Dana Rohrabacher Curious If Kremlin Having A Job Fair Anytime Soon, Or ...
Image: Dana Rohrabacher's office

The Associated Press finally called the race in California's 48th Congressional District late Saturday for Democratic challenger Harley Rouda, bringing an end to nearly 30 years in Congress for US Rep. Dana Rohrabacher. Over the years, Rohrabacher had represented not only his super-conservative Orange County district, but also the Taliban and Russia, and as his district has become more liberal -- or at least less frothingly rightwing John Birch Society-esque -- it was probably only a matter of time until his seat went blue. Rohrabacher's enthusiastic defenses of Donald Trump and of Vladimir Putin only hastened the swing this year. Too bad, so sad!

Let us bid a fond but not drawn out farewell to one of Congress's more spectacular idiots while we hope he's joined by many others, soon.

How awful was the congressional career of Dana Rohrabacher, on a scale of zero to Steve King? Quite simple answer to that: He was the Louie Gohmert of Michele Bachmanns, only based in California. He's been a rightwing nutcase since he was a speechwriter for Ronald Reagan, and later, after he got elected to Congress, he quickly set to work being all racist and shit, pleasing his constituents by complaining, back in 1992, about "illegals" coming to the USA to simultaneously take all our jobs AND lazy around on welfare.

He first came to our attention when yr Editrix shared her hilarious reminiscences of witnessing Rohrabacher "almost sliding from his barstool one night." He is a bit of a tippler in the grand Congressional Drunk tradition. And of course, after Rohrabacher helped set Reagan's policy in Afghanistan -- remember, Reagan called the fundamentalist rebels the equivalent of the founding Fathers, because they, too, hated the Soviet union -- Rohrabacher actually went to Afghanistan, after being elected to Congress, to hang out and do cosplay with the mujahideen. He'd later insist none of the freedom fighters he liked best became the Taliban, because don't be silly, he hated the Taliban.

Rohrhabacher is the kind of congressnut who liked being described as "colorful," although sometimes his critics were more fond of calling him "bat-shit crazy" (We'd make that one word, unhyphenated). He liked to publicize his image as a rightwing surfer dude who loved marijuana so much that he'd done "everything but drink the bong water."

And then there's his storied history as a climate change denier, where he was way ahead of most nuts. None of that wimpy "I'm not a scientist" or "the climate has always been changing" for him! He once joked that silly scientists claimed "dinosaur flatulence" caused prehistoric global warming. More recently, he tried to suggest maybe clear-cutting the Amazon rainforest would be fine as long as each old tree that got cut down was replaced with a baby tree. He also objected to the term "climate change deniers" because it put perfectly reasonable people who reject science in the same category as those who say the Holocaust never happened, and oh dear, isn't that UNFAIR?

THAT, sir, is simply a step too far, because Dana Rohrabacher KNOWS about science, as he showed off in a 2017 hearing where he grilled NASA scientists on the burning question of whether there was evidence of "civilization" on Mars, just a few "thousand" years ago:

The unlucky scientist who had to address that pile of stupid was Ken Farley, project scientist for NASA's Mars 2020, who patiently explained that, no, "the evidence is that Mars was different billions of years ago, not thousands of years ago," and not only did we not find any evidence of civilization on Mars, we might be really challenged to find it in Orange County, either. Ain't no kind of place to raise your kids.

He also explained that the Nazis in Charlottesville, Virginia, weren't Nazis at all, but rather, a bunch of "dumb Civil War re-enactors" hired by a Hillary or Bernie supporter to make Donald Trump look bad, although we're not sure how the leftist puppet masters forced Trump say there were very fine people on both sides.

And let us not forget Rohrabacher's sad, outdated bid to bring the loons out to vote for him by bravely advocating for the inalienable right of homeowners to refuse to sell houses to gay people, which surprisingly only lost him the support of Realtors™, while not even engaging what he must have supposed was the huge "I'd never sell my pricey OC home to somebody with lots of disposable income if they were gay" constituency.

But it was Rohrbacher's chumminess with Russia -- oh, lordy, he's carried SO MUCH WATER for Russia we're surprised Trump hasn't accused him of causing all the wildfires -- that appears to have doomed his bid for re-election. His opponent (or successor, yay!), Harley Rouda, hit Rohrabacher/Russia/Trumphard in ads. Rouda isn't some crazy lefty, but rather a former Republican who positioned himself as a reasonable guy grown sick of all Rohrabacher's shenanigans.

So now Dana Rohrabacher has to vacate the House. Let's hope he leaves the place in better shape than his filth-palace rental home, in which he was apparently trying to win a spot on "Hoarders":

Massive black stains and muck covered the carpet throughout the home. Sticky grime encased damaged, rusted appliances. Denied water, once-thriving outside plants and grass dried up and died. Blinds were cracked. Black dirt ruined the appearance of once-sparkling tile floors. Walls inexplicably contained odd holes, nail polish, wax and some smelly substance that may have been feces. [...]

Every toilet seat in the house was broken. The ceilings showed smoke damage. Light switches had been cracked. Clumps of hair and remnants of what may have been balloons or some other rubbery material clogged sinks. Cracks scarred doors. Thick, solidified grease rendered the air-suction vent above the kitchen stove useless. Bathroom towel bars were missing, and vanities suffered water damage.

A second-floor suite used by Dana's wife, Rhonda, as her bedroom contained a huge, mysterious, lubricant-like stain -- something you might expect on the floor of a Hollywood sex club -- that had seeped through thick carpet and padding to tarnish a hardwood floor. The dishwasher wasn't functioning. A wooden chair in the back yard had been crushed, and phone lines were strangely severed. An overflowing tub cracked a ceiling with water damage.

And, no joke, white maggots squirmed underneath a kitchen stove that may not have ever been cleaned during Rohrabacher's $3,350-per-month occupancy[.]

Note to the Ecuadorian Embassy: you have enough problems with Julian Assange. Don't let his buddy Dana move in, OK?

[Mother Jones / LAT / Mother Jones / OC Weekly]

When the going gets weird, Yr Wonkette has prose. Send us money and we'll gonzo your socks off.

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc