Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

Trump has nominated Brett Kavanaugh for SCOTUS. A conservative judge nominated to the DC federal appeals court by Bush 43, Kavanaugh is a former Bushie and Heritage Foundation flunkie; all the "smart thinkery Republicans" are have been taking turns fluffing his balls.

Fun Fact: In a 2010 dissenting opinion, Kavanaugh sided with Sea World in a liberal case for death and dismemberment when a trainer was killed, fearing "the NFL could ban tackling ... [and] NASCAR could impose a speed limit during its races."

The DOJ is now trying to "denaturalize" people who commited criminal offenses before the naturalization process, like a 63-year-old Peruvian grandma who was a secretary to a dude who did crimes, and made the case against him. What a danger to society!

SOME immigrant children under the age of 5 are expected to be reunited with their parents later today, but the parents will be given ankle monitors. Could Trump's DOJ have done this from the beginning? Probably.

A US District Court in Los Angeles denied the Trump administration's request to delay reuniting immigrant children with their parents. Now families have to choose between deportation or detention. #MAGA

The judge presiding over a lawsuit on the citizenship question on the 2020 census has thrown Wilbur Ross under the bus, calling Ross's explanation to include questions of citizenship "untrue" due to the Justice Department's history of showing "little interest in enforcing the Voting Rights Act." BURN!

After watching Rudy Giuliani lie his ass off on all the Sunday shows, Michael Cohen's new lawyer tweeted, "Trump/Giuliani next to the word “truth" = oxymoron. Stay tuned. #thetruthmatters."

Those Republican Senators who took a working vacation in Russia for the Fourth of July met with sanctioned politicos and oligarchs in the lower house of parliament (the Duma). Now Sen. Ron Johnson has told a conservative rag that Russian election fuckery isn't a big deal. JEEZ! How many pee tapes does Putin have!?

Grab your popcorn! Mike Flynn is expected in court later this morning for the first time since he pleaded guilty to lying to the FBI!

Grifty bastard and Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke appears to have misunderstood why federal employees tried to save a nest of ducklings. It's not so shocking when you consider Zinke's history of murdering critters for sport and profit.

Rudy Giuliani has been taking a lot of money from Not America while serving as Trump's TV lawyer. It might not be illegal, but it's certainly unethical.

The guy who used to drive Trump's limo tells Bloomberg he's filed a lawsuit against the Trump Organization for hundreds of thousands of dollars over years of unpaid overtime and wages, calling it "an utterly callous display of unwarranted privilege and entitlement and without even a minimal sense of noblesse oblige."

House Majority Whip Rep. Steve Scalise is defending Rep. Jim Jordan against mounting allegations that Jordan ignored sexual abuse from the men's wrestling team physician while working as an assistant coach at Ohio State University in the late 1980s and early 1990s.

Mississippi Republican Senate candidate Chris McDaniel dumped Rick Tyler over his repeated criticisms of Donald Trump on MSNBC. Despite being Ted Cruz's 2016 campaign manager, Tyler clearly doesn't have enough bona fides.

House Democrats are facing a revolt from the youths, with Ohio Democratic Rep. Tim Ryan considering another run at Nancy Pelosi's chair.

In a new interview with Rolling Stone, Nancy Pelosi wraps some chiffon scarfs around her knuckles and sets shits straight about Trump, Schumer, the Blue Wave, impeachment, ACA, DACA, LGBTQ, and her "San Francisco values." Come correct!

The racist San Bernardino prosecutor who called Rep. Maxine Waters a "cunt" and suggested she be shot (and then said a bunch of even WORSE stuff) has been placed on leave by the District Attorney.

Here's video of a cop in El Paso, Texas, drawing his gun on kids while choking another kid he's trying to arrest, threatening the kid's mom with his ASP baton, and arresting another kid for taking a video. The cops were reportedly called because the kids were playing in the street, and had potty mouths.

DC just passed a measure to increase the pay for bar and restaurant workers to $15 by 2025, but a widespread revolt from the service industry workers is forcing the DC City Council to consider repealing or modifying the measure after it immediately began affecting tip outs and shifts.

Europe is sitting on pins and needles ahead of this weekend's NATO summit. Trump has been up obscenely early shitposting on Twitter about NATO allies needing to pay more for their defense. This prompted European Council President Donald Tusk to state, "Dear America, appreciate your allies, after all you don't have all that many."

In an effort to take the nuclear stink off his North Korea visit, Mike Pompeo made a detour to Afghanistan to say that Trump has made bigly progress, and added the Taliban can't "wait us out." Erik Prince and his merry mercenaries will sidle in for sloppy seconds once Trump pulls the US out.

British Prime Minister Theresa May is facing a revolt from the pro-Brexit faction of her party after the resignation of Foreign Secretary and bumbling jackass Boris Johnson, with many on the left and right threatening a vote of no confidence.

Awful sex monster Harvey Weinstein has pleaded not guilty to more charges of forcible sex acts in the first degree in a New York court.

A beauty queen and rape survivor in Massachusetts has given up her crown after the #MeToo movement was mocked during a skit about the swimsuit competition.

Megyn Kelly wondered why the swimsuit portion was cut from Miss America, cracking a joke about how she hoped her obituary noted her flawless abs, and stated that smart women aren't in beauty pageants. "Fuck you Gretchen Carlson," she oddly forgot to add.

Now might be a good time to dust off that crappy sketch comedy show your stoner friends made in college as AT&T wants HBO to get bigger ASAP by using the Netflix strategy of throwing a bunch of crap at a wall to see what sticks.

House Republicans on the Energy and Commerce Committee have sent Apple and Google nastygrams demanding to know if their phones are spying on them in speakeasies and cigar bars. [Archive]

Good News! All 12 of those kids stuck in a cave in Thailand have been rescued. YAY!

And here's your morning Nice Time!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.


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