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It's Oh So Quiet. Wonkagenda For Thurs., May 9, 2019

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


The administration's stonewalling of investigations by House Democrats has created a "constitutional crisis," according to House Judiciary Chair Jerry Nadler. The administration has a lot of political nerds worried about the precedents being set for future legislatures and presidencies. For their part, Trump World thinks this is all part of some nefarious and complicated plot to make sure Trump isn't reelected, so the increasingly isolated TV president is purposely throwing tantrums about the separation of powers. Meanwhile, Democrats are now threatening to garnish wages and jail Trump officials who refuse to comply with congressional subpoenas.

The Republican-led Senate Intel Committee has sent a subpoena to DJTJ. The committee wants to drag his ass back up to the Hill to answer more questions about that Trump Tower meeting with Russians in July of 2016, as well as the revelation that the Trump's were attempting to build a trash palace in Moscow. Axios scoops the subpoena is likely the result of Trump Junior declining a request to testify before the committee, while Maggie Haberman gossips that someone "close" to Junior told her this is a "PR stunt from a so-called 'Republican' Senator.'"

Fun Fact: Roll Call reports that in the past various rooms have been used to detain people who refused to comply with congressional subpoenas. There isn't a Capitol jail per se, but a number of reps are now getting questions about where they MIGHT hold grifters. Yesterday, Nancy Pelosi told WaPo she doesn't think we should be rushing to #LockThemUp (yet) because -- if there was a jail -- it wouldn't be big enough to hold all the administration officials who keep criming.

In a speech to the ultra-conservative Federalist Society, Mike Pence cried about district courts slowing down and stopping Trump policies, and tried to gin up support for SCOTUS to bar lower courts from issuing nationwide injunctions against things like Trump's Muslim travel ban, trans ban, and baby jails.

During one of his white supremacist campaign rallies in Florida last night, Trump laughed off one of his supporters shouting that we should shoot undocumented asylum-seeking immigrants, saying, "That's only in the Panhandle you can get away with that."

A bunch of Kellyanne Conway's really old anti-abortion polls have MAGICALLY turned up in new HHS rules giving doctors and health workers the ability to decline care for religious reasons. At the time, Kellyanne's fun with numbers was bought and paid for by the Christian Medical and Dental Associations in order to give religious nuts talking points about babby, but public health officials are worried the new HHS rules -- which cite Kellyanne's dubious and old data as their only source -- are from a time before Obamacare changed the opinions of current and future medical professionals.
Fun Fact: The polls cited were conducted online using self-selected doctors in faith-based medical associations, and Kellyanne wrote a memo on one that said the results were, "not intended to be representative of the entire medical profession."

Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren has ANOTHER new policy rolling out ahead of her campaign stops on the Appalachian hollers. Warren is teaming up with Maryland Rep. Elijah Cummings and proposing $100 billion for states to combat the opioid crisis. The proposal would spread money around to states and communities, various public health systems, and non-profits, prioritizing addiction treatment. Warren says the plan is easily paid for via her tax on the super rich.

South Bend Mayor Pete Buttigieg is crowding Sen. Kamala Harris in California, making a play for famous deep-pocketed donors and clamoring for some of the state's 500 delegates by holding a number of community events and low-dollar fundraisers. The move comes as a bit of a shock to political fortune tellers who thought Harris had the state locked up months ago, but others feel this is Hollywood trying the "flavor of the month."

Republicans want Wyoming Rep. Liz Cheney to replace Republican Sen. Mike Enzi, but the party is worried they'll lose a powerful bomb thrower and one of the only Republican women in the House. Cheney has been vocal about her intention to become Speaker should Republicans retake the House, but the allure of the Senate may prove too much for the gay-hating and torture loving bullshit artist.

North Korea is suspected to have fired two short-range rockets (again) that appear to be based on Russian designs, according to the South Korean military. The US has yet to comment on the DPRK's (allegedly) broken promise to Trump that it would no longer fire missiles.

Following the complete clusterfuck in Venezuela, Trump is beginning to question his own hawkish foreign policy. WaPo reports national security mustache John Bolton has pissed off Trump World by trying to shove the US into a conflict with Venezuela's dictator, Nicolas Maduro, and his simultaneous saber rattling at Iran. Business Insider reports that Bolton and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo have a hard-on for a war with Iran, and there's suspicions that Bolton is twisting flimsy Israeli intel to support his infamous "bloody nose" policy. Yesterday, in response to the US moving a carrier air wing into the Middle East, Iran said they would no longer comply with the JCPOA, causing EU members to issue a joint statement pleading with Iran to calm the fuck down.

Fox News has been fanning the flames of that stupid Ukranium One scandal, and it's just claimed its first scalp. Masha Yovanovitch, the US ambassador to Ukraine, was suddenly recalled for being disloyal to Trump World. Yovanovitch has been talking shit about (ALLEGEDLY) crooked Ukrainian politicos, but the whispers from Foggy Bottom say Trump World is trying to cover its own scandalous ass, and curry favor with Putin and his "little green men."

The 23-year-old MAGA brat who made headlines for his "Students for Trump" group has been indicted for wire fraud after ALLEGEDLY posing as a New York lawyer and grifting thousands, and now Trump World is trying to act like they never even heard of this little asshole.

Some dumbass kid who sued a Kentucky high school for excluding him from school activities due to not having been vaccinated for chickenpox has now contracted the chickenpox. The little shit initially made a big stink about religious exemptions, but I guess God (or whatever) didn't get the memo.

A Rhode Island school district has enacted a new policy for students with outstanding debt on their school lunch accounts. According to a post on the school district's Facebook page, students in free or reduced lunch programs will only get sunflower butter and jelly sandwiches if they're unable to pay their debts. Warwick School Committee chair Karen Bachus tells NBC, "Before we used to give a cheese sandwich which did single them out, but now we've gone with an on-the-menu meal. So what's wrong with that?"

An Ohio woman has been arrested on burglary charges after sneaking into her neighbors' house to pet a dog and wash dishes. Local police say the woman came through the back door and sat down on the couch, and began petting the family dog. An area resident told local reporters, "She didn't get mad or anything when they cuffed her up," adding, "At least she's a friendly burglar, you know?"

Denver just voted to decriminalize "magic mushrooms"! My dad thinks it's only a matter of time until they legalize peyote.

Samantha Bee 'splainered the crisis at the NRA, and how they've been bleeding so much cash there is no longer water coolers and coffee pots at NRA offices. (You guys knew that so long ago.)

NRA's Unfriendly Fire | May 8, 2019 Act 2 | Full Frontal on TBS www.youtube.com

And here's your morning Nice Time: KEYBOARD CATS!

Pianist cat 🐈🎹😴 www.youtube.com


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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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