Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore Rubbing His Judicial Wang All Over Gay Marriage Again

That's probably what fucked his brain up so bad.

[contextly_sidebar id="WvdwBf9MHOPkllNrBeOLN4mUm82igK6D"]Alabama's Supreme Court Bubba Justice-In-Chief Roy Moore woke up on the wrong side of history again this morning. Again, oh my god yes again, and MONTHS after marriage equality became the law of the goddamned entire United States of America Which Includes Alabama, Moore has issued a new order that says, in its best Foghorn Leghorn voice, "I say, I say, NO FUCKIN' ADAM AND STEVE MARRIAGE IN ALABAMMY, NOT NEVER":

Chief Justice Roy Moore issued an order today saying that a ruling issued last March by the Alabama Supreme Court remains in effect and that probate judges "have a ministerial duty not to issue any marriage license contrary" to Alabama's law and constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.

In a four-page administrative order, Moore said the conflict between the state court ruling and the U.S. Supreme Court ruling in June has caused "confusion and uncertainty" among probate judges.

We're going to go out on a limb and guess most things in life cause Roy Moore "confusion and uncertainty," like magnets, bananas, and why it feels so good when he "accidentally" gets his wife's vibrator stuck in his pooter canyon.

You remember Moore, right? Before the United States Supreme Court decided that hooray, we are the gayest nation on earth, a godless federal judge named Callie V.S. Granade decided Alabama's ban on same-sex marriage was kinda sorta unconstitutional, a ruling what got right up underneath Moore's judicial robes and tickled his nuts in a bad touch kind of way. So he blocked the courthouse door like a typical Alabamian, because he knows double-boner marriages are against God's rules, which are more supremer than some dumb federal judge's rules.

[contextly_sidebar id="BnuShdwaVIh8UMjl5Kri1oAogO5w51DD"]He ALSO knows God's rules (which are written in tiny calligraphy on Roy Moore's asshair, in case he ever needs to brush up on them) are bigger than the Supreme Court's rules, so when the Supreme Court ruled on the whole shebang in June, he threw hisself a right hissy fit over it, declaring "Not in Alabama!" and blah blah fuck him in the brain hole, you get the idea.

According to the New Civil Rights Movement, what's so cotton-fuckin' confusin' to Moore -- STILL -- is how if the U.S. Supreme Court ruling was about Michigan, Kentucky, Tennessee and Ohio, then which-a them states is Alabama? None of 'em! Therefore it doesn't count, right? Fucking seriously, this state supreme court chief justice does not understand that when the Supreme Court rules on these sorts of cases, it rules on ALL THE STATES, GODDAMMIT.

So will the probate judges obey the decree of the mighty Roy Moore, who sitteth at the right hand of God? Well, Mobile County has stopped issuing ALL licenses, because they are A Idiot, but the probate judge in Montgomery tweeted that Moore can fuck right off:

Fucking hell, this shit is so 2015.

[ / The New Civil Rights Movement]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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