Pomp And Circumstance. Wonkagenda For Tues., Feb. 5, 2019

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today!

Later tonight Trump will give his second State of the Union address where he's expected to deliver a call for unity, and demand someone pay for his goddamn wall (or "steel slats," or "peaches," or whatever) to avoid another government shutdown. Sycophants like Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham are threatening people, telling them to get behind WALL and warning other Republicans against starting a "war within the Republican party" while Republican Senate leadership cautions against the constitutional crisis that would develop if Trump declares a national emergency over WALL.

Aside from screaming about Mexican Muslims invading the southern border with baby taco trucks and buttholes full of drugs, political forecasters think Trump is likely to shriek at his base by throwing a bone to anti-abortion nuts, and maybe declaring a way to win the war on HIV. Trump has also invited some kid from Delaware who says he was bullied because his last name happens to be "Trump."

Democrats are intending to troll Trump at the SOTU by inviting immigrants who've been "You're Fired" from Trump trash palaces, federal workers who were royally screwed during Trump's shutdown, activists who fought against Justice Rapey McPrivilege, parents with children lost during the Parkland massacre, and people who've been affected by Trump's baby jails and Muslim bantravel restrictions on ethnic and religious minorities from "shithole countries."

Federal prosecutors in the SDNY have subpoenaed a bajillion documents from Trump's inaugural committee because -- GASP -- it sure looks like the committee engaged in a vast conspiracy to defraud the United States via mail fraud, wire fraud, money laundering, and the usual lies and damn lies. Aside from ALLEGEDLY illegal payments from donors directly to vendors and pay-to-play schemes, the WSJ reports the investigation is very interested in super rich Not Americans ALLEGEDLY donating oodles of Ameros to the committee.

After MORE reports of DHS losing thousands of immigrant children surfaced, Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee are dragging the heads of DHS, CBP, ICE, and HHS up to the Hill to explain why they're losing kids locked up in Trump's baby jails, and why they think it's futile to try and find them.

Because Trump's shutdown forced SNAP recipients to receive their February allotments early, about 30 million people are projected to see a gap between their next dispersal of benefits of more than 40 days, and another 8 million low-income people could experience gaps longer than 50 days. #MAGA

Trump not only appointed Rear Adm. Ronny Jackson as the chief medical adviser ahead of his next check-up, but he's also nominated the pill-popping party monster for a second star despite the ongoing investigation into his boozy pill peddling.

Not only is the NRA facing a staggering loss of revenue and investigations into its ALLEGEDLY shady dealings between Trump and Russia in the 2016 campaign, but the gun fetishists weren't able to notch a single legislative victory over the last two years. That could have something to do with priorities, or it could be due to all the gun violence and mass shootings in Chicago, Las Vegas, and Parkland, Florida.

The Trump organization has "You're Fired" even more undocumented immigrants at Trump golf courses. Eric Trump tells WaPo that the Trump Organization's purge isn't a big deal, but WaPo notes it's impossible to tell how many people have been let go as cooking the books like a Trump Steak is standard practice at all Trump properties. In related news, New Jersey Sen. Bob Menendez is asking the FBI to protect the workers from deportation as they may be witnesses to crimes. RUH-ROH.

A new Monmouth University poll is burning holes in the pockets of political wizards this morning. According to the poll, Democrats want someone who can beat Trump in 2020, but even Republicans are divided on whether or not to they should "vote their conscience." [Poll]

Trump's 2020 campaign team is privately concerned about the big, orange elephant in the room, so they've been running around the country changing GOP nominating rules in order to snuff out any primary challengers. The AP reports pro-Trump goons are so concerned about all of Trump's vulnerabilities that some states are openly discussing canceling their primaries and caucuses.

Worried about his own reelection, Texas Republican Sen. John Cornyn has quietly launched his 2020 Senate campaign, locking down key endorsements in the event of a primary challenge. Politico reports that increasing numbers of energized and blue Texans could dump tons of cash into the race, just like Beto O'Rourke did to Ted Cruz, with Cornyn stating, "You could see why that might get my attention."

In a new interview, Howard Schultz whines about being called a "billionaire," and instead prefers to use the term, "people of means." This fucking guy...

Democrats in the Montana state legislature have introduced a bill to protect journalists by increasing the fines for assaulting reporters from $500 to $5,000 and up to a year in jail. Local politicos note the state already has similar protections for people like sportsball referees, and they're dropping the bill just as slap-happy Rep. Greg Gianforte gears up for a 2020 gubernatorial run.

Somebody leaked emails from Chicago's ultra-rich and pro-Trump Ricketts family, exposing patriarch Joe Ricketts as a conspiracy peddling racist Republican who believed Obama was a secret gay Kenyan socialist sex worker smuggling dope in his pooper. Other lowlights include joking about a genocide on Arab people, jokes about poor people and immigrants, jokes about black people that involve the n-word, and Ricketts declaring his white pride. Fuck the Chicago Cubs, fuck the Ricketts family, and fuck rich, geriatric MAGA assholes who think half-assed apologies absolve them of hate crimes.

Reports of the demise of ISIS(/ISIL/whatever) have been greatly exaggerated according to a new Pentagon report. Military commanders are reporting that a withdrawal of US forces would inspire the so-called caliphate to advertise a "win," and rally forces throughout Iraq, Syria, and Afghanistan. Compounding issues, the Iraqi Parliament has signaled it's getting sick of Uncle Sam's wishy-washy adventurism after Trump boasted about setting up permanent bases to keep an eye on Iran. Eager to stir the pot, the New York Times Editorial Board scribbled an op-ed calling for a withdrawal of US forces in Afghanistan because retrenchment is as American as apple pie, or something.

GOOD NEWS! Piece of shit FCC Chair Ajit Pai lost a court fight to strip tribal peoples and urban areas of subsidized broadband services known as the Lifeline program -- or as you know it, "Obamaphones." WIN!

NICE TIME: A number of players from that sportsball team who just won their big game are declining a trip to the White House, and asking if they can meet with Obama instead.

And here's your morning Nice Time! IT'S TOPI!

SNOW CHAOS! - Topi the Corgiwww.youtube.com

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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