9/11-Humper Rudy Giuliani So Mad At Hillary For Starting ISIS

9/11 spokesmodel.

Hillary Clinton is guilty of many things. She does emails to Sidney Blumenthal about what a gas it would be to do Benghazi a whole bunch maybe after brunch next Tuesday. She does secret speeches to Wall Street where she promises them all ponies for no reason. She kills Vince Foster every year on his birthday. She even sometimes leaves the seat up after she pees, which makes Huma like "GRRLFRIEND WHAT DID I SAY?"

But Rudy Giuliani, crown prince of 9/11, has uncovered a new crime, which he explained to Bill O'Reilly: HILLARY MADE ISIS. Nah for real y'all this is some big news right here and whoa if true:

"If you are talking about doing what she wants to do, which is to rally our forces against ISIS, you have got to come back to the White House, you got to sit in the Situation Room, and you can't leave until you come up with a plan,” Giuliani said.

Obama “doesn’t want to rally anybody," O'Reilly shot back.

“She had her chance to do it. She helped create ISIS. I mean, Hillary Clinton could be considered a founding member of ISIS,” Giuliani insisted. [...]

“By being part of an administration that let Maliki run Iraq into the ground, so you forced the Shiites to make a choice, [and] by not intervening in Syria at the proper time," Giuliani said, referring to former Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.

OH he's just saying that when we started to pull out of Iraq, it left a bunch of chaos and a power vacuum and that if we had just left a million troops in Iraq forever and ever, there'd be peace on earth and good will toward men.

We were super worried Giuliani was going to say a noun, a verb and 9/11, and then follow that up with details of how Hillary bin Laden got a small business loan, LLC-ed the terrorist organization, made glittery business cards that say "Allahu akbar, you go girl!" and then put some ads on Craigslist to build her team of terrorism-doers. We don't think we could vote for her if she had done that!

Hey, we have a question: How on God's green earth did we even end up in Iraq? Yeah yeah yeah, we know Hillary voted to authorize use of force, which means she and Joe Biden and John Kerry and Harry Reid and Chuck Schumer and all the other Dems who got scammed by 9/11 Fever (a wholly owned subsidiary of The Giuliani Corporation) are unfit to babysit cats, much less be preznit. (We actually don't "know" that. We just know that some people believe it.)

But who started Iraq? HMMMMMM, time's up and go sit on a spiked dildo, Rudy Giuliani. It was your president George W. Bush and his band of merry warmongering whoremuffins! Hey, know who else supported the Iraq war, and also Bush's insane surge that actually, in reality, did fuckall to Make Iraq Great Again, setting the stage for the power vacuum that allowed ISIS to rise to power? Haha, we're still talking about Rudy Giuliani, who should really be punched right in his tits for opening his fucking mouth on this subject.

The difference is that Hillz actually is trying to do something to fix it, whereas Rudy Giuliani is sitting on the set of the Bill O'Reilly show with his thumbs up his asshole, bitching. But fine, we'll take his logic to its obvious conclusion. If the Hillzebeast made ISIS out of the pipe cleaners and popsicle sticks in her Tools For Girls toolbox, the following people did also too: Dubya, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Paul Wolfowitz and a whole other passel of dickcheese-covered fucksticks, plus all the Republicans who got on the TV and cried and wept and moaned about how Saddam did 9/11 and we must take him down, yadda yadda yadda blah blah snort.

People like fucking Rudy Giuliani, who can fuck right off as far's we're concerned.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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