Korean Air ads…
Maybe they didn't want to be the kind of airline whose passengers feel the need to pray.
I don't put twists in my martinis. I go with these garlic-stuffed olives. They make me seem scarily foreign, and a threat to our cherished way of life.
WHEREAS idiotic.
WHEREAS, they all need a boot to the head.
Tae kwan leep.
This is a violation of the establishment clause of …some sort? of proportion.
It was my impression that the Holy Bible© was squarely on the side of either monarchy or theocracy. Except for the early Church era, of course, with its living communally and sharing of possessions and the means of production.
Of course, there's the "Slaves, be obedient unto your masters" meme, too. That might be the real point here.
WHEREAS, dragons are cool, and
WHEREAS, Chinese astriology is fun, and
WHEREAS, Chinese astrology declares it is the year of the dragon;
NOW, THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that 2012 is the year of the dragon, and you can go get that tattoo you've always wanted.
But skyrim came out last year!
Can I paint a dragon on a bible, thus 'Year of the Dragon Bible'?
You could probably sell a ton of them in the godless land of San Francisco.
Yes, you can! And you can light it on fire and hit someone with it for a "Flaming Dragon Bible Punch".
sfr:
Year of the Dragon? I just got used to writing Year of the Rat on my checks.
I'm a rat! That was 2008.
I'm apparently a dragon, and it's now my year; I feel excited.
You should, I'm a rabbit which is soooooo last year. No excitement for me.
Well don;t worry l'il bunny, I'll make sure to – wait, you were just fishing for a complement there? Weren't you?
Oh, I dunno, hun, looks like you're having a pretty exciting time dancing around each other.
(walks away, whistling)
I'm a cock.
I have nothing else to add.
I thought this was the year of the newt.
Son – it's never the day, week, month or year of the Newt. Ever.
I thought it was the Year of the Scavenger, the Season of the Bitch?
And Draco said let there be light, and thus poured forth a mighty stream of flame from his nostrils, and there was light. And he divided the firmament with the divine flapping of his wings, and there was heaven and earth, and day and night, and…eh, I got nothin…
Give me your dirty love
Like you might surrender to some dragon in your dreams
Give me your dirty love
Like a pink donation to the dragon in your jeans
I don't need your sweet devotion
I don't want your cheap emotion
Whip me up some dragon lotion
With your dirty love
The poodle bites
The poodle chews it
…not a speck of cereal…
AHAHAHA! I sure do love me some Frank, that sick twisted motherfucker.
We haven't seen his like since in the musical world. Fucking genius.
Snap it!
Two paws stickin' up.
Another Zappa fan!
Four on the floor!
Totally works for me!
Meth Bible Camp, that could have made the pain in the ass religious camp my mother made me go to tolerable.
If ass religious camp is causing pain, you just need to relax a little more.
The movie really sucked.
But, unusually, it was better than the book.
Movie sucks because everyone dies in the end.
"WHEREAS, Deeply held religious convictions springing from the holy scriptures led to the early settlement of our country"
I always wondered why the Native Americans went to the trouble to walk across the Arctic to get here 25,000 years ago. But I never thought it because of something they read in the (to be written) Bible. Unless maybe Exodus.
Remember Mormon Jesus came to America before the White Man did…
Jesus told the natives: "Don't get too comfortable….others are coming."
You think the bastid would've had the courtesy to inform those dark-skinned savages that they were about to be wiped out by the hungry white hordes.
"Look guys, I'm the first white man you won't mind meeting."
"And, probably, the last."
That's why we had to kill 'em. They didn't love the baby Jebus. Whaddya gonna do?
One man's "settlement" is another mans "murdering indigenous people".
TomaTO/ToMAto.
On the other hand I agree there is plenty on inspriation in the "holy scriptures" for that.
Christian dogma so rigid they left England because they didn't get to make all the rules, there.
Fuck! Keith O must be in a pissing match, still, with Current because he has guest host. That's fine with me, as long as the guest is David "You're Welcome" Schuster, and tonight it's Bill Press again. Yawn.
Waay back in the day, Quakers were hung in Massachusetts, Baptist ministers had to get a license to preach, Jews had a very hard time in the Colonies, the daughter of the founder of Rhode Island was driven from the Colony for religious reasons.
Now that was the Old Tyme Religion. None of that 1950's "Judeo-Christian" PC garbage.
I never heard about Roger Williams' daughter. You're sure you're not thinking of the Cheney daughter?
SB:
You are correct. I think I had her confused with Anne Hutchinson, who was forced to leave Massashusetts for Rhode Island for religious reasons.
Thanx for pointing our the error in my ways.
No sweat, Brother Grifter. Roger was a weird guy, but he was a trailblazer about tolerance. When he was in his 70s, he rowed a canoe from Providence to Newport because some Quakers were supposed to be visiting from England, and he wanted to debate them. He took issue with the idea that they could know the will of God, but he was cool with them coming to Little Rhody. He didn't want to hang them publicly, even though it could have been a good deterrent to heterodoxy.
Couple months ago, the bedtime reading with Kid Zoom was Sarah Vowell's The Wordy Shipmates. It's no Assassination Vacation, but it's pretty damn good, and gives a pretty good overview of the grim realities behind that "city on a hill" stuff, including pointing out that Reagan added the "shining" part, that sap.
Let's not forget the Salem Witch Trials, where religion resulted in the hanging of innocent children.
But those children were found to be unscrupulous demon prostitutes – the minister said so!
Fare la Volpe:
Did he have the handsewn lambskin condumns in the pocket to prove it?
State, meet church.
"State, do you take Church to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
"Hell no, that bitch looks crazy!"
*Sound of shotgun shell being chambered*
In the year Bible5/Bible5
From the state that gave us Santorum.
And the santorum keeps flowing.
messy!
eyepatch underwear, also!
Is "Meth Bible Camp" where Bristol Palin learned to cook?
And got knocked up? (Don't scoff–I know plenty of girls who got pregnant at bible camp. Since dancing was illegal, what else was there to do?)
In some "upstanding" towns, to have sex while standing-up is made illegal because it could, GASP, lead to dancing.
Did they "make the best of a bad situation"?
Lemonade situation.
In the Palin family, shake n' bake means something other than dinner.
It's the only thing she *can* cook.
No, she learned to cook in a tent.
No..meth bible camp is where she learned the basics. It wasn't until the winecooler weekends that she really learned to cook.
She's really good at cooking up buns in the oven.
And oh, "Biblical teachings inspired concepts of civil government that are contained in our Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States" is not true; in fact it is practically the exact opposite of the truth, which is that the Declaration and Constitution were inspired by Enlightenment philosophy that was developed after some people started rejecting the Bible in favor of reason, evidence and thinking for themselves.
Most of the founding fathers were deists, a non-religious philosophy that died off after Darwin showed that we didn't need even that mild a form of god to explain how we got here and instead got rolled into atheism.
"…some people started rejecting the Bible in favor of reason, evidence and thinking for themselves."
That's EXACTLY their problem.
See? Inspired by the Bible, i.e., by rejecting it. Which God planned, by writing said stupid book.
Yeah, but not in the Bizarro world of Outer Wingnuttia. They have scores of amateur historians beavering away writing books that all say basically the same crap in slightly different words using the tried and true method of burrowing through millions of documents looking for every offhand remark that can be quoted out of context to support their pre-established thesis, while ignoring the mountains of evidence that contradicts it.
For example [dramatic recreation with professional actors: not really Thomas Jefferson] they find a letter from Jefferson that reads: "I finally managed to evade those tiresome preachers from town who were prating on about the need for religion in the government we are founding. But now it's late and I have several more paragraphs to draft, before sexytime with Sally. I give thanks to Almighty God that the festering boil on my buttock has healed so I can sit at my desk; Now for a glass of the fine cognac from my cellar, always calming to my mind and conveying the inspiration I've needed to map out the dimensions of our government."
