Achtung! A Note About Your Wonkette And This Summer's Conventions!
Friends, Romans, Terrible Ones! We promised you a summer tour culminating in a frenzied orgy at July's Democratic and Republican conventions.
Our word? We are going back on it. Shy's father is gravely ill, and we can't just skip out for a month at a time all SEE YA FUCKER. (He is a very good father, and a very nice father-in-law, and the best possible grandfather, and we are very worried.) However, we are hereby both making amends and doing you one better: our own Evan Hurst is going in our place, and he will probably be much better at covering the parties and nonsense than we would, because he is young and gay and vibrant, and we are old and tired and would probably just sit in the Wonkebago bitching about traffic and lawns, getting off of, the whole time anyway. (If you donated to the Wonkette Wonkebago beautification fund in the sidebar, Shy is returning your lovely muneez, with our thanks.)
Are you a Philly or Cleveland wonker who would like to host our Evan? (We imagine he is a lovely houseguest.) Email him at evan at wonkette dot com and explain him how good a time he would have with you! I am pretty sure he likes liquor, gay sex, and maybe some drugs, I don't know, I am just guessing.
We will be sorry to miss the "fun" (riots) with Evan and with you, but we'll catch you in 2020, when President Trump is primaried by Secretary of Energy Palin and Vice President Huckabee. Won't that be a hoot!
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.