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A Children's Treasury of Brand-New Birther Theories To Explain Eveything

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Hey, everybody found America's First Dentist Orly Taitz. "In those days nobody wrote African as a race, it just wasn't one of the options. It sounds like it would be written today, in the age of political correctness, and not in 1961 when they wrote white or Asian or 'Negro,'" she said. Aha! So even though Obama's father was distinguished in society as a foreign African rather than an American Negro, birth certificates were blind to these differences. Sure. Birthers are very creative! President Obama finally gave them the one thing for which they asked, and to avoid just finally shutting up, they refuse to accept it.


Oh, this is fun too:

"In Obama's Selective Service [document], his social security is listed as a Connecticut Social Security number," said Taitz, who has tried to have forgeries introduced into court filings before.

Over at WorldNetDaily, they say that the wife of the doctor who signed the form is a bureaucrat in Hawaii. The doctor, conveniently, is dead. (He's rotting in a shallow grave with Vince Foster somewhere.)

Sinclair's wife, Ivalee Mae Sinclair, 82, works for the state of Hawaii's legislature.

In January, she was elected chairman of the Special Education Task Force of the Department of Education, a panel she has been on since its founding by the state legislature in 2007.

Even WND is unsure how this points to conspiracy, but, uh, you know! Rarrrrrrr! 82-year-old woman nobody's heard of before, rarrrrrr! Scary!

Jerome Corsi is releasing a book through WND's press in a few days. It's called Where's the Birth Certificate?. (The answer to this title: on the front page of every news site today.) But:

"Public pressure finally forced Obama to do what he did today. Now the game begins," said Corsi. "Nixon thought he could stop the Watergate scandal from unfolding by releasing a few tapes. All that did was fuel the fire."

See, back in Nixon's day, everyone was claiming Nixon wasn't a penguin. "But I am a penguin, you ingrates!" Nixon yelled. He released some tapes, but there was nothing on them about being a penguin. So this is the same thing. It's Watergate.

And look, "historians" found a random quote:

Representative John Bingham of Ohio, a principal framer of the Fourteenth Amendment, offered some definition for presidential qualifications in a discussion in the House on March 9, 1866: "[I] find no fault with the introductory clause [S. 61 Bill], which is simply declaratory of what is written in the Constitution, that every human being born within the jurisdiction of the United States of parents not owing allegiance to any foreign sovereignty is, in the language of your Constitution itself, a natural born citizen."

"So according to Bingham, as well, Obama would not be eligible to serve as president," wrote Klein.

Perfect. The truth is easy to avoid when you use a little imagination! Try it out sometime, kids. All these adults are providing you the perfect example. [Twitter/TPM/Ben Smith/WND/WND/WND]

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The Church of Scientology had some thoughts about Our Robyn's piece, Who Wants To Watch A Creepy White Guy Rap About Scientology? We had some thoughts about their thoughts.

Thanks for writing in, Scientology! As you doubtless realized when you didn't demand we take down our story, but requested it instead, our opinions of your weird cult and that poor young man's rap skills are protected by the First Amendment. (I learned about libel law in college and grad school but also on the job: I was in newspapers so long that I was actually colleagues with Tony Ortega -- about whom you sound quite "venomous" and "biased" -- at the very same newspaper chain you can't believe he defended! Next up, please show your due diligence by talking trash about a woman you didn't know was my mom.)

Also, a lot of your former members say on the record that you kidnap people, and stalk them, and harass them, and sometimes beat them up good, and I request that if so, fucking stop it.

The rest of you click the headline, if you want your OPEN THREAD.

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Monday's Trump-Putin press conference landed on the entire free world like a hot treason-shaped turd, didn't it? Congressional Republicans have been saying mean things about it on Twitter, and even Fox News has been less than 100% supportive! The White House communications department obviously knew it had a crisis on its hands, what with how it's generally considered inappropriate for the leader of the free world to get on all fours in front of the Russian president and wag his tail and slobber with anticipation while he awaits his next marching orders. WOMP WOMP, etc.

So the comms department typed up a thing for the president to read aloud today at the beginning of his meeting with members of Congress, about how he was VERY SORRY he said one word incorrectly during the Putin presser. That's right, only one word of that whole fucking shitshow was wrong. All the rest of his traitor words were exactly what he meant to say.

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