Subway's Jared Lost A Lot of Weight, Gained A Lot Of Child Porn (Allegedly)

Good morning, have you had your healthy 6-inch Subway sandwich today? Well Jared Fogle, who lost so many pounds at Subway he became its spokesperson, probably hasn't, because his house was raided Tuesday morning, on account of so much kiddie porn:

Federal authorities raided the home of Subway spokesman Jared Fogle Tuesday morning. FBI sources told FOX59 state and federal investigators were serving warrants at Fogle’s Zionsville home in connection with a child pornography investigation.

The raid started around 6: 30 a.m. Tuesday. An evidence truck could be seen parked in the driveway. Investigators from the FBI and Indiana State Police were at the scene.

We were always skeptical that JUST eating Subway sandwiches could cause a human to lose all that weight, because everybody knows you have to exercise too! Some people run, some people do yoga, and others masturbate furiously to kiddie porn, we guess, ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. EW!

So, this is not the first time the words "kiddie porn" and "Jared from Subway" have been in the same sentence (or ALLEGEDLY! in the same room together), as it's reported that Russell Taylor, executive director of Fogle's nonprofit, the Jared Foundation, was arrested in April under similar circumstances and later tried to commit suicide in prison. Maybe these two things are related, or maybe it's just that type of thing where you've known somebody forever and had NO IDEA you two shared this one common hobby. The feds found "more than 500" kiddie porn videos in Taylor's home. We can't imagine what they'll find in Jared's house, tucked away in the folds of all his GREAT BIG PANTS. (Hey feds, you should look there, if you haven't yet. Might find stuff.)

So there you go, there is your gross alleged sex crimer story of the morning, in case Bill Cosby hadn't grossed you out enough already.

[ Fox59 ]