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Gloria Vanderbilt Died, Which Means It's Time For CRAZY Q-ANON SH*T About Gloria Vanderbilt!

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On Monday, Gloria Vanderbilt -- socialite, jeans lady, and mom of Anderson Cooper -- passed away at the age of 95. In more normal times, this would merely result in a few obituaries and tributes about her life, and the requisite few RIP tweets.

Unfortunately, we do not live in normal times. These days, no celebrity can die without it becoming the purview of the crazypants QAnon cult, followers of which believe that no one ever dies under normal circumstances, especially not 95-year-old ladies.

Vanderbilt and her family were already something of an obsession with these people due to several "Q proofs" accusing her of doing magic spells, wearing magic illuminati owl necklaces, and [checks notes] doing something involving "red shoes," which the QAnon people think people only wear if they love sacrificing children to Satan.

Yes, this is a thing. No, I do not know if they are also mad at Elvis Costello.


Specifically, they think that Gloria Vanderbilt (like Hillary Clinton) was a "Luciferian priestess" who sacrifices children for their adrenochrome in an empty pool at Biltmore Mansion in North Carolina. "Look it up!" implored a highly retweeted post from "Joe M," aka "StormIsUponUs."

Well, I will have you know I did look it up, and it was just as I expected: Gloria Vanderbilt never lived at Biltmore Mansion, which also has not been a private residence since 1956. That was the other branch of the family. The branch that lived in North Carolina. Gloria Vanderbilt and her family lived in New York, so it would have been pretty difficult for her to be going around throwing a bunch of child sacrifice pool parties in a house her extended family no longer owned in North Carolina.

It is so surprising, truly, that these highly skilled "researchers" missed all of that when they were off doing their own research.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, "Self! I thought the very reason why all these people were harvesting that adrenochrome was so that they could be immortal! Why would anyone bother with all that child sacrifice if they don't get to be immortal?" Well, there is a possible explanation for that.

One thing they've been passing around quite heavily is this completely batshit blog post from 2018 written by some other QAnon follower person named James True, who claims that the Vanderbilts are all programmed in their blood to do evil illuminati stuff, whether they realize it or not. He knows this for a fact because of his dog, Butter.


My dog Butter is mostly an Australian Shepherd. Years ago, I was visiting a farm in Tennessee. It was getting late and he broke free from the property. He ran up a hillside at least a mile away and began to gather cows in the setting sun. He gathered five of them and corralled them back down to the barn. He had transformed into this strange strategic wonder dog of nipping and yelping. He was fearless under their stomping hooves as he placed each one inside the fence. He returned when he was finished to sit by my feet. The whole time this was happening I was trying to command him to stop. He would not listen. Butter was not my dog anymore. He was an alter. The cows and the sunset had triggered him. I have had this dog my whole life. I assure you he has not been to cow school. We say these abilities are bred into the genes, but science does not claim to understand the exact mechanism. Genes hold a variety of programs locked inside a morphic resonance. Things like hereditary mannerisms, a spider's web, a corralling sheep dog, or even a ritual murder are all examples of programs. In every case, the bloodline is the hard drive.

It's just science!

This next part is sad, so you know, I feel like we should tell you that.

True claims that Vanderbilt was one of 13 "dark mothers" — though he does not know who the other 12 are — and that she was programmed by her very blood to force The New Yorker to publish a story, and then read that story to her son Carter, who was then immediately compelled jump out of a window at the age of 23 in an act of Satanic ritualistic sacrifice. I guess.


Gloria did not know she was an alter. She knew she had these dreams but she considered herself a deeply spiritual artist. She had all the money in the world to convince her she was gifted. Her family were the chosen. She believed her purpose was to share her artistic vision of pattern and form. She was a trendsetter. Gloria never considered ritualistically killing one of her children. Just like my dog Butter, she had been programmed a long time ago. All she needed was to hear the trigger and she would run the trauma program known as Dark Mother.

He also uses that one picture to demonstrate his "theory."

I blame Glenn Beck and his damned chalkboard for all of this.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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