Becomes: "I give thanks to Almighty God… always calming to my mind and conveying the inspiration I've needed to map out the dimensions of our government."
Repeat that a few dozen times, and you've got another book! Read nothing but books like that, to the exclusion of anything else, and welcome to Wingnutopia.
Oh there you go using "facts" and "history"
I think Pennsylvania should make 2012 the Year of Nebraska!
Home of the FSM…that might just work out ok.
Why, is there something wrong with Kansas?
Duh, there's a whole book about it.
Meh. Nebraska is too boring. They simply can't compete with TN, TX, and AZ for wingnuttery. They've been pretty quiet since Brandon Teena.
Arizona legislators are going to be SO jealous when they read about this. "Oh no you di-int! You are going to pay for upstagin us, bitch!!"
HAH! GOTCHA! They can't read.
But, but … they can rite mesages to the prezident an diliver them at the areport.
That's why they made Brewer Sec. of State originally. Hey, she kin rite teh purty kinna letrs.
Has PA gone full 'bagger now?
WHEREAS, Almost no one follows that stuff about, "Inasmuch as you have done it to the least of these my brothers, you have done so to me"…
Also, that "Do not deprive the foreigner or the fatherless of justice" crap doesn't mean that we REALLY have to let the Constitution apply to smelly furriners.
I found this and thought I'd share this example of…um, interesting logic…
Bible Inspired America's Founding Documents by Chuck Baldwin.
Oh man, thanks for sharing. Look what I learned:
Used completely in scriptural and historical context, no doubt.
My favorite:
Even America's constitutional form of government consisting of three co-equal branches, legislative, executive and judicial is taken directly from Isaiah 33:22.
Because apparently Madison got the idea for 3 branches from God being declared judge, lawgiver, and king, rather than from Montesquieu (i.e. the person he actually cited in his writings).
Thanks, both of you, for reading it for me. My brain still hasn't recovered from last night's Republiklan stupidfest.
I'm still confused though, because the concepts of judges, kings, and lawgivers predates even the Bible, and having God filling three governmental roles doesn't really counts as the "separation" of powers the Constitution establishes.
It's the mystery of the Trinity. Three in one.
Yeah, well, Madison learned something from the intervening millenia.
Unlike the dickwad fundies.
Well, GOD was working through that Frenchy furriner, you … you ATHEIST, you!
The learned Mr. Baldwin forgot to mention the very next verse:
Luke 11:21: "But when a stronger than he shall come upon him, and overcome him, he takes from him all his armor in which he trusted, and divides his spoils"
Somehow I'm not seeing the "packing heat is the key to security" message here.
"If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. Then bust a cap in their motherfucking asses."
Ah, yes. Republican Jesus, Book of Gunz, 15:3.
So Luke was into naked warriors?! He'd have loved "Troy".
This is SPAAAAAAARTAAAAAA!!!!!
Or "Airplane".
WHEREAS, This just goes to prove James Carville's totally excellent statement:
Therefore, be it RESOLVED that: Pennsylvania is Pittsburgh on one end, Philadelphia on the other, and Alabama in the middle.
This magnificent piece of legislation is truly Tennessee-worthy. (See: "Don't Say Gay"; "Ten Commandments in Courthouses"; "It's OK To Be A Middle-School Bully of Gays If You Love Jesus"; "Mandatory Aborted Fetuses Death Certificates"; et cetera, ad total nauseum.)
Oh, PS: See previous Wonkette post re "Tennessee Bigot: AIDS Caused By One Monkey-Loving Airline Pilot." Yep, that's my "representative"! Welcome to my
worldnightmare.So you're in either in Knoxville or the county of Knox. I feel your pain, knowing the area. When I first read up on the "Don't Say 'Gay' Bill", it didn't surprise me one bit that Campfield represented that area.
I'll betcha he only listens to WNOX 100.3 FM & watches Fox News.
ZOMG. (Hugs you, pats your back)
You poor, poor thing. (puts on most sympathetic face)
That Rapture had better come quick because I'm getting Almighty tired of these people.
Don't worry. The Mayan calendar expiration date is just around the corner. Awfully awful, how taken with that way-pagan prediction the X-tian godbaggery seems to be.
Great! Looking forward to another End-of-the-World Drunken Liveblog.
We'll probably end up doing those once, maybe twice a year.
Well then the odds of the world ending during one of the liveblogs substantially increases. Well, not that substantially, I guess.
Oh, it increases – infinitesimally – , all right, but just because we're measuring the prospective "event" more frequently. You know, the old Quantum Theory principle where the Observer affects the measurement just by the act of measurement?
The chances of the 19th Century psychotic Nun's Revelation (hallucination, most likely) of a fantasy Invisible Super Sky Despot reeling into Eternal Joy only the "Proper" people while the rest of the Earth slides into the Behavioral Sink and catches fire is Exactly 0. Multiply anything by that and it's still 0.
However, in the vanishingly small chance that the End of the World does come to pass during one of our Liveblogs, at least I'll be drunk and with the Non-Proper People.
Fine by me. I wouldn't want to spend one minute with all those assholes let alone an Eternity. Can you imagine?
Oh, my lights and liver, oh, goroo!
So is the Almighty, dear.
Well, it better just get It's Noodly Appendages down here and clean up this awful mess.
Do I have to do everything around here?
The SOTU must have been fantastic, given David Brooks' current twisting and contortions to find something bad about it, even going to the Republitard default on this one, "there weren't enough big ideas."
If I were addressing the TeaTards in the House, I wouldn't bother with Big Ideas either.
It wuz. Everybody was all in love with Hopey for *hours,* afterwards.
"(N)o human authority can, in any case whatever, control or interfere with the rights of conscience, and no preference shall ever be given by law to any religious establishments or modes of worship."
Good to see that the government is doing its job.*
(*read "doing its job" as "whistling through its nose while touching itself inappropriately.")
Damn, I thought I'd turned that camera off.
The one thing that the right refuses to acknowledge is that just 'saying it' doesn't make it true. These fucking christian fanatics are, quite seriously, becoming more dangerous and brazen as the GOP panders to ignorance.
Yeah. The good news is that the influence of these nutty Bible-thumpers is waning precipitously as they die off. The bad news is that they are getting even crazier as their numbers dwindle.
They're mostly old, dying, cantankerous white people, though. And I have lived long enough to see a rainbow come into existence, which makes me very happy. Half the kids in my neighbourhood are part European, part African, part Asian, and only deity knows from which parts of the world.
When I moved to this neighbourhood 30 years ago, our neighbours never even spoke to us becase we were the *only* nonwhite family. Now, most of the really disgusting ones are GONE, BABY, GONE into the cold, cold earth or their closest nursing home, while the rest have decided it ain't so bad having cullud folk living here.
And I sincerely hope that all those snarling Jeebus-thumpers get to suffer agonies knowing that as they fade off into the cold lonely night they have earned for themselves.
Read any of the works of Alan Watts, especially The Wisdom of Insecurity, Myth and Ritual in Christianity, and The Book – On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are instead. His bullshit is much more tolerable and less dangerous than the cobbled together old tales of the bible.
OT but doesn't the teatard complaint that Obama's father isn't a natural born America one of their reasons for his 'ineligibility'? And Mittens dad was born in Mexico?
You don't get it do you. Gawd said in Book of Soetruth, Chapter 53: 16a.–17. And the miracle of the angel dove was thus: to judge a Democrat sinful is the occupation of the wise man, whilst the Republicans, as my chosen, are, verily, to be forgiven before the evil commenceth as I did my wrandie son, David.
Wow, now I'm stumped!
Their big problem is that their Bible says Barry bears the Curse of Ham.
(That means he's black.)
Doesn't he only have half a curse? Or is it quantized?
