Actual Nazi Sentenced To Prison For Genocide, Obamacare

Nazis, amirite? Cramming gay marriage down everyone's throats, handing out taxpayer-funded sexxxytime abortion pills to corrupt your innocent virginal daughters, socializing healthcare, saying mean things on the internet about Christian pizza parlor owners* -- and oh yeah, murdering millions of people. So THE WORST:  

A court in Germany sentenced former Nazi officer Oskar Groening, known as "the bookkeeper of Auschwitz," to four years in prison Wednesday in what may be one of the last such trials, given the decades that have passed.

Groening, who's in his 90s, was found guilty by the Lueneburg court of being an accessory to the murder of 300,000 people at the Auschwitz death camp in Nazi-occupied Poland during World War II.

He seems nice, huh? Average nerdy pencil pusher, balancing the books and crunching the numbers to keep the Third Reich in the black while it tried to slaughter every last Jew on the planet, plus some of those other undesirables like the homosexbians, commies, and trade unionists. (Can't really blame them for the unionists, though -- we all know what a bunch of thugs they are.)

Groening had previously admitted he kinda took part in that whole Holocaust thing. But it's not like he personally flipped the gas chamber switches:

"I saw the gas chambers. I saw the crematoria," he told the BBC in the 2005 documentary Auschwitz: the Nazis and the "Final Solution".

"I was on the ramp when the selections [for the gas chambers] took place."

Mr Groening, who began work at Auschwitz aged 21, has always maintained that his role as a guard was not a crime.

"If you can describe that as guilt, then I am guilty, but not voluntarily. Legally speaking, I am innocent," he told Der Spiegel in 2005.

During his trial, however, he acknowledged thatmaybehis participation in the murder of hundreds of thousands of Jews at one of the Nazis' most infamous concentration camps was sort of wrong, but he's sorry about all of that:

Addressing the judges, Mr Groening also said: "I ask for forgiveness. I share morally in the guilt but whether I am guilty under criminal law, you will have to decide."

The judges considered it and decided that yup, he is guilty as fuck and should go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Groening might have received an even lighter sentence for himself -- a mere four years for being an accessory to the murder of 300,000 people seems sort of generous, doesn't it? -- but the stubborn bastard apparently prefers to die in prison rather than rat out any of his fellow Nazis:

"In deciding the penalty, the court in particular considered the plaintiff's age and that he should have a chance to spend some part of his life in freedom after serving his sentence," a court statement said.

But the court did not accept that Groening deserved a lighter sentence, since he did not help clarify other possible crimes committed by other SS members he knew, the statement said.

Fine, then, you genociding Nazi motherfucker, enjoy prison. And then hell.

 *The Nazis never actually did any of that. Here's your handy flowchart in case you're confused. 

[ CNN / BBC ]