Oh, Did Dumb Josh Duggar Do A Sex Crime When He Was 17, Just Like Jesus?

Well, well, well. WELL. Here is a story about Josh the oldest of 19 Kids & Counting^TM Duggar that may or may not be true, who knows, but since the Duggars, including Josh, are fond of saying things that are not true, for their various causes (FYI, Charles Darwin did not do the Holocaust with his theory of evolution), seems only fair that we report this story to you, even if it is made up, for the noble and righteous cause of making you vomit even harder at these dumb assholes.

According to an EXCLUSIVE! story from In Touch Weekly, "multiple sources" have seen a police report accusing Josh, who is now a professional gay-hater executive for the Family Research Council, of fourth degree sexual assault:

According to the report, Josh was brought into the Arkansas State Police by his father, Jim Bob, who said he caught him leaving a young girl’s bedroom and “learned something inappropriate happened,” one source said.

It would be irresponsible not to speculate about what kind of "inappropriate" nastiness Pa Jim Bob Judas uncovered that was so egregiously sinful, he had to take his teenage outlaw son to the police instead of just sending him to bed without dessert or making him sit in a corner and scribble "I will not do sins no more" a hundred times. Was Josh listening to some devil's music rock 'n' roll, with a young girl? Or talking about how maybe The Gays should also have rights too? Or wearing a poly-cotton blend, which is NOT ALLOWED, according to the Bible? Oh sweet lord and savior, maybe he put a condom on his penis!!! Who knows? Hey, let's ask Arkansas what it considers inappropriate fourth degree sexual assault:

(A) A person commits sexual assault in the fourth degree if, being twenty (20) years of age or older, the person engages in sexual intercourse, deviate sexual activity, or sexual contact with another person, not the person's spouse, who is less than sixteen (16) years of age; or

(B) The person engages in sexual contact with another person, not the person’s spouse, who is less than sixteen (16) years of age.

Ohhhh. So in 2005, when this maybe or maybe not happened, Josh was 17, which means (B) he did sexual contact to a kid. Out of wedlock!!! And, more importantly, against the law!!! That is nasty, Josh Duggar, and also really REALLY wrong, if you did that, you sick son of a bitch.Allegedly.

So why isn't Josh rotting in prison, for molesting a young girl, instead of speechifying all kinds of dumb untrue words about how oppressed and silenced Christians are in U.S. America, just because of how there are gay people?

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According to In Touch:

The state trooper who originally took the report about Josh shortly before 2005 never followed up. That state trooper was later convicted on child pornography charges and is serving a 56-year prison sentence.

Once someone from the Arkansas State Police who wasnotbusy doing time for his own sex crimes followed up on the alleged Josh Duggar sex crimes, the statute of limitations had run, so the state dropped the investigation because there was no point, Josh could not have been prosecuted anyway. What a lucky break for him, if true! But looky here:

Sgt. Darrel Hignite — identified by multiple sources as the officer who led the investigation into the allegations about Josh — told In Touch: “I can’t comment or discuss [this case] because of the sensitive nature and because it involved a juvenile.”

Hmmm. If Sgt. Hignite cannot comment on the case because of how sensitive it is, that seems to confirm thereisa case, does it not? Maybe it does not, it's possible a bunch of someones out there just really hate the Duggars a whole lot (who can blame them?), and all the homeschooled ignorance and hate they stand for, and the someones straight up invented this horrible smearing story about Josh Duggar doing sex crimes to a kid, when it's not even true, he really is a wholesome good Christian who happens to hate gay people, but never sexed anyone who was not his wife, and certainly not a child. And those vengeful someones convinced a sergeant to make a real awkward non-denial denial about the case by suggesting there was a case, when there was no case at all. Yeah, maybe that's it!

Or maybe Ma Duggar should have spent a little less time filling up her vagina with babies every day, for Jesus, and a little more time homeschooling Josh Duggar about how to not do sex crimes.

[ In Touch Weekly ]