It's a one-drop curse.
We might all be in trouble then. Verily. Also. Too.
Does that mean blood brothers change their race?
I think the passage they're looking for is not in the bible:
"And he had caused the cursing to come upon them, yea, even a sore cursing, because of their iniquity. For behold, they had hardened their hearts against him, and they had become like unto a flint; wherefore, as they were white, and exceedingly fair and delightsome, that they might not be enticing unto my people the Lord God did cause a skin of blackness to come upon them." (2 Nephi 5:21)
linky no worky.
Curse of Ham, eh? I wonder if Baconzgood suffers from the Curse of Bacon?
I suffer the Curse of Prosciutto (con melon).
Yum. Love that stuff.
I made a terrific celebration dish of yams and potatoes, with prosciutto and dried cherries that I soaked in brandy first (and threw the liquid in), and caramelized onions. The amazing contrast of tastes and textures! Little salty bites of prosciutto in between sweet tart studded jewels of cherry, mmm. And the yams gave it all a chestnutty flavour that I loved.
I must be hungry.
Have you ever seen video of Alan Watts? I think he was the inspiration for Obi Wan Kenobi. It's plausible, as Lucas was pals with Joseph Campbell, and Campbell and Watts used to cross paths at Esalen.
But anyway, I don't think he intended his books to be some kind of "Bible," they are Eastern Religion "popped up," simplified and distilled for westerners.
So, Mitt is an "anchor baby"?
Not only that, Mittens' GRANDDAD left the US as a protest against the government crackdown on polygamy, and RENOUNCED his American citizenship. So if Mittens' Daddy was born in Mexico, that means ol' George was a MEXICAN citizen, not an American citizen. There is no evidence (so far) that George RMONEY ever applied for US citizenship. Which makes him an illegal alien, and Mittens an ANCHOR BABY!!
How is it that George could run for pres back in the day?? Sounds like he was a naturalized US citizen at best.
Isn't it surprising that no one has offered to produce George's application for citizenship? When Barack Obama said, "My father was born in Kenya," *everybody* jumped on the "furr'n" bandwagon. Even Cokie Roberts had the gall to make some comment about his "exotic" vacations in Hawai'i. Everybody knows Mittens' daddy was born in Mexico. Not a single person has asked, "Where are the citizenship papers? Show us the long form!"
Couldn't have anything to do with being blah, could it? No, of course not.
I'm thinking that "renouncing" one's US citizenship must not do jackshit in any legal sense, and Mitt's grandpa was just a fugitive from justice as far as US law was concerned.
Thor is pissed.
First he had to deal with Loki's treachery and now THIS!
You could thay he'th thor about it.
You're Thor? I can thcarthely thtand up thtrate!
Nope, not clingy at all…
This is so awesome! Let's go stone some disobedient children! (Deuteronomy 21:18-21)
Also, Josiah Bartlett's version of the classic "Dr. Laura" question: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4jryX_DGUQ
"You're not gonna clean your room? Get to the driveway because it's stonin' time!"
Everybody Must Get Stoned.
Oh, and 22:28-29 also has this knee-slapper for Pennsylvania's upcoming revision to the Criminal Code:
If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, he shall pay her father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
See? Personal responsibility!
And Deut 23: 1 is food for thought as well: No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.
Well, dammit, now I'm just having a fine old time with this Deuteronomy thing. How about 25: 5-12?
5 If brothers are living together and one of them dies without a son, his widow must not marry outside the family. Her husband’s brother shall take her and marry her and fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to her. 6 The first son she bears shall carry on the name of the dead brother so that his name will not be blotted out from Israel.
7 However, if a man does not want to marry his brother’s wife, she shall go to the elders at the town gate and say, “My husband’s brother refuses to carry on his brother’s name in Israel. He will not fulfill the duty of a brother-in-law to me.” 8 Then the elders of his town shall summon him and talk to him. If he persists in saying, “I do not want to marry her,” 9 his brother’s widow shall go up to him in the presence of the elders, take off one of his sandals, spit in his face and say, “This is what is done to the man who will not build up his brother’s family line.” 10 That man’s line shall be known in Israel as The Family of the Unsandaled.
11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.
How is it that there's no band named "Family of the Unsandaled"?
Q: What do you call a woman who tries to rescue her husband by grabbing the assailant's genitalia?
A: "Lefty."
Does the UFC still have Rule 11? Because that would be awesome.
Um, you know, some of the ladies might protest that last one, being minded to seize with their hands the privates of those who would, um, assail, heh, their husbands.
(Wut means, "assail"? Does it include anal sex?)
Well, I guess that disqualifies Marcus.
O.M.G -that is like righteousness porn I had to watch 4 or 5 times to get the bible verses written down right.
Dear Christian Religious Extremist Friends…
Bring it.
Probably worth mentioning that while Leviticus does ban blended fabrics and planting different cops together, it doesn't actually call for stoning for those two. Or as more than one wingnut has put it, the liberals who made The West Wing totally lied about the Old Testament.
Oh yeah…the fact that the whole shellfish/mixed-cloth/crops/gays thing all within proximity of each other is argument enough. Throw in kids being killed by bears for teasing a prophet, a dude offering to give up his daughters to a horny mob, etc and you have plenty for an argument even without the stoning.
Yes, but it's the Koran that poses the greatest threat to American democracy, right? I'm left bereft of any snark. Well, except for this this:
Needz moar Jefferson Bible.
Notice how they left out the guy who cut out the parts of the Bible he didn't like. lol
Just checked the Pittsburgh Post – Gazette's web site–nothing on this. Coverage of proposed transit cuts and property tax assessments instead. Nothing on the Philadelphia Inquirer's site on this either.
Can we replace the PA legislature with the Post – Gazette's and Inquirer's editors? At least they have their priorities right…
Well the Inquirer's editors were the ones who thought it was a good idea to give a job to Rick Santorum right after we kicked him out of the Senate; oh who also decided to hire torture king John Yoo; so I don't think we can exactly trust them.
Why don't they honor what people actually read: Porn.
WHEREAS boobies, cooters, wangs, and sometimes buttholes are stimulating to many Americans, and
WHEREAS in the absence of the real items, visual images, either static or moving, can similarly generate excitement in the naughty bits and facilitate wanking and/or taco massage, therefore let it be
RESOLVED that 2012 be known as the YEAR OF PORNOGRAPHY in recognition of its great role in helping Americans get off.
SOMEtimes? Lemme tell ya, buddy, there's a HELL of a lot more straight people practising Teh Buttsechs than all the faggots in this country put together!
You mean the Song of Solomon?
What is Aramaic for "fap fap fap"?
I think "fap" is pretty universal for "fap," if you get my drift.
"Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them. "
That's the Pennsyltucky I know!
Then it really ought to be "Thy teeth are like the lone sheep that wander …" and et cetera.
I'm trying to figure out how I'd swear on a stack of porn; I've only got two hands, damnit!
They let Muslims swear on the Koran… I wonder if I could insist on a bowl of fettucine?
You could swear on that pizza the pizza man is delivering in every porno I've ever seen.
Which is a vegetable!
Truer words…
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/web03/2...
I just choked reading that. Perfect!
I am so stealing that for FB and other purposes.
Run away with me, DB. We'll take the other Wonketteerz with us, of course, but it wouldn't be fun without them anyway.
"Year of the Bible"? Wow! Glad legislators in PA don't have any pressing issues to worry about like schools, infrastructure, unemployment, and the uninsured. I guess God took care of all that for them & this is His quid pro quo.
He took care of that after he got finished telling all those Republicans to run for president.
Why didn't Rick Perry think of this? The Lawd wants action, not prayerin'.
NOW I see what religion I'm supposed to become to be a true American. I've been trying to figure it out for at least a couple a decades now.
