Donate

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.


Trump sat down with 60 Minutes' Lesley Stahl and bullshitted his way through another interview where he failed to accept any responsibility for his administration's unending series of blunders or his own personal screw-ups. Trump also blatantly lied about his trade war with China, ignored political assassinations of journalists and critics in Saudi Arabia and Russia, insulted Dr. Christine Blasey Ford (again), brushed off his "love" for dictators, accused China (not Russia) of election hacking, whined about the Fed, shrugged off any legislation on climate change, bitched about NATO, and defended his baby jails by saying, "I'm president and you're not." [Transcript and Video]

Trump's economic advisor Larry Kudlow went on teevee to bitch and moan about the UN climate report that forecasts our imminent doom, stating, "I don't think there's an imminent disaster coming." Fun Fact: During the 2008 economic crisis Kudlow repeatedly denied there was a crisis.

Elizabeth Warren took a DNA test that concludes she does have Native American ancestors from back in the old'n timey days. That should come in handy as she has spent the past several months building an expansive network in early 2020 primary states. #ShesRunning

Georgia Republican Sen. David Perdue was not happy with a Georgia Tech student who asked why Perdue endorsed Republican Secretary of State Brian Kemp's gubernatorial campaign even after allegations of voter fuckery, so Sen. Perdue stole the kid's phone and bitched him out LIKE AN ADULT. [Video]

Republicans in Trump country are running from a #BlueWave poised to wash away all the Tea Party and Trump crazies, like racist Lou Barletta, and Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker!

After the North Dakota state Supreme Court ruled that voters need a fixed address and invalidated tribal IDs, Native American tribal officials will now work with Democratic groups to assign addresses for voters on Election Day. Immovable object, meet unstoppable force!

Riot police were called in to break up a fight between the far-right Patriot Prayer group and anti-fascist protesters in Oregon. Police made no arrests, but say they're investigating. Naturally, the entire thing was caught on video.

Blake Fischer, an Idaho Fish and Game commissioner, went to on social media to brag about killing a leopard, giraffe, impala, a waterbuck, and an entire family of baboons with his wife during a vacay in Namibia. Amid calls to resign, Fischer is defending his wanton slaughter by saying it happened in a shithole country (not America), and he didn't do anything "illegal," "unethical," or "immoral." Fischer adds that there's no trophy fee for hunting baboons, and says, "Baboons are free."

Cops in a small New Jersey town are facing a sexual harassment suit for waving around a dildo called "Big Blue" in the faces of colleagues. Unfortunately the suit is likely to be thrown out due to specific wording in the state's sexual harassment laws. And yes, there's video.

Women in an Arizona state prison complex are writing letters pleading for toilet paper and basic feminine hygiene products. State prison officials deny the reports as just a bunch of needy women, adding that the warden has told them it's only one unit, but the toilet paper supply is "good" and "rolls are being provided as required."

Organizers in Berlin say as many as 242,000 people turned out for a protests in opposition to the racist populism that has gripped much of Germany. The march comes amid an upheaval in the German parliament Sunday after elections saw the environmentalist Green party and far-right anti-immigrant Alternative for Deutschland party take a chunk of power from the coalition government of Prime Minister Angela Merkel.

Tens of thousands of people marched throughout France following the resignation of environmentalist Nicolas Hulot from the government of French President Emmanuel Macron, and in support of climate change legislation.

Kiwis shocked a bunch of business people at a climate change conference last week by saying even New Zealand's conservatives are going all-in on climate change legislation. Now the main sticking point is the country's agriculture sector, where cow farts are the the largest supplier of carbon emissions.

In a joint statement, foreign ministers from the UK, France, and Germany called for a "credible investigation" into the disappearance of WaPo journalist Jamal Khashoggi, and encouraged a the Turkish-Saudi efforts to find out what the hell happened. Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan and Saudi King Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Saud discussed the disappearance of Khashoggi during a phone call last night. Early this morning King Abdulaziz ordered an investigation. We feel better already.

In an op-ed yesterday, Turki Aldakhil, the GM of Saudi Arabia's state-run media arm, Al Arabiya, said the US should expect higher oil prices if there's any pushback for the death of Khashoggi. In a suggestion that basically amounts to blackmail, Aldakhil states, "If the price of oil reaching $80 angered President Trump, no one should rule out the price jumping to $100, or $200, or even double that figure."

WaPo has a nice 'splainer on how the Saudis have played Trump by manipulating Jared Kushner's Israeli war boner, pocketbook, and geopolitical naivete.

John Oliver 'splainered the US history of enabling Saudi Arabia, and how the Trump/Kushner bromance with Saudi prince Mohammed Bin Salman means there will probably be more dead journalists on both sides.

Stephen Miller's 72-year-old third-grade teacher has been suspended by officials at the Santa Monica-Malibu Unified School District for telling reporters that Miller was a glue-eating loner with a messy desk back in 1993.

The New York Times can't find any Kanye-Republicans, so they've created a form for Trump-loving black folks to fill out. I guess Al Jolson wasn't available.

Here's CNN's Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon earnestly mocking Tucker Carlson by doing their best impressions during a hand off.

Basement-dwelling garbage trolls have taken to calling liberal groups "NPCs," a term that refers to non-playable characters in video games. Pro-Trump man-babies have quickly adopted the meme as a way to "own the libs" in internet shitposts.

Pro-Trump dingus and Oculus-founder Palmer Luckey says he was forced out of Facebook. Luckey adds that almost everyone in Silicon Valley is rubbing their dick at the thought of making killer-robots, but a "vocal minority" are "getting angry and going to the public about it."

SNL had a cold open about Trump's meeting with Kanye. [Video]

And here's your morning Nice Time! IT'S TOPI!

Follow Dominic on Twitter and Instagram!

We're 100% ad-free and reader-supported, so consider buying us coffee, or get a subscription!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

$
Donate with CC

One of the most common things to say in America, just behind "Happy Birthday" and "NO COLLUSION," is "Mitch McConnell should go fuck himself." It works for all occasions, whether you have just stubbed your toe or whether you are in the middle of your wedding to your sweetheart. Try it!

But why should Mitch McConnell go fuck himself at this particular moment? Let's look at the top three current reasons!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC

Sucks to be you, Pat Shanahan! The acting Defense secretary is currently under investigation for preferential treatment of his former bosses at Boeing, who just got busted letting planes fall out of the sky if buyers skimped on the upgrades. Shanahan was never a favorite of Trump's, and now his chances of getting made Big Boy For Real Sec Def are decreasing by the day. Which means that he's going through all this shit for nothing! Womp womp!

What shit, you ask? Well! Last night Shanahan announced the first tranche of the "found" money the DoD is shifting over to fund WALL in defiance of Congress's constitutional spending powers. The Defense Department will be transferring the cash from accounts meant to support military personnel into "anti-drug funding," which they've decided means they can use it to build "18-foot-high pedestrian fencing, constructing and improving roads, and installing lighting within the Yuma and El Paso Sectors of the border." Already pissed off about the fake EMERGY declaration, although not pissed enough to override a veto, congresspeople on both sides of the aisle are hopping mad that the Trump administration dicked them around for months, shut down the government, forced them to negotiate for wall funding in good faith, and then said HA HA SUCKERS, WE'RE JUST GOING TO STEAL IT FROM THE RAINY DAY FUND ANYWAY!

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Newsletter

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc