Wonksplainer: 5G Conspiracy Theories And What The Hell Is Going On With Them

One side effect of the COVID-19 pandemic has been an exacerbation of practically every conspiracy theory in existence. People who believe in QAnon, Lizard People, New World Order bullshit, aliens, anti-vaxx crap, etc., have all imagineered ways in which the pandemic is a part of whatever their pet theory is. Even some people who may not have bought into these things previously are starting to look to them to explain what's going on, because they do, frankly, provide far more satisfying answers than reality does. This whole thing is less scary, on some level, if it's just a cover-up for something else, if people aren't actually dying, if they aren't actually risking their lives every time they go to the grocery store.

In recent weeks, previously minor conspiracies about 5G technology have gained a major foothold, leading to people in the UK actually going around setting fire to 5G cell towers. The theories are now spreading about as fast as the coronavirus itself, so we thought it would be prudent to do an explainer on what people actually believe and where it's all coming from.

What Even Is 5G?

5G is the fifth generation of mobile networking. It's supposed to be faster and more reliable than 4G, which is what most of us have now. Most major cell carriers in the US have it already, and it's been available in several major cities since 2019. It's expected to roll out across the world within the year. There is literally no concrete evidence that it is unsafe.

What Was The 5G Conspiracy About Before COVID-19?

The conspiracies surrounding 5G are actually related to larger and more established conspiracies about radiation in general, and HAARP in particular. HAARP stands for High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program, and its purpose was to "analyze basic ionospheric properties and to assess the potential for developing ionospheric enhancement technology for communications and surveillance purposes." Conspiracy theorists believe that it's being used to develop mind control technology, change the weather, and do other nefarious things. It's a very big thing among the chemtrail people, as you might imagine.

According to these conspiracy theorists, HAARP emits "scalar waves" which are used to brainwash us all through our digital televisions — and now they claim that 5G towers (which might just be HAARP towers in disguise!) are doing the same thing. Basically they think that 5G is going to be used to brainwash us and spy on us. They also think that it's going to cause approximately 85,000 extremely specific health problems.

But it wasn't just the chemtrail/HAARP people who were worried about 5G. In fact, various theories about the technology have found their way into a variety of larger umbrella conspiracy theories.

There are the conspiracy theorists who believed (and still believe) that it will be used to give people the mark of the beast and that they won't be able to buy or sell anything unless they have a 5G microchip implanted in them.

David Icke, who quite notably believes that all of the powerful people in the world are secretly lizards, also had some theories about 5G.

"It Will Be Bigger Than Chernobyl Disaster" | David Icke on 5G Technologywww.youtube.com

In May of last year, Icke predicted that because our bodies are "antennas," 5G will cause us to feel like we are on fire all of the time. It will also, supposedly, be used to change all of our "emotional frequencies" to manipulate us in various ways. For reasons. So basically, you know, mind control. And the lizards are definitely behind it.

Some of those who believe in aliens are slightly less worried, as they believe that there are Pleiadian healing methods that can protect people from the effects of 5G. However, several people who claim they are in regular contact with the Pleiadians are saying that said Pleiadians are sending them warnings about the technology.

And How, Exactly, Does This Relate To COVID-19?

There are two theories operating simultaneously here. The first theory is that people aren't getting sick because they are contracting COVID-19, but rather because 5G towers are making them sick. Essentially, world governments had to invent a fake sickness in order to prevent people from realizing that it was 5G technology that was making them sick. This theory is bolstered by the fact that the virus started in Wuhan, China, which implemented 5G last year.

The other, far more complicated theory is that COVID-19 is not real, no one is really getting sick, and that it is basically a false flag meant to keep us all in our houses while the government erects 5G towers everywhere. Then, once that is done, we will all get a "vaccine" funded by Bill Gates, and that vaccine will have a chip in it that serves as a tracking device, watching where we go and where we spend our money. The chip, I guess, will rely on 5G technology to work. This theory is bolstered by the fact that Gates is funding vaccine development and the fact that on March 23, Donald Trump signed the "Secure 5G and Beyond Act of 2020" into law.

