When we last left Donald Trump Jr., he was signaling that he was going to ignore a subpoena sent by the Republican-led Senate Intelligence Committee, or maybe he would officially plead the Fifth, or maybe he was going to get all the way under the covers with his butt in the air so "nobody" could see him, thereby successfully hiding from committee chairman Richard Burr.

Other Republican senators continue to weigh in, like Rand Paul, who is not on the intel committee, and who has a novel idea about Committees, Do They Work Like Fucking MAGNETS?

That's right. The whole GOP conference should vote on what the intel committee does. And after that, they should vote on whether the intel committee is allowed to go out for lunch today, and what time they are supposed to be back.

It gets better from there!

Dennis, a Bloomberg reporter, goes on to say Paul is just worried that if Dipshit Junior comes back, there might be "discrepancies" in his testimonies (out here on planet Earth, we call them "lies"), thereby opening him to being prosecuted. You know, for committing crimes. Paul also said on the radio this weekend that Democrats were going to trick Junior into saying lies, specifically that they would "trip him up and get him to make some kind of mistake." We suppose this is a reasonable fear, because Junior is very stupid.

And surely by now you've heard that Lindsey Graham (also not on the intel committee) has been tying himself up in knots trying to decide in just what way Dipshit Junior should tell the GOP-led Senate to fuck off. He started this weekend saying that Junior should just hit the "fuck you" button on any cell phone calls from the Senate and stay home that day. That's right, the Republican chair of the Senate Judiciary Committee said the Republican president's son should ignore a subpoena from the Republican chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee. On Monday, Graham had changed his tune a bit, saying he guesses Junior should physically show up, and then refuse to talk:

"You just show up and plead the Fifth, and it's over with," Graham told reporters on Monday.

Which is Junior's constitutional right! Except ... Well, who was it that Junior's daddy said on the campaign trail pleads the Fifth?

"The mob takes the fifth."

True fact.


There's new reporting this week on just how all this came to be, and as with most things involving Donald Trump Jr., it features a lot of stepping on one's own dick. Know how long Burr has been negotiating with Dipshit to come back and testify? Since December. Know who's agreed to come in twice already to clear up any confusion (lies) from his previous testimony? Dipshit. Know who keeps walking away like an idiot? Dipshit. Know who's offering now to do a take-home test and turn in written responses to the committee's questions? Dipshit and his lawyers. Know who's offered that as an option? Not the Senate Intelligence Committee!

Oh, one more thing! Know what reportedly changed Dipshit's mind about coming back to the Senate Intelligence Committee, according to the New York Times? The Mueller Report came out. So yeah, um, draw your own conclusions as to what might have spooked the poor child.

If you'll remember, at issue seems to be Junior's "discrepancy" (lie) that he was only "peripherally aware" of the ongoing negotiations for the Trump Tower Moscow project, while his daddy was on the campaign trail lying and saying NO RUSSIA! That's not what the Mueller Report says.

Oh yeah, and also the committee would presumably like to nail down the truth about whether people (like Daddy) were aware he was about to have a Russian meeting in Trump Tower to get dirt from the Russians on Hillary Clinton (for Daddy). The Mueller Report and Michael Cohen's testimony to Congress seem to suggest maybe Daddy knew, since Dipshit had blurted out during a campaign meeting not long before the meeting that he had a hot lead on some hot dirts on the Clinton Foundation. (The Mueller Report also seems to suggest Junior is too physically stupid in his brain to be indicted.)

And then there's that weird little thing where his signature is on some of the porn payoff reimbursement checks to Michael Cohen, who has confessed in open court that he committed those campaign finance crimes at the direction of "Individual-1" (Daddy).

So many questions, so little time! We guess we'll just have to see if Dipshit has the balls to come and sit before the committee and plead the Fifth, just like he (and Daddy) most likely did for Robert Mueller. Only then will we know how SUPER FOR REAL innocent he really is.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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