Lordy, Michael Cohen's Got Tapes! Wonkagenda For Thurs., July 26, 2018

Michael Cohen doesn't care if snitches get stitches, Trump's tax cuts and trade war tanking the economy, and reporters start fighting back. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things wemaybe talking about today.

Eight House Freedom crazies introduced articles of impeachment to remove Deputy AG Rod Rosenstein right before they piss off for August recess. Nobody expects this to actually go anywhere, and note the Freedom Crazies' habit for pulling stupid stunts right before a recess every election year.

 Natasha Bertrand has a new piece about Brian Benczkowski, the shady banker and Republican swamp monster recently appointed to head the Justice Department's criminal division, and whether he might try to screw with the Trump-Russia investigation.

Secretary of State Mike Pompeo spent yesterday bitching out the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, dodging questions from Republicans and Democrats about Trump's field trips to Russia and North Korea, and mocking senators trying to find out what the hell Trump is doing when he goes overseas.

While lurking in some DC backyard, Axios's Jonathan Swan overheard Jared and Ivanka's plans to stay in DC and carve out a power center that rivals John Kelly. Also he's still doing that dumb "Javanka."

 Sens. Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders introduced a bill to wipe out the $73 billion Puerto Rican debt crisis  andprevent corporate vultures and hedge funds from picking at what's left of the hurricane ravaged territory.

A new investigation by the New York Times shows the Trump tax cuts (for the super rich) have grown the federal deficit $1 trillion. As corporate greaseballs pocket more and more cash , things are only expected to get worse, and economists are warning that Trump's bailout for farmers won't do doodly squat if he continues his trade war.

The Trump administration is making a big stink about a proposed deal to curb Trump's tariffs on EU imports of US cars while it figures out how to sell US steel and aluminum in Not America, and appear tough on Russia.

FCC Chair and piece of shit Ajit Pai is pushing back on whining from Donald Trump after the FCC sent the Sinclair-Tribune merger to an advisory board for additional scrutiny. In an appearance before the House Energy and Commerce Subcommittee yesterday, Pai defended the review, but still bullshitted a bunch of answers. Call us skeptical.

 A new NBC News/Marist poll shows Trump's approval ratings have fallen into the toilet in three crucial midwestern states. Though approval of congressional Democrats is rising, a third of drunk, racist uncles would still vote for Trump again.

Chicago police are drawing criticism (again) after body camera footage showed CPD fatally shooting an apparently unarmed, 24-year-old black man in the back and telling a crowd, "You see your homie right there? You see your homie shot?" 

 Anti-violence activists have announced plans to march on Chicago's Lakeshore Drive towards Wrigley Field Thursday, Aug. 2, in protest of gun violence, and to "redistribute the pain" from the city's South and West sides . This has drawn the ire of tourists, suburbanites, and wealthy white people who bitch about uppity negroes causing traffic jams.

The global march to populist authoritarianism is expected to get worse according to a bunch of nerds who fear an acceptance of autocratic regimes in the the US, China, Russia, the Middle East, and Europe could mean the end of the planetary push for democracy and human rights.

 John Bolton's mustache told reporters that Vladimir Putin won't come to the White House later this year . Don't worry, Trump can still talk to his soccer ball.

 UK Prime Minister Theresa May's government is stockpiling food, blood and medicine now that she has taken over fragile Brexit negotiations with the EU. Meanwhile, Steve Bannon has been canoodling with child-punching Brexiteer Boris Johnson, leading to speculation that the two are scheming for a "hard-Brexit."

 Dead Breitbart is dying (again) now that Steve Bannon has fucked off to Europe to play with Not American neo-fascists. As it slides into obscurity and irrelevance, maybe Breitbart can pivot to video and breaking news, like the tronc?

 CNN reporter Kaitlan Collins was banned from an open Rose Garden event after asking Donald Trump "inappropriate" questions about one of his not-a-hooker tapes with Michael Cohen. Journalists throughout the mediasphere immediately lost their shit, and started pressing on the not-a-hooker tapes. Hell, even the president of Fox News called it bullshit!

Convicted sex offender Brock Turner says he wasn't trying to sexually assault an unconscious woman at a frat house in 2015, he was just trying to have "outercourse." 

 Gwyneth Paltrow got pissy when her publisher said it was going to fact-check articles for her magazine, Goop, out of a concern that its praise of holistic nonsense, like steam douching, was idiotic and dangerous.

 Michael Cohen is fighting back against Trump's cold shoulder like a sad puppy left out in the rain with 100 other recordings. This morning Michael Avenatti called on Cohen to release evidence that he paid off "multiple other women" in 2016 , and that there were concerns about a pregnancy. HOOOOO BOY...

 Michael Cohen secretly recorded a conversation with CNN's Chris Cuomo where Cohen admits paying off Stormy Daniels in 2016.

Emails from a whistleblower show the Columbus Police Department set up Stormy Daniels for arrest earlier this month, with one of the smarmy vice detectives even bragging about the arrest.

 Trump's relationship with the National Enquirer was way more scummy than anyone could have possibly imagined as Trump traded favors with the sleazy tabloid behind the scenes for years. NO COLLUSION NO COLLUSION!

 Facebook is warning investors it's going to continue to lose money as people realize it's a bad idea to posteverythingon the internet.

Democratic Sen. Mark Warner wants to bring CEOs from Twitter, Facebook, and Google back to the Hill to answer more questions about privacy and fuckery this fall. Will @Jack weasel his way out of this one too?

Science bozosthinkthey've found a muddy mass of salty water on Mars, but caution that it could just be frozen space farts. 

 And here's your morning Nice Time! 

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