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Not actually the judge who issued the order.


Do you recall Alabama federal district court judge Callie V.S. Granade? She is the lady who, months before the United States Supreme Court struck down all the gay marriage bans, ruled that Alabama's sad little gay marriage ban was unconstitutional, and that Alabama should go suck on a bag of dicks. Yes, all the way back in February of 2015.

So would you believe that she is having to issue an order to tell the state to do what the U.S. Supreme Court fucking said, you idiots, or she will pull this car over right now?

A federal judge ruled this week that Alabama officials must abide by the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling legalizing same-sex marriage despite contrary statements by the Alabama Supreme Court– a victory for the SPLC and other civil rights groups that fought to secure marriage equality in the state.

The permanent injunction issued by U.S. District Judge Callie V. Granade, which applies to the attorney general and all probate judges in Alabama, mandates that state officials issue same-sex marriage licenses and recognize such marriages in accordance with the high court’s ruling last year. The district court’s ruling comes after the Alabama Supreme Court refused to withdraw an order earlier this year that said the state was not bound by a federal court decision that struck down the state’s same-sex marriage ban months before the U.S. Supreme Court’s historic ruling in June 2015.

As if this wasn't fucking clear already.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/576327/alabamas-roy-moore-will-appeal-scotus-marriage-ruling-directly-to-god"></a>[/wonkbar]If you'll remember, currently suspended Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore has been on a literal burlesque ride of #dumbass the past year, first because of Granade's ruling (which the U.S. Supreme Court upheld by refusing to stop all the gay marriages), and then when the Supreme Court said, "Yeah. Gay marriage. Cool. Stop bothering us." Moore threw a TANTRUM when that happened. He's just really sure he's had a private conversation with Almighty God, who told him Supreme Court rulings are fake and stupid, so therefore he doesn't have to follow them, especially if they are faggy and gay.

In January of this year, Moore issued an order saying that Alabammy ain't never been interested in none-a-them ho-mo-sexual marriages, and that probate judges in the state should refuses to issue marriage licenses. That was the little stunt that got his ass suspended.

So now that dipshit Moore is being forced to stay at home and play with himself, since he's not qualified to be anywhere near an actual court of law, Granade is saying, "Yeah, so ... did I mention that you should do what I fucking said, and what the Supreme Court said? You should. Because it's the goddamn law, the Supreme Court said so, and I fucking said so, and also too you all need to lick my balls." Seriously, that's exactly what the order says! (No it doesn't, we are teasing, it's much more professional than that.)

Will this be the end of the Alabama gay marriage battles? Hahahaha, we are talking about Alabama, the state whose only claim to fame is that it's not Mississippi. We're quite certain there will be more stupid-ass updates to this story, and we will be sure to report them at you.

[SPLC / Judge's order]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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