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400-Pound Woman's Robbery Foiled When Scooter Gets Stuck; Then She's Tasered

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Scooter crime: Michigan edition.


Investigators said Perkins was attempting to leave the Rochester Road Meijer with more than $600 worth of stolen electronic merchandise when her cart got stuck and she was unable to drive out the door. [...]

Perkins — approximately 5 foot 2 and 400 pounds — shoved a loss prevention officer and hit her in the face, according to the Oakland County Sheriff’s Office. [...]

The deputy Tasered Perkins, who then complied with the deputy’s commands and was taken to jail.

But, unfortunately, the deputy was spattered in the face with hot sizzling suet. That's Pure Michigan. [Macomb Daily]

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CNN is suing Donald Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and others in an attempt to get Jim Acosta's press credentials restored. CNN attorneys argue that whatever lame excuse the White House fabricated about his beating an intern to death with a microphone, the real reason Trump suspended his White House pass was plain old not liking CNN's coverage, and that there is an unconstitutional violation of the First Amendment.

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Photo: Wikimedia Commons

LOVE AND MAWWIAGE! That is what brings us here today. More or less.

In fact, what brings us here today is Georgia Secretary of State Brian Kemp's herculean efforts to drag his ratfucking carcass across the gubernatorial finish line after disenfranchising a million of his constituents who wanted to elect Stacey Abrams. Like Prince Humperdinck shouting, "Man and Wife! Say Man and Wife!" Kemp insists that the vote tally MUST be certified tomorrow, whether the counting is finished or not. And if not, well, so much the better.

The part of Westley will be played today by Common Cause Georgia -- which makes perfect sense if you are a Millennial or Gen X-er. (And if not, apologies!) On November 5, Common Cause made a novel claim against the state of Georgia. They weren't saying that Kemp was deliberately ratfucking the voter data base himself. But they did argue that the insecurity of voter information guarded by the secretary of state violated voters' due process rights because anyone could break in and change the data.

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