Just ask Mittens.
american religion = worship of Mammon. money, Gelt, shekels..,even the preachermen with their glitzy TV shows are all about raking in the wealth.
tax-free for them….speakin about taxes now… why should they be exempt jes becauz they wearin some funny backward white collar…glory be to religion and avoidance of tax. ron hubbard figured it out- call your cult a religion and it's all TAX-FREE.
end the budget deficit by taxing these hypocrites.
AH, the separation of church and state. On of the building blocks of this country that has made it so gr- HEY, wait a minute!
"Show me whar in tha con-sti-tew-shun it says separation of church an' state. Yew cain't cuz it ain't in thar." — inevitable bloviating response from the Constitutional-authority redtards.
Did you just change your name? I recognize that doggie.
(Embarrassing true factual fact: MB does not remember names of any of the neighbours, but knows the names of ALL their cats and dogs, including those LONG GONE.)
I did. I've decided to traipse through the Internet incognito from now on.
Dammit, I thought you were going to play name-tag with me!
Greetings fellow Tennesseeseeian!
Well, if you love the Bible soo much, conservatives, why don't you marry it? Oh, that's right. Because you define "marriage" as only being between one human man and one human woman. Surely, this makes man-bible marriage an abomination before the Lord.
I recall that there was a classical composer who wrote a little ditty titled "Darling Nikki" (I think his name was Prince). Part of it went:
I knew a girl named nikki
I guess u could say she was a sex fiend
I met her in a hotel lobby
Masturbating with a magazine.
Recently, it was discovered that there was an extra, lost verse, which contained these two lines:
Pennsylvania is libel
to masturbate with the Bible.
Needless to say, this was way too controversial for the times. It was those two lines that actually led to Parental Advisory stickers being put on albums instead of the whole Nikki getting off with a magazine lyrics. Tipper Gore still refuses to say which were the most offending lines.
I'm still pissed that Moon allowed Tipper to play with her band, man.
Wow. Matt Taibbi on Coundtdown says that Schneiderman, (sp?) is absolutely the man to be head of the agency or whatever it is that is supposed to investigate the banking crisis and who was responsible for it. MT never says anything positive about Hopey and Wall Street. In fact, he's so positive tonight it makesk me wonder if he has started taking feel-good pills.
I pray to the FSM that Schneiderman(sp?) doesn't like to take the train down to D.C. to hook up with women of the night.
But I bet he's going to get a lot of tempting offers paid for by the Wall Street boys.
Matt Taibbi ONLY EVAH takes feel-bad pills. That is a fact. A factually true honest fact.
Actually, he really liked Hopey, oncet, back in early days. Sniff!
I hear from his own community of journalists that he has a horrible temper. Not sure how relevant that is beside the fact that it may speak to the negative angle he takes on most everything.
That someone has a terrible temper is, somehow, always relevant. I've found.
I guess this means we're not goin' drinking with him OR Ken Layne.
The next resolution they adopted declared the funnel cake the official fairground snack of the Susquehanna River watershed.
Corndog Bible Libel!!!
If they are really going to follow the Bible, they're gonna have to give up shellfish.
They can have my Shellfish when they pry them out of my cold, dead hands.
The bible says don't be shellfish.
Shellfish-ness is next to Godliness.
I thought it was next to Cod-liness.
Also, Spandex.
That would be on cold dead thighs.
That'll be the day! Also, BACON!!
I'm out of juice, my snarking mates. I worked in the gardens all day, in a wind that must have been gusting to 40, with our 7 year old granddaughter on the toy, motorized John Deere with a trailer for hauling grandma's gardening supplies that the Old Man gave her for her birthday. One too many square bales to haul around and distribute for mulch. Next time I'll get some heavy lifting out of my "helper."
Ah, meant to add 'Nitey, wonkeratti. Sweet Dreams of the Romney/Gingrich 2012 (or Gingrich/Romney 2012) tickets' concession speech. Well, 'later, losers.
Noughty night to you too, DBB!
Hope the Old Man gets you your own John Deere for your next birthday! I'm no farmer, but I'd be lost without my ag tractor.
Whereas Paul Atriedes, also known as Muad Dib, is the Kwisatz Haderach,
And whereas the Bene Gesserit have completed their long-range breeding program to create The One who can look down both the Male and Female Paths,
And whereas the House Of Atriedes now controls Spice production in this galaxy,
The Pennsylvania Legislature declares this the Year Of The Orange Catholic Bible.
Creeping Shai Hulud!
Yeah, they do a lot of that.
New bill being proposed in the PA legislature: "Thou shalt not create a machine in the image of a human mind."
BUTLERIAN LIBEL!
PA, haven't you given us enough crap over the years: the Phillies, Big Ben Rapeyburger, Penn State, and, of course, Ole Frothybutt? Maybe just sit the next decade out in the corner with AZ, TN, and SC?
Hey now, what's with badmouthing the Phillies? We've also given you cheesesteaks, soft pretzels, oh and America. As for the godforsaken rest of the state though, yeah they pretty much suck.
Yeah, but the worst fans in all of professional sports, including the Yankees. And you yourself mentioned the cheesesteak.
Someone's forgetting Red Sox/Patriots fans.
RAIDER LIBEL!!!!
Nailed it, Oakland fans are the worst!
Yeah, I was thinkin' SB ain't doin' himself no favours talking about that (gag) Philly cheesesteak.
Cheesesteak libel! They are delicious, if insanely artery-clogging.
Hey. Hey! Lower Bucks born and raised, here. I'm female and actually pay for Sunday Ticket to see the Eagles. My father worked for the Courier Times for over three decades. Right now I live in the cultural cesspool that is Arizona. Don't ever shit on Philly!
You forget my only hetero crush, the lovely Tina Fey.
EDIT: well, just one of my very few hetero crushes.
I know the feeling, sweetie.
She's like the lady version of the type of guys I have a weakness for: short, with dark hair & they can make me laugh.
EDIT: I'm 6'2" so "short" is very relative, in this sense.
If it was up to the liberal college edumacated eeleets, it would be the year of the 'generic holy book'.
"Deeply held religious convictions springing from the holy scriptures led to the early settlement of our country"
You mean persecution in England? I guess that was a deeply held conviction, so sure, go ahead and spin it that way.
Well, they kept convicting them of gawdknowswhat and imprisoning their asses, so, yeah, deeply (as in, in the dungeon) held (as in imprisoned) convictions (in a court of law).
You'd run away too, under the circs. They're just lucky they managed to steal the land from, and kill, most of the Injuns (feather, not dot).
In 1788, Isaac Backus, a delegate to the Massachusetts Constitutional Convention remarked, "religious tests were the greatest engine of tyranny in the world." He was a Baptist minister. The counter-enlightenment has taken hold.
With a firm grip on all our throats.
So if 2012 is the "Year of the Bible" does that mean that the other years aren't Bible years? So they can yammer about the Bible all they want in 2012 so long as they shut their flapping gums in the decades after that?
That's not so bad.
Whereas, We believe in Mickey Mouse, and We should base our belief in the House of the Mouse.
This should definitely show those stupid liberals that Pennsylvania isn't clinging to its guns and religion. Well — this along with shooting off a finger because Pennsylvania thought it had cleared the chamber.
Which brings to mind the
bestworst blonde joke ever…Er … yeah?
Blonde goes to her doctor with a terribly mangled finger. Doc asked how it happened. She said she was depressed and decided to off herself. Aimed her pistol at her chest, but couldn't bear the thought of messing up her tits. Then put the barrel in her mouth, but remembered all the money she invested in her smile, and just couldn't. So she put the gun to her right ear, but then thought how loud it would be, so she put her left index finger in her ear…
Cruel!!! But funny. Would repeat to total (non-blonde) strangers.
Get out the Parmesan cannons, the flying spaghetti monsters are circling.
Aim for the Balls! AIM FOR THE BALLS!!
