2021: The Year Tucker Felt Threatened. No, Even More Than All The Other Years.
A few weeks back, we had a piece called Politifact Coulda Just Given Tucker Its Lie Of The Year Award, TBH.
To be clear, Politifact didn't give Tucker Carlson its Lie Of The Year, but rather the award went to every single lie anyone has ever told about the domestic terrorist attack Donald Trump incited on the Capitol on January 6. And in an accompanying piece explaining its choice, Politifact named Tucker about 12,000 times.
Some excerpts, from our piece:
And then there's Goddamned Tucker, who has insisted many things about January 6: that it wasn't an insurrection; that it definitely wasn't a white supremacist attack even though it was committed by all these white supremacists; that any effort to hold those domestic terrorists accountable is an attack on all his (white) viewers and also on YOU; and that those people attacking the Capitol because they thought the election was unfair/rigged/stolen were right, to some degree. He literally said that last night. Of course, the implied message that Tucker surprisingly doesn't say out loud is that he and his white supremacist viewers will find any election "unfair" if Black people's votes and the votes of other people of color deny victory to their white choice.
Quite frankly, it's like he's been hosting a reality show called "So You Want To Be A White Supremacist Terrorist Sympathizer?" At the beginning of this year, we remarked that these things were vile, even for Tucker. Now we just say it's Tucker.
Tucker blamed the FBI, in a lie that apparently started with Alex Jones. [...]
The hysterical prematurely ejaculating climax of all of it, of course, came when Tucker released his "1/6 Was A Planned Demolition" inside job documentary, Patriot Purge.
Whew, that's a lot. Again, Tucker had to share the award with many people. And yet Wonkette's small summary of the Tucker sections of Politifact's much longer article had that much Tucker meat in it. Hahahahaha, gross, we said "Tucker meat."
Tucker, as a white man and as the de facto folk hero crusty old be-jizzed centerfold of America's garden variety white supremacists, clearly feels threatened by how actual patriots have reacted to January 6. He clearly feels threatened by America's outrage toward those terrorists and those who incited them. He appears to feel threatened any time it's implied or stated outright that white, allegedly straight conservative men should not be worshipped or allowed to play by different rules than the rest of us. And it really seems to bother him when people mercilessly mock those same white, allegedly straight conservative men, the way they deserve.
Maybe Tucker doesn't really personally feel all those things. Maybe Tucker's whole show is an act, a way to swallow up all the rubes' money and run away with it under his armpits. Anything is possible.
Below we will share some headlines we have written over the course of the last year, as Tucker opined on a variety of subjects. There are posts about what appears to be Tucker's own perpetual masculinity crisis; his proverbially constantly piss-stained khakis over the fact that people of color exist and are therefore trying to replace him; and of course his fearmongering and outright lying to vulnerable people about COVID vaccines. Know who's dying of COVID? Unvaccinated people. Know who's unvaxxed these days? A lot of 'em are white conservatives. Know who God's gonna hold responsible for that? Wonkette cannot speak for God.
Oh, we almost forgot. Tucker also spent a not insignificant amount of time this past year arguing directly against the American position and our allies' positions when it comes to foreign policy. Who's he for? Oh, just Russia and whatever other backwater Eastern European authoritarian states whose dictators offer him a lollipop and a spot on their lap.
It should of course be noted that many of these posts fall into several categories. A post about Tucker lying about COVID vaccines may contain more than a soupçon ofhis masculinity issues — OK, actually that happened quite a bit — or a thing where he's freaking out about gay people might suddenly get racist. You just never know with Tucker! He's a multi-tasker when it comes to being really awkward and maladjusted in a number of ways at the same time.
Tucker's Big Lies About January 6
Tucker's Movie Promotion For '1/6 Was A Planned Demolition' Going Well
Tucker Carlson *Strangely Insistent* All Fox Viewers Are Domestic Terrorists!
Tucker Still On His 'You're Either With The Terrorists Or You're Against Us!' Bender
Tucker Says Poor Put-Upon White Capitol Terrorists Were Just Trying To Ask Congress Some Questions
Tucker And Laura Teaching Your Nana To Sympathize With QAnon-Loving Domestic Terrorists
The Masculinity Issues, Some Of Which Are Also Vaccine Issues
And Now For The Sperm Report, With Tucker Carlson!
Tucker Would Like To Make A Prostate Analogy Now
Tucker Carlson Having Normal, Healthy Reaction You'd Expect To Pete Buttigieg Being A Dad
Tucker Freaking Out About Liberals Sterilizing Him Or Something
Tucker Carlson And Candace Owens Saw A Wet 'A'-Word 'P'-Word, And They Are MAD
Are Kevin McCarthy And Frank Luntz K-I-S-S-I-N-G? Tucker Carlson Will Find Out!
Might Be A Good Time To Remind Y'all Of That Time Tucker Carlson Beat Up A Gay Dude In The Bathroom
Did Joe Biden Ban High Testosterone Christians From Army? Tucker Carlson Says F*ck It, Sure!
Tucker Out Here Talkin' About Dudes With Their Peeners Out Again, Because That's What Masks Are To Him
How Tucker Carlson Get Pragnent? Joe Biden's Vaccines!
Tucker Worried About Getting 'Feminized' By COVID Now, Like A Normal Person
Tucker Willing To Judge Them Swollen Balls For Himself
Other COVID And Vaccine Lies, Oh God He Told Your Republican Nana So Many Lies, Hope She Survived ...
Tucker Carlson Thinks Vax Passport Is 'Medical Jim Crow' Against White Republican Men
Vile And Unrepentant Tucker Carlson Now Telling Your Nana COVID Vaccines Kill
Senate's Dumbest Republican Went To See A Man (Tucker) About Some Horse Paste.
Shitting On The Military, Getting Stiffies For Dictators, Etc.
Tucker Carlson Is A Garbage Human, Memorial Day Edition!
American Troops Deploy Combat Boots Directly Up Tucker Carlson's Ass
Tucker's 14-Minute Boner Infomercial For Putin's Russia Was Kinda Weird Last Night
Tucker So Mad Everybody Calling His Dirty Fascist Hungarian BFF A Dirty Fascist
Did NSA Put Secret Wire Tapps In Tucker Carlson's Underpants, Or Is He Just Babbling?
Fox News Still Doesn't Give A F*ck About Tucker's NSA Sob Story, And He Is MAD
Tucker Just Asking Why We Can't Support Mother Russia's War Efforts Against Ukraine
Tucker Finds Non-White Person To Stick Up For. Maaaaybe.
How Tucker Stopped Worrying About Being Bad At Phonics And Just Became Racist Instead
Tucker Feeling Threatened By Black Woman Who Is Vice President Again, We Guess
Oh Look, It's The Tucker Carlson/Andrew Yang Bonerfest Literally Everyone Saw Coming
Tucker Knows Why Real Estate's So Expensive, It's Brown-Skinned Refugees AIYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Not Sure How To Categorize These, TBH
Tucker Had A Weird One Last Night
Poor Tucker Must Be Feeling Frightened And Cornered Every Time He Goes On TV :(
LORD JESUS, THAT IS ENOUGH.
Or at least enough to get you started, if you have watched all the television and cinema and listened to all the music and read every book and wanked to every one of your favorite porns and eaten all the foods and you have LITERALLY NOTHING BETTER TO DO than read more Wonkette 2021 coverage of Tucker Carlson.
If that's the case, we are sorry, but knock yourself out.
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