A Toast To Republicans, Who Spent The Week Kicking The Sh*t Out Of Each Other

Republicans in disarray? We'll drink to that! So let's raise our glasses to a few delightful stories brought to us by our pals at Politico and Salon this fine Friday.

First up, this morning's Playbook got some delightfully dishy dirt on Kimberly Guilfoyle's fall from grace in Trumpland. Apparently, Poppy is cheesed that Deej's ladyfriend took a job running Eric Greitens's US Senate campaign in Missouri when he'd rather throw his brand behind Missouri AG Eric Schmitt or Rep. Billy Long, neither of whom come with Greitens's ... baggage.

"Trump thinks Greitens is problematic, and that Kim is annoying," said one Trump adviser. "He said, 'Why the f--- is she working for him?'"

Another adviser said Trump would not endorse Greitens if the primary were today, citing the scandal that forced him to resign as governor three years ago: allegations that he tied up, sexually assaulted and blackmailed a St. Louis hairdresser with whom he had an affair in 2015.

Problematic? The former governor who tied his girlfriend to an exercise machine in his basement and snapped a naked photo of her, threatening to send it to the world if she told anyone about their affair? YA THINK?

Guilfoyle, who has her own interesting history with naked photos ALLEGEDLY, has further pissed off Trumpland by trying to profit off her association with The Former Guy six ways from Sunday, including "nudging Trump's team to join the Make America Great Again Action super PAC before finally being added to its roster late last month as national finance chair."

Stay classy, Kimmy!

Over in Texas, state GOP chair Allen West is ready to burn shit down with his gubernatorial challenge to fellow Republican Greg Abbott. West has refused to resign his position even after announcing his candidacy, despite a letter from 18 county GOP chairs demanding that he do so immediately.

The former Florida congressman, who moved to Texas in 2015, is headlining an event in Alaska this evening called "The Heart of Alaska is Bigger Than Texas," which will no doubt endear him to Lone Star voters. This caps off a week when he called the party's vice chair "a cancer" — she's a cancer survivor.

"Texans won't agree with the event being billed as 'the heart of Alaska is bigger than Texas,' but Allen West has proven he has never understood our state," Matt Mackowiak, a Texas-based political consultant who chairs the Travis County GOP, told Politico. "We don't like bullies, egomaniacs or jerks, and he is all three."

Which is fucking rich coming during a week where Governor Abbott has called a special session in which he and his fellow Republicans plans to bar trans kids from participation in gender-appropriate sports statewide, as well as making it much harder for their constituents to vote.

And in JV Crazytown, things are getting tense at CPAC, where white nationalist Nick Fuentes and his merry band of frog dicked "groypers" are making a mess of Charlie Kirk's efforts to put lipstick on his racist pigface. Fuentes, last seen palling around with that loon Paul Gosar, has once again showed up at the Konservative Koffee Klatch in Dallas, only to film himself being denied entry.

As Salon's Zachary Petrizzo notes, Fuentes uses CPAC meetings as a rallying point for his own competing group, AFPAC — that's America First Political Action Conference, natch:

A years-long feud between Fuentes and CPAC organizers appeared to escalate on Wednesday after Fuentes' declaration.

"I'm going to CPAC in Dallas on Saturday," he tweeted to his loyal "groyper army," many of whom responded with excitement. "Well, most likely, I'll be getting physically removed from CPAC in Dallas on Saturday, but you can come watch if you want," he added.

"I will be there! Can't wait!" one follower responded to Fuentes' tweet. Another wrote, "groyper swarm incoming." In other online forums reviewed by Salon, many of Fuentes' followers posted plans to attend CPAC and partake in a "White Boy Summer" meetup in the Dallas-Fort Worth area.

After which, Fuentes's Twitter account got suspended. Which greatly upset J.D. Vance, the Ohio Senate candidate created in a test tube by libertarian billionaire Peter Thiel.

Vance, who went to Yale Law School, knows damn well that the First Amendment does not apply to Twitter. But we're not going to get bent about it on this fine, Friday afternoon. If evil billionaires want to pay evil millionaires to LARP as working class heroes to get 12 percent of the primary vote, have at it.

In summary and in conclusion, LET THEM FIGHT.

[Politico / Politico / Salon]

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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