He's a Ballchinian!
Balzac Approves this Message.
Don't think I don't see what you did there, Honore.
That reminds me … it's Meaty Beaty Big 'n Bouncy Pasta day at La Casa de Los Gatos, with, ya goddit, Spaghetti with Meatballs. Praise HIM!
Then there was Asshole, who begat Dickhead, who begat Fartknocker, who begat Fuckwit, who begat Shithead, who begat Cuntdrip, who begat Santorum…
You may want to recheck your genealogy. In particular the latest parent in the chain.
This chit goes against EVERYTHING the bible kinda stands for, thank god it was de'clared before the end of the world this year
Thou shalt not think.
This reminds me, I really should read that book one of these days. Don't anybody spoil it by telling me how it ends.
For the Year 2013, it will be "My Pet Goat."
Kids, There are levels of being a fuck up, wrapping oneself in the flag of your nation and waving a bible in peoples faces is one of the worst forms.
Did some Pennsylvanian senators overhear some Chinese people talk about this being the Year of the Dragon during Chinese New Year celebrations and be like "OH THOSE DIRTY CHINESE ARE TRYING TO JIHAD OUR YEAR!"?
Is that why Paterno died; he couldn't take the stress of Bible Year?
I for one am happy that the sports car racing season begins tomorrow, a respite from the abject dumbfuckery surrounding us all.
Endurance racing may or may not prove the existence of God, but it surely proves there are people who appreciate fast precise machinery made to last (for at least 24 hours at speed if you drive well and are lucky). To me Daytona's sorta like seeing the first buds springing or the ice melt off the local river. A truly reassuring thing.
Daytona's kind of a spectacle, with 4-driver teams and all, but wtf–the green flag has been dropped on a new season. Don't tell me who won, I recorded it while I was driving around the superspeedway at Las Vegas, for a good cause…
"When the Green Flag Drops, the Bullshit Stops."
Words from Mike Mitchell, the world's fastest hippie, may he rest in peace.
That's IT! A Gold Star for recognizing the reference!
He was a local hero back in the day.
The Penn St. legislature is actually doing the only thing they have left to do…force people to believe the Bible is actually the state constitution. If you haven't noticed….the weirdest shit this year has come out of that state. From the Nittany Lion's gay boy production factory to stupid vampire fucksticks killing and eating motherfuckers. PA has ALWAYS been the #1 state I will NEVER live in. It's Like Sheboygan WI only a fucking STATE, What a bunch of redneck fucks. When you drive through PA…it smells like fried food and burden…and prison and dead people.
Don't forget the relentless wife beating!
Yes, always with the wife beating!
George Meade would let Lee have it if he was marching through there today.
Pray in one hand and shit in the other and see which one gets filled first.
Fuck me, these people get a burr up my ass. Dumbass hick motherfuckers.
Welcome to my world.
My deepest sympathies, slowhan. (Hugs the poor lad/lass)
What a horrible fate. A friend of mine has a SIL who lives in PA, whom she describes as "a fucking Kentucky Redneck mysteriously transplanted to the North." She says once you leave Philadelphia, ain't no cullud folks safe on the roads till they're out of the state. I hope she's exaggerating.
Now now now, not to worry. I'm sure that the Pennsylvania House of Representatives plans to honor the holy tract of a different religion each year:
2013: "Whereas, the Koran, the Word of God …"
2014: "Whereas, the Torah, the Word of God …"
2015: "Whereas, the Bhagavad-Gita, the Word of God …"
2016: "Whereas, the Book of Mormon, the Word of God …"
And so forth. Because it's certainly obvious to every patriotic, freedom-loving American that the government's singling out of the Christian Bible as the sole "Word of God" is insanely, ridiculously unconstitutional and even treasonous.
Don't laugh, they've been getting enough donations that next year it will actually be _Dianetics_.
Now, now MB, calm down. We all know about the inerrancy of the Bible. Draw a bath, a little aromatherapy and put some soothing soft christian rock on the stereo, and that little burr will dissolve away. After all, think of what the Father — omnipotent, nonetheless — put his son thru for our sins.
Or, if you don't have running water, candles, and a Michael W. Smith collection, just take 0.5 mg of a Christanachrist tablet and enjoy this excerpt from our old friend, Katydid.
A'right, a'right, I love Betty Bowers, geez. I'm not the bath & aromatherapy type, though. If I could, I'd like to go to a gun range and shoot for a couple of hours. That being out of the question, perhaps I could give names to my weeds before I KILL AND KILL AND KILL AND KILL AND KILL THEM!!!!
Ah. That feels better.
Anybody who actually followed ALL of the rules in the New Testament could never be allowed to be President of the United States, and anyone who followed ALL of the rules in the Old Testament could never be allowed out of the psychiatric ward.
WHEREAS my state income taxes pay these fuckwits?!
**sigh**
If only these bastards would actually read the Bible. But, I shouldn't be expecting much from the Illiterati.
You expect far too much.
I saw some piece on TV I think (at least, I can't find it on the internet) talking about heartland churches. The piece itself wasn't interesting but the shots of the large churches were.
Decked out with flatscreens on the wall and with a pastor exhorting the faithful to work hard – for Jesus wants you to succeed. The screens displayed slide decks with bullet points such as "Success" "Faith" "Wealth".
That's not religion. That's fucking self-help hucksterism wrapped up in a thin cloak of Christianity. The teachings of Christ are actually pretty damn cool, and that's said as an atheist, but that shit is far and away different.
Just skeeves me out really.
It's called the "Gospel of Wealth" and has so deluded, subverted, and opposed actual Biblical teachings it's not even funny. I always say that the mainstream American brand of Christianity (read: the non-denominational mega-churches) is one of the most cynical you'll find anywhere in the world. American Capitalism co-opted the European version, which itself was kind of deluded, and turned it into something that the original church (and even the current Orthodox churches) wouldn't even recognize as Chrisitanity.
This shit being passed off as Christianity in the mega-churches, today, is digusting for its cynicism.
Upfist for Illiterati.
I can probably remember "Mathew 6:5". Excellent – I now have a comeback to bible verse sprayers.
WHEREAS are the jews on this?
There are jews in Pennsyltucky?
I like the part of the bible where it tells women they can't speak in church, follwed by rules by which you may stone your daughter, followed by rules on how you should treat your slaves, followed by Noah buiding a boat that accomodated dinosaurs. Then there is part about God loving Jews better than the rest of us, which really hurts my feelings.
But the best part has to be about a young woman giving birth to a child and then telling everyone…God is the baby daddy.
Well, when you put it that way the bible just sounds plain silly.
My girlfriend liked this part though:
Ezekiel 23:20
She lusted after lovers with genitals as large as a donkey’s and emissions like those of a horse.
Song of Songs/Solomon is practically x-rated.
SongofSolomon.ChristChristChrist
If you were a young woman who got pregnant but wasn't married back in those times, wouldn't YOU have claimed God for the babydaddy? It was either that or be stoned to death as an harlot, I would imagine.
Helluva lot better than pointing to ol' Joe and saying "Him! He did it!" since a woman's word in law at that time (IIRC) was worth about half or less that of a man's.
I'm just glad they didn't try this shit under our last governor, Ed Rendell; who is Jewish and so might have had a bit of a problem with it.
Oh Goody, can't wait to find out who the nominations are next year. Or is this groundbible year?
"WHEREAS, This nation now faces great challenges that will
test it as it has never been tested before;"
Apparently "negro in the White House" trumps "Civil War".
Not just "civil" war, but even the decidedly uncivil conflict of WW II. Damn, if only I'd known Negrismo was so POWERful.
Pennsylvaniastan.
As long as they stay away from veiled women, it should be OK.
