Alabama House Speaker Goin' To Pokey For Bein' A Big Ol' Thief-Man Allegedly

Hey, Alabama House Speaker Mike Hubbard! Whatcha doin'? Oh, getting arrested on23 counts of felony corruption? Well, that sounds about right. What did you do, steer a whole bunch of fake contracts to yourself and third parties who were really just shell companies for you, while you were head of the Alabama GOP? That's what it sounds like? Well, boys will be boys, ain't that right, fella?

Won't you splainer the counts for us,

  • Four counts of using of his office as Chairman of the Alabama Republican Party for personal gain;
  • One count of voting for legislation with a conflict of interest;
  • Eleven counts of soliciting or receiving a thing of value from a lobbyist or principal;
  • Two counts of using his office as a member of the Alabama House of Representatives for personal gain;
  • Four Counts of lobbying an executive department or agency for a fee;
  • One count of using state equipment, materials, etc. for private gain.

Oh please, is any of that even illegal? We don't even see a bribe menu, or a dirty hot tub full of hooers.

Tell us it was a witch hunt, Speaker Hubbard!

"Friends, if there was any doubt that this was a political witch hunt, I think it is pretty clear right now that is exactly what it is," Hubbard said. "This has been going on for two years, dragging on and on, and here they come two weeks before an election and make these allegations. The fact is that we've done some great things in this state and some powerful people don't like it."

Have you? Have you done some great things in the state? Which great thing do you mean? The law saying fetuses will get their own lawyers? Or where your AG wanted to outlaw buttsechs or he wouldn't be able to prosecute rape?

Because we haven't seen many other "great things" you guys have been up to, mostly because you are Alabama :(

Anyways, good luck staying out of prison, but at least you're not a woman going to prison -- because hoooooo boy, that would suck! -- for "reason."


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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