Alabama Idiot Sorry For Murdering Tree As Love Offering To Donald Trump

Totally essential. (Pic via some Breitbart dude on Twitter. )

IMAGINE: It's Christmastime and the barely elected fascist savior of America is a-comin' to Alabammy to let Alabammy idiots mash their furry paws together and raise their idiot voices in praise of the autocratic thug with the bad hair and face, so what do you do? Well, a rally like that calls for a Christmas tree, of course! So do you go to Big Lots and buy a cheap piece of crap tree, because screw Donald Trump? No way