helicopterer of subpoenas

For weeks, Donald Trump held America hostage with his tweet threats to former FBI director James Comey that MAYBE he has "wire tapps" of their conversations with each other, so Comey better tell the truth about how much justice Donald Trump tried to obstruct. (ALL OF IT, KATIE.) Some people (yours truly) are like PFFFFFFT FUCK OFF, Trump has no goddamn tapes. Other people (your Wonkette editrix Rebecca) are like PFFFFFFT YOURSELF, maybe Trump himself didn't record those conversations, but one of his weirdo surveillance goons might have! So we still don't know, not for sure.

Rep. Adam Schiff, ranking member on the House Intelligence Committee, would like to know for sure. In fact his committee had ordered the White House to please turn over any "recordings, memoranda, or other documents" that might exist, and said to please turn in that homework by last Friday. Trump's tweet official White House statement that he didn't have any tapes came the day before. Did Trump say that because he really doesn't have tapes, or did he say that to shut Adam Schiff up?

If so, his little plan failed, just like all of Trump's little plans fail. Schiff is ready to stand up straight and helicopter his great big subpoenas into Donald Trump's throat. (DO YOU GET IT? BECAUSE "SUBPOENAS" SOUNDS LIKE "PENIS" AND HELICOPTERING IS A THING GUYS DO WITH THEIR PENIS, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE ADAM SCHIFF, ALLEGEDLY.)

God, we are idiots on Fridays:

Reps. Mike Conaway (R-Texas) and Adam Schiff (D-Calif.) said in a joint statement the White House needs to clarify whether it has “recordings, memoranda, or other documents” — adding that they will consider using a “compulsory process” to ensure a satisfactory response. [...]

The White House later sent Conaway and Schiff a letter referring them to Trump’s Tweet.

But the two lawmakers now say that’s not enough. [...]

The pair said in their joint statement they have sent the White House a letter asking that it “fully comply” with their request.

Ooh, Mike Conaway is ready to play helicopter with his subpoenas too! We didn't know Congressional Republicans were willing to do that to Republican presidents, but hey, it's 2017, anything goes!

Mike Conaway also has huge subpoenas, allegedly.

So! Will the White House comply with their request now? Or will they wait for Adam Schiff and Mike Conaway to take Trump furniture shopping, with their subpoenises?

No clue, we just wanted to make a bunch of dick jokes about Adam Schiff's subpoenas.




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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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