With veiled women, you never know if you're fucking a whore or your daughter-in-law, as the Bible so wisely tells us:
"When Judah saw her, he thought her to be an harlot; because she had covered her face. And he turned unto her by the way, and said, Go to, I pray thee, let me come in unto thee; (for he knew not that she was his daughter in law.) And she said, What wilt thou give me, that thou mayest come in unto me?"
Genesis 38:15-16
"Girls Gone Veiled!"
Have you seen Pennsyletucky wimmenz? Hell, forget the hijab, just go straight to burqa, and the men, too, while we're at it.
Speaking of things this country was built on, maybe we should also declare 2012 the "Year of Slave Labor."
Also known as the "Year of Walmart."
Oh sure, Pennsyltucky, give teh bible the leap year…
Is there not a single Jewish house member in Pennsylvania?
How about a single SANE or constitutionally-minded member?
Where can I get my hands on a meth bible? I keep screwing up the recipe.
Leviticus Lives!
Well, the Amish don't trim their beards….
I could never figure out what they meant by "rounding the corner of your face". I mean shaving's one thing, but what about Callista's mug? Appears some significant "rounding" may have taken place.
I'm holding out for the sequel.
2013: Year Of The Necronomicon!
If Jesus H. Christ Esq. moonwalks down a rainbow tomorrow, these self-righteous motherfuckers had better have their Kevlar jockstraps on, because that undead hippy is going to kick off a global Nutsack Pinata Party like ugly on a duck.
I hope this is the Bible that promotes capitalism and hedge funds and not the wimpy one with that "do on to others" garbage.
No, no – they worship Supply-Side Jesus in Pennsylvania!
And hedge fund loving hedgehogs truly adore the Supply-Side Jeebus.
In the interest of "diversity", the House also approved "Jew Week", wherein they're encouraging PA's Jews to wear friendly yellow stars on their clothing so Christians can more easily recognize them…
We are Pennsyltucky afterall.
My home state is a fucking bad joke.
It has been nothing but downhill ever since WIlliam Penn handed the state over to non-Quakers.
Bible Fun Facts:
* Adam & Eve were kicked out of the Garden of Eden in order to prevent them from eating from the tree of life, which would have made them eternal!
* Jonah was eaten by a fish, not a whale.
* The “Rapture” is not in the Bible!
* The Three Wise Men–there weren’t three and they didn’t visit Jesus in a manger.
* The Bible does not condemn drinking alcohol or gambling and betting
i'll BET YA THAT I SEE YOU DOWN AT THE CASINO FOR A GLASS OF JESUS JUICE!!!
SexyTime Bible Fun Facts:
1. The Bible never mentions abortion (Sorry FetusJar!).
2. The Bible suggests marriage is the lifelong union of one man and one woman; the union of one man and up to 700 wives; and often undesirable, because it distracts from service to the Lord.
3. The Bible says of homosexuality: male sexual pairing is an "abomination", but says nothing wrong about lesbians (see Ruth and Naomi’s rug-munchin' love).
4. In the Bible, erotic writing is exemplified by “Song of Songs,” which celebrates sex for its own sake. YAAAAY! FUCKING IS IN THE BIBLE!
5. Jesus says that divorce is permitted: Never. And only to men whose wives have been unfaithful (sorry Newt!)
6. Adultery, Incest and sex with angels is forbidden (stay out of LA, ha!).
7. The people of Sodom were condemned principally for lack of compassion for the poor and needy (Sorry Mitt!)
But what does it say about the US Constitution?
You also forgot "a lifelong union of one man and one girl."
Separation of church and state, anyone, anyone???
I'll be in Vegas in a couple of months. See you in the casino.
P.S. Jesus just left Chicago.
~
Good timing, now that Palin is invoking the crucifixion in her defense of Gingrich. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/27/sarah-pa...
Well, the one thing that we're missing in the wide-ranging Theological aspects of the discussion is the pervasive belief that Clapton is God.
Stevie Ray gave his life for clapton
Stevie Ray was A-OK and I really miss having him around.
No, he literally gave up his "space" at Alpine Valley, clapton lived Stevie died.
Holy shit!
So, Stevie kicks Heroin, gets healthy, starts recording and touring again, is a Nice Guy and says "no, after you Eric" and for all that gets to fly into a mountain .TANJ.
Caroline Kennedy is sending me emails. Any advice on how to let her down easy ?
Ask her where the fuck she was during the early and mid-2000's when progressives were getting our asses kicked. Now she's all "vote for my dead Uncle" and "keep hope alive", blah blah blah. Sorry about the bitter-party-of-one here, but we could have used her voice 10 years ago when the country was just on its way to hell instead of now when we have arrived.
You're welcome.
YOW !
HARSH!
Tell her you're spending all your extra money on local environmental, voter registration and voting rights organizations that are 1.) on the front lines 2.) targeted to and making progress in the area you live and 3.) don't have godawful high overhead by paying layers of administrators, marketing and huge salaries of Name Political Personalities.
Or, you can say that you blew all your extra money on flying lessons.
Too Far?
YOW!!!!!!!!
HARSHER!
You can let her down easy on my crotch anytime.
Tell her you're just not seeing anybody right now.
How about the reverse obligatory "It's not me, it's you"?
Well, after careful consideration of all of your advice, I hit the delete key.
They don't call it the "KeySTONE" State for nothin'.
Wherein therein as in whereas here to for exemplified by the words of President Jackson that the Bible is “the rock with which we shalt crush the skulls of the Injuns."
Occupy DC and Oakland acting like dicks, wtf….
jesus never read the bible!
Jesus was a lot like Bob Dylan, woolly-haired, barefoot, and hung out with poor people and prostitutes a lot and sang folk songs off-key to piss off his elders….
more on this book- the latest book reviews….
1) the old book for religious fairy tales
2) god's big book of bad ideas!
"the old book for religious fairy tales"
Tell me again the porno story about where this pornstar Jacob took a job where he was paid entirely in women–two Sisters and a Handmaid…
Genesis 29: 21-28
So in 2013 we can just shitcan all those fucking bibles.
Recycle…
So in 2013 we can just shitcan all those fucking bibles.
Shitcanning is already in the Bible, dude…
Solomon 5:4
My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him.
This is a fun game!
Genesis 15:4
And, behold, the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, This shall not be thine heir; but he that shall come forth out of thine own bowels shall be thine heir.
Sounds like Santorum to me.
Ooo, the very first documentation of a Cleveland Steamer!
Glad to see the divorced, astrologer consulting Reagan gets mentioned and that Godless heathen Jimmy Carter gets snubbed.
Word, y'all.
I remember a news story from wayback in the Carter Administration, where they mentioned that Jimmy spent, oh, a half hour before bed each night reading the Bible in Spanish. Because he had already memorized it in English.
Obviously, I don't know if that was entirely true (and I hope it wasn't — what a waste of neurons), but Carter was the only really religious President I've seen in my lifetime. And I liked him anyway, because he didn't act like he was compelled to ensure that I was religious.
I'm just going to put this out there. If I have to wake up on Monday morning and read a story on my Wonkette about that lame "rap" written by Gingrich supporters, there will be blood.
So_______ much ___________blood.
CHECK THE WONKWIRE
CHECK THE WONKWIRE
CHECK THE WONKWIRE
CHECK THE WONKWIRE
CHECK THE WONKWIRE
CHECK THE WONKWIRE
Sadly, that is the first example, there is a new one.
The Saloon reports vulture crapitalist Mittens will be ridin' Joe Smith's white horse into the White House.
behold a pale horse
"He attended the 1964 Republican National Convention where his father led a challenge of moderates against the right-wing Barry Goldwater. "
And now, Goldwater seems charmingly moderate.
Everything I know about the MorMen, I learned from James Ellroy's Underworld USA trilogy. (Too bad the 2nd and 3rd books sucked.)
Sorry, but it looks like that white horse has been preempted by not only the evangelical Tim Tebow crowd, but by the Muslins as well!
