2015: The Year Of Official Wonkette Baby Forever
Hi, remember me, your editrix? Probably not, because I have been on maternity leave for 300 whole years now! But you probably do remember my daughter, Donna Rose, the heiress to the Wonkette Media Empire and Mommyblog, who was born to us this June and will probably turn out to be some kinda Palin. A woman can dream!
Until the day 25 years from now when I retire and she takes over and sells the joint for parts to Newsmax, let's have some baby pictures!
Hi there, baby! You are so old and big and you can sit up and look at Christmas trees and wear hats sent to you by wonkers' wives! But first, they pulled you out of mama's stomach, and you were born.
Oh my goodness, if that isn't your graduation picture in ... 2033? Jesus Christ ... then I will divorce you, child.
When you were a week old, we took you to the farmers market and bought you a space bonnet!
That same week, you became a paleontologist astronaut and started teaching math at the local university.
Also, you slept a lot.
Then you woke up! HI BABY. HIIIII. Wait, that is not a baby, it is a BURRITO!
This was your favorite game when you were just a baby, not a big 6-month-old girl like you are now, it is called Bottle on the Head. It goes like this: we put a bottle on your head and then we say YOU GOT A BOTTLE ON YOUR HEAD!!!
It is very funny.
You went in the housecar to go see Grandma.
You went in the housecar to Crater Lake.
You went in the housecar to Oakland to see Kaili.
You went in the housecar to the beach!
And saw wonkers in San Diego! Oh wait no, that is Oakland too. Well, you also went to San Diego.
And you saw some wonkers in Orange County, where you were a mermaid, for some reason, who can ever know.
When you should really be the star of your own Pixar movie, because LOOK AT THAT PUNIM.
You ate food for the very first time, and YOU LIKED IT!
Nom nom nom nom! Before that, you celebrated gay marriage!
Also, you taught language arts at the local CC.
Then you did some other stuff, mostly including sleeping, eating, getting memed, and looking very cute and unhappy after your bath.
And then it was Christmas. Hi Christmas baby, hiiiii!
OK, baby, see you next year!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.