A Facebook post claiming that COVID-19 was a distraction for this law went viral. It read:

5G LAW PASSED while everyone was distracted... - S.893 SECURE 5G AND BEYOND ACT OF 2020 -Signed into law 116-129 on 3-23-2020, that will speed up the installation of 5G and protect profits!

Children had to be out of schools for the covert installation. Parents are you seeing what's happening?

5G is 10,000 times the strength of 4G and uses the same frequency as a military weapon. Ripping DNA structures of living organisms.

It then listed the 35,000 health problems supposedly caused by 5G.

Now, I hate to rain on this conspiracy parade, but it seems like pretty much everyone who believes this crazy shit about 5G was very much aware that this was signed into law, and that everyone else wouldn't really need a pandemic to not pay much attention to it. Given all of the horrifying things Trump does on the regular, signing this law into effect doesn't even register.

The Celebrities Spreading It

Unlike most other wild conspiracies floating around these days, the 5G bullshit has a fairly bipartisan following. There are adherents on both the Left and the Right and they are both spreading it with equal fervor. It has also been spread by several celebrities and otherwise prominent folks. In fact, a whole lot of this originated with Robert F. Kennedy Jr., who has apparently taken a break from funding all of the anti-vaxx ads on Facebook to worry about Bill Gates taking over the world with 5G technology.

He wrote:

Is this the future for Amerika?

This video shows why Big Telecom loves #coronavirus. The quarantine has facilitated the unobstructed #5G rollout and has effectively ended the opportunity for mass public protests which were our best hope for derailing the 5G robber barons from microwaving our country and destroying nature. The Telecom Titans now have an open road, willing politicians and a compliant population sufficiently frightened, beleaguered, broke and submissive to relinquish their constitutional freedoms and welcome the surveillance state. 5G has little to do with improving service to individuals. It has everything to do with #BigTech data mining, surveillance and social control. If we don't stop them, they will engineer a massive transfer of wealth and sovereignty away from our citizens into the hands of Big Telecom, Big Tech (Microsoft, Facebook, Google) #BigPharma, the military/intelligence apparatus and the ruling plutocrats. Chief among these is Bill Gates with his sinister anti-American tracking system (ID2020), his suspiciously coincidental October 2019 Coronavirus War Game simulations (Gates passed out adorable coronavirus themed stuffed animals to all the high level participants), his pandemic documentary on #Netflix, his autocratic control of Anthony Fauci and the WHO (for which he is the top funder), his coronavirus #vaccine patents and his barely disguised — let's be honest — giddy-delight at the quarantine that is impoverishing his countrymen and crushing their will to resist his tyrannical "reforms." Gates wants us to cede all power to his "benevolent" dictatorship —including power over our bodies, our health and our children. Gates is the nerdy kid with the magnifying glass. The rest of us are ants getting torched in his global science experiment.

Please support our lawsuit against FCC to stop 5G. Children's health defense.org

Somehow it seems doubtful that there would have been any "mass public protests" given that up until now, the 5G woo was pretty fringe.

Woody Harrelson shared an article by retired professor Martin Pall (who also promotes a number of other fringe theories, such as one about how Wi-Fi is going to kill us all) about the relation between coronavirus and 5G, though he did note that he hadn't "fully vetted it."

"Paper Planes" singer M.I.A. also suggested that 5G was making it harder for people to heal, which is not backed up by science at all.

Monique Samuels of "Real Housewives of the Potomac" posted a real "do your own research" tweet claiming that people were being quarantined in order to put up 5G towers that will kill our DNA and give us the mark of the beast. Previously, Samuels claimed to have cured her son's sinus infection with essential oils.

Right now, things feel really out of control and people are scared. They are also incredibly bored, and all of that put together makes for an extremely fertile environment for wacky conspiracy theories like this to thrive and spread. Especially ones that are rather exhausting to refute. If you find yourself in the unlucky position of having to talk someone down from this bullshit, the UK-based fact-checking site Full Fact has a rather extensive library of articles debunking the various theories. Good luck!

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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