They stole Johnnie Patmos' four whores' men?
They just make shit up, ain'a?
Seriously, if Jebus doesn't rapture these idiots soon this country is going to be totally fucked!
"Going to be"? You sure it isn't already?
So who do you suppose said THIS, this weekend?
"They're all stupid, [the Republican debates] he said, arguing that viewers aren't watching to learn about the issues. “It's like you're tuning in to a car race, you really want to see if there's a wreck."
(See first reply for answer)
Chris Wallace.
I've been watching to see who will be the first one to forget himself in the heat of the moment and say "nigger".
It could very well be one of the moderators, given some of the venues.
No one is going to learn a thing about issues that matter to the average schmuck on the street in a Republican debate: They don't do economics excepting the no taxes line and they would rather froth up the bubbas with firey rhetoric about abortion, religion, guns, nears and socialists in the whitehouse etc. There isn't any reason to *ever* watch a republican speech unless you're waiting for them to fuck it up. It has all been said, usually more eloquently by Saint Ronald.
".. froth up the bubbas.."
Amen.
And all the audiences for these "debates" gleefully applaud the idea of people dying because they were too poor to afford healthcare. Psychopath/Racist 2012!
Hell, Wallace…anyone who's been halfway paying attention could have said that. Really earning that 6-Figure salary, eh?
I watch (when I can) to marvel at the intellectual bankruptcy that the "Conservative Movement" has degenerated into, to shake my head and shudder at the spectacle of all the True (White, Christian – oh, except for that Palestinian guy who was an obvious plant) Believers in the audience and to savor the opportunity to beat the everloving dogshit out of Gingrich in print again.
I just don't do this sober. Can't, hurts too much.
Mr. Wallace is absolutely right.
Keep the debates coming!
why, oh why do these idiots keep taking up my air? Bible is good reading, but so is the latest Stephen King novel. More blood and guts in Bible, however. Can Montana vote in "Stranger in a Strange Land?"
Montana can vote in me anytime.
I'm sure this inspired tens of thousands of Pennsylvanians (those who can read at least) to pick up the Bible and start reading it because of this so-wise and important proclamation!
I feel like it's been forever since a republican debate. When's the next one? I'm jonezinn–
"WHEREAS, Deeply held religious convictions springing from the
holy scriptures led to the early settlement of our country.."
WHEREUPON these persecuted pilgrims in turn persecuted their own dissenters in the name of said Bible.
Completely OT, but I ended up on this insane website and , of course, had to post about Orly Taitz and I am getting berated , see below.
To LimeyLizzie…anyone who routinely and almost exclusively posts on Wonkette; then, out of bloody nowhere suddenly appears here and plants a "screed" against those of us who "don't feel the love" for your precious pet "Hopey" (that's what she calls Obama ). has a few ethical and moral screws lose. Her posts on Wonkette consist mainly of coarse and frequent foul language. You've got a following at Wonkette "LimeyLizzie" so may I suggest you return to your favored base of operation and leave CiR to the Conservative trash who find a huge difference between there being a "black man in the White House" and a "lying, Marxist, probably-ineligible-to-hold-office, "Caliph-in-Chief" man who happens to be black in the White House". Sounds to me as if you have "reverse discrimination" refined to an art form….
Sorry no soliciting allowed here….take it down the street Madam Lizzie.
Go to comment
In reply to your comment:
You people are insane, racist and idiotic. Your "leader" Orly Taitz is certifiable and will be disbarred eventually with all these frivolous lawsuits. Why don't you all just shout out "There's a black man in the White House" it amounts to the same thing.
"You've got a following at Wonkette "LimeyLizzie" so may I suggest you return to your favored base of operation"
Welcome home.
Those are the wages of trolling. Next time, fuck with them from a separate trolling account.
Just a bunch of pinheads dancing on an angel, LL.
Well, young lady, that will teach you not to stray too far from home!
Sometimes those lunatics make me so angry I just can't resist taunting them.
I don't blame you.The general stupidity, not to mention absence of credible facts, make them rather irresistible.That message you received was over the top, though.Way too personal.
Please don't let this discourage you from "coarse and frequent foul language".
p.s I hope the BWE thing went well!
You hussy, you.
Lizzie, dammit, now I've gone and posted over there, too. Stupid Google…
As one of our Wonketeers put it, more or less, tweaking birthers is like shooting tuna in a sardine can. In a battle of wits, they're naked, unarmed, and comatose … and Lizzie went marching in there with a howitzer. (At least it wasn't Barb, nuking them from orbit.)
By the way, that web page is insane even by birther standards. Seems that Obama's BirfCert is a "soft wear creation", and "media outlets, our Republican candidates, the Supreme Court, and all members of Congress" are involved in a conspiracy to hide what is really going on. That is one big motherfucking conspiracy! The 9/11 plotters behind the controlled demolition of the WTC are pikers compared to these evil geniuses. (Why, it's such a hot and happening conspiracy, I'll bet the pope and Putin and Justin Bieber are in on it.)
Not worth posting to those loons (there are only about 9 goobers who bother with the site), but it is fun to go over and upfist Lizzie, just to mess with their heads. Do it — you know you want to.
I liked this one: " liberalism was initiated in the 1940's to create a smokescreen for a thing called policitcal corruption."
wat is this i don't even…
Don't try, doc. Don't even try.
But what we really want to know was how did the audition go?
Also, fuck those assholes.
Incidentally, I wonder if any of those teabags could give a five-sentence synopsis of Marx's philosophy. And I don't mean "Why a duck?"
What's this about Obama is our Italian Cruise Ship Captain according to the head of the RNC???
Doesn't he know – black people can't sail boats! It's like expecting a Scotsman to play tennis!!!
Jeepers, I can't wait for Obama to crush these insects!
Andy Murray libel!
However, chain them to the gunnel, apply the tawse, and they make perfectly good oarsmen. True fact.
Andy Murray libel, yo!
Damn you, deelzebub! Khan!
At least Obama can jump.
If anybody is Captain Queeg, it's Newt Gingrich.
Refucklicans are just trolling for votes from white people who are bothered by the very idea of a black man who's superior to them in every way. They're not in the majority, so screw 'em.
"Of course it's the Year of the Bible," Governor Corbett said to a throng of reporters gathered outside his Harrisburg office. "After I'm done with this state, prayer is all you'll have left." Then the governor went on to explain why it's better, in the long run, to leave religious tracts instead of money when tipping waitstaff. "A few bucks or eternal life: which would you rather have?" When asked about how people are supposed to make a living, Corbett said, "Tell 'em to go get an education. Or pray. Whichever, who cares."
OT: So, I'm wasting away time watching CNN, and a Gingrich rally from yesterday is one. Usually, I wouldn't watch this shit, but I decided to let it ride. Newt's down in the sun somewhere in Bumblefuck, Florida prattling on about the evil elites on Wall Street and in Washington, and how both parties have failed us, and how he's going to stand up to the Republican establishment, and he thanks the nobody Herman Blah Cain, and he's so incredibly earnest…and it hits me the lengths he will go to and the rhetoric he's reduced to when he sees it all slipping away. All of a sudden, ole unapologetically fascists, hyper partisan Newt is reduced to Occupy Newt, using liberal tropes and framing because Romney is crushing his ass in the polls. And, then I begin to allow myself to pity him…
…and then in a terrifying personal revelation and most important: I die a little inside.
EDIT: And now the Flrida Attorney General is on spewing platitudes about Mitt Romney with a third grade vocabulary. Man, you guys just brought in a whole slew of morons down there, didn't you?
So, only a scale of Rick Sndyer ("moderate-ish") to Scott Walker/Rick Scott ("crazy and/or evil"), where does Corbett fall?
Oh, I dunno. The Bible is one of my favorite works of fiction.
Punxsutawney Phil does not approve.
