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Morning Wonketariat! Happy 7/11 Day! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Before we get started, here's a porcupette!

You're welcome!

Rather than stuffing his fat maw with bacon and posing for pictures, Trump took a giant shit all over NATO this morning, falsely claiming that Germany is "captive to Russia because it's getting so much of its energy from Russia," and bitching about the "billions and billions of dollars" spent in defense of NATO allies. He's like a shitty landlord who raises the rent in the middle of winter after the pipes have burst and the gas is shut off.

German Chancellor Angela Merkel clapped back at Trump, stating, "I want to point out one thing: I experienced the Soviet occupation of one part of Germany myself. It is good that we are independent today."

The Trump administration missed its deadline to reunify all 98 immigrant families with the (under-five-years-old) children it kidnapped.

HHS Secretary Alex Azar went on CNN and said Trump's baby jails were "one of the great acts of American generosity and charity," second MAYBE to the Trail of Tears.

Sorry poors, the Trump administration is gutting federal support for small groups who help people get health insurance under the ACA, and is instead asking those groups to push insurance plans that offer fewer benefits and skirt consumer protections.

Here's a quick recap of all the damage Trump has done to civil rights and global stability in one year. You may need the booze...

Trump is turning the dial on his trade war up to 11 with a list of potentials taxes on $200 billion worth of Chinese exports that includes seafood, toilet paper, chemicals, shampoos and soap, paper, handbags, luggage, and propane. Trump's idiotic neo-nationalist trade advisor, Robert Lighthizer, is trying to spin this as a retaliation against Chinese tariffs (that were only enacted AFTER Trump started his trade war).

This morning, BMW announced that it would move production of its SUVs from South Carolina to China because trade wars are easy to win.

A bunch of Scott Pruitt's lackeys are being quit-fired from the EPA; a few will become swamp creatures while others are fucking off to Oklahoma with Pruitt.

Now that the DOJ has dropped all charges, a nonprofit police advocacy group says a lot of cops were overworked and underprepared for the flood of inauguration protesters last year, but adds cops acted recklessly and unlawfully when they confronted J20 protesters, and that "contributed to a large number of First Amendment demonstrators arrested who were not directly involved in destructive or violent behavior." *Slow clap.*

Lisa Page, the FBI lawyer who was sexting Peter Strzok, has stolen Devin Nunes's playbook in her defiance of a subpoena to appear before the House Judiciary Committee on the grounds that the committee hasn't given her enough documents.

Mike Pence is parachuting into flyover country to try and save all Republicans who are about to lose their seats this fall.

Wisconsin Republican Sen. Ron Johnson is being thrown under the bus after he stared into a selfie stick and told everyone to leave Russia alone following GOP's July Fourth vacay to Moscow.

Kentucky Republican Gov. Matt Bevin is blowing his dog whistle so hard in a new video featuring -- black people -- from the West Louisville Chess Club. See, y'all? Some of Matt Bevin's best friends!

The Bren Company, Orange County, California's largest landowner, has been using license plate readers from a tech company that sells its mass surveillance data to ICE. Late last night the tech company said it only shares its data with local police. Good thing sanctuary cities aren't under attack, amirite?

Beate Zschaepe, a member of a German neo-Nazi terrorist cell, was sentenced to life in prison for acting as an accomplice to the group's killing spree. Good.

Right-wing religious nut Dave Daubenmire thinks all the baby eating lefties are harvesting the adrenaline from aborted babies to get their rocks off.

Sarah Palin took to the interwebs to bitch about being "duped" by Sacha Baron Cohen while he secretly filmed a new show skewering politicos. The big news here is that Sarah Palin can still generate a headline.

Less than a day after WaPo published a story that cited The Onion, Univision wants to sell off The Onion and its Gawker leftovers. Apparently the news businesses isn't very lucrative...HINT HINT!

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! It's 7/11 Day, and you can get a free Slurpee from 11am to 7pm, if that's your thing.

And here's your morning Nice Time! NEWBORN baby goats!

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Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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