"Meth" Bible Camp Rd????
They serve Methanphetamine at Bible Camp in Pennsylvania?????
For those wondering whether a branch of the government declaring the bible to be 'the Word of God' would have constituted 'making a law respecting an establishment of religion' in the eyes of the founders: yes, it would have.
NO ONEEven a groundhog in Pennsylvania named Punxsutawney Phil COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS…Sandusky's house is located adjacent to an elementary school playground. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Sandusky
Me?? Fish for a compliment?! I'm so insulted!!
Dragons are dangerous to a little bunny.
Hah…you wish it was fish.
Oh you tease.
He's asking you if you're a pisces.
Dangerous, you say? What, is the bunny afraid the dragon's gonna eat her … out?
So we're approaching the wingularity.
Truly. If that be Heaven, then I'll take Hell.
We're all going to hell, CRE.
Which is great, because it's gonna be full of crazy-ass motherfuckers, gay boys, lesbian nuns, sodomite tarts and wild wacky wingdingers. We're gonna have a GOOD time!
According to Hollywood it does.
There's no room for your "evolution" and "deep time" on God's 6000 year-old Earth!
According to geneticists, we are all the children of Mitochondrial Eve, and that baby daughter factory was African.
The Nig in Me says 12.5% for most of y'all white folks.
Yes, and you'd better be prepared.
Assuming a Supermassive Wingularity (as we should, given the observational evidence), as we approach the event horizon we'll experience gravitational time dilation, so that we'll never actually reach the Wingpoint.
The problem is…we'll be stuck, forever, in the Moron-o-sphere.
It's Ohio. ALL livestock keep a wary eye over their shoulder.
Come sit by me, I'll save a seat.
Wut? It'll be warm, and we get to hang out with Biel_ze_Bubba, if we're lucky.
If I get to sit by you, 'twould be Heaven indeed.
HAHAHA. It always gives me great pleasure to say that to racists (with a friendly smile). You can *see* them squirm at the thought.
Your are killing me…
Says the fellow with the healthy, 20-y.o. arteries. Buddy, when you get to my age, EVERYTHING's clogged already. Ain't no room fer no more cloggin!
20 year old? I wish; I'll be 36 in less than a month and am feeling old these days.
You are SO sweet to me! (Hug)
Sorry, honey-darling, are you hungry, too?
Imagine that served with a roast duck and bitter greens lightly sauteed with garlic and pine nuts. We ate till we almost died.
Ah-HA! Happy Birfday in advance, dear SorosBot. Consider yourself thoroughly hugged.
Old age ain't for sissies, baby. You'll be feeling a LOT older in 30 years, trust me on this. And I won't be around to see it, so here's another hug.
You really want to feel old? Have kids – you start feeling like a codger instantly.
Are we sure this hasn't already happened?
Oh, no…it has!
That's why there's all these Primary Debates!
It will never end!! AAAAAAHHHHH!!
I've known that for years. I think I'll fit right in.
Maybe open up a little Rum Punch and Sarcasm stand.
Cod be Praised!
That is something I plan on never, ever doing.
And I don't think his mother ever renounced her citizenship, making the whole thing moot. Except, of course, under the special made-up sexist rules of the birthers.
YAY SB!!!
Whatever happened to the ZPG movement, anyway? I thought I was the last person to even remember about it.
Honey, you and Fare *really* need to talk!
But that was *precisely* my point, dear SorosBot.
Under existing law, Obama's mother is a US citizen, and therefore her child is a US citizen. There are other factors that must be taken into account, but in *birfer* terms, this is the essence of the argument.
That's all right, sweetie (dusts off carbonized skin particles). We know the risk we take.
Carpe Diem!
I think that's Book of Armaments: "And Atilla knelt before the host, saying, 'O Lord, we thank Thee for this Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch….'"
Because God was so sick of the damned harps.
Massively Upfisted.
Those would be the first thing to go if I were in charge.
Worst thing about Heaven would be all those fucking harps. Pluck, pluck, pluck all the time. And the harp players? So smug: "Look how many strings it has! And I can play it!"
Yes, and let's not forget all those horrible Cheribim, whirring and zipping around like fat, naked hummingbirds.
What a fucked up place. I'm glad I'm not going.
"What if you went to Heaven, and it was just like they said it would be? Wouldn't you feel stupid?"
~St. Steven Martin~
Well-done science fiction on the big screen is exceedingly rare. Probably because the bad stuff makes for the most marketable screenplays.
Leaving aside the CGI space operas, there list of intelligent movies is pathetic:
Blade Runner (never gets old)
2001: A Space Odyssey (space fetus FTW)
Metropolis (classic, mostly for being classic)
Planet of the Apes (for lack of competition)
Children of Men (close enough to sci fi)
Jurassic Park (admit it: you had fun!)
Annnnnd … that's about it. With Arthur C. Clarke the sole representative of the great science fiction writers. H.G. Wells got some competent treatment, but nothing you'd call a masterpiece, so we're stuck with this pathetically short list.
Now it might have been based on a TV show, but I'd put Star Treks II and VI on the list. Sadly none of the Next Gen movies make the cut; while the TV was much better and more intelligent than the original series (at least after the first two seasons), the movies suffered the reverse trajectory. And Deep Space Nine was the most intelligent Trek of them all, but it never got any movies.
The first two Alien movies also deserve a spot.
There are also a number of sci-fi movies that don't get recognized as sci-fi, because the science fiction elements are subtle and they take place in the real world except for one element, and some of those are really good. For one great example, see The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And I normally hate Jim Carrey.
Also, a plug for the 1980 TV adaptation of The Lathe of Heaven, which proved you didn't need a big budget to make a terrific reality-bending SF movie. I know there was a more recent one on cable; haven't seen it.
(Look, we're not going to get into an argument over whether Lathe is SF or fantasy, are we? Oh, god, of course we are, because we're NERDS, and That Is What We Do).
The Man from Earth?
Also, I forgot, was Rocky Horror by Bradbury or Asimov?
What argument? It's got aliens from outer space, fer X's sake!
Someone should do a first-class movie of The Left Hand of Darkness — that would explode some conservatard heads.
Yes!
Well, there is Forbidden Planet, even though is was an adaptation of Shakespeare's The Tempest, it had some pretty advanced concepts for it's time – and a message for today.
"Monsters, Monsters from the Id." That should be instantly recognizable to anyone who's seen the Republican Primary debates.
Glad you guys mentioned Forbidden Planet and the 2 Aliens, I would have. Also the first two versions of "The Thing." There have been a few other smaller films in the last few years that I'm forgetting — "Splice" with Adrian Brody, I believe, among them. I just saw "Rise of the Planet of the Apes," which even sf-hating Mrs. Kincaid enjoyed, starring Hollywood's Go-To Primate, Andy Serkis.
Let's face it though, before Star Wars, as "pre-school" as it was compared to the best sf in print, sf got no money or respect from Hollywood.
I would love to see John Varley's "Gaea" Trilogy on the big screen — great concept, intelligently written, and plenty of chances to see topless lady centaurs and action heroines making out.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaea_trilogy
I thoroughly enjoyed "The Partly Cloudy Patriot."
Cannot read. My daughter had a collection of "My Little Ponies". Sorry.
Very good books, if you change your mind!
Funny and true: When I was a kid, I thought it was feces.
That led to a pair of "WTF?" thoughts:
1. How mad would someone have to be to nail poop to a door?
2. How, exactly, does one nail poop to a door? I mean … ya know … wouldn't that be kinda tricky to do, unless you sprayed it with shellac or somethin' (not to mention, EWWWWW!)?
When I found out in high school that it was thesis, it made a lot more sense.
Maybe in time I'll be able to give it proper consideration … but right now, the whole multicolored pony porn thing just makes me giggle.
Comments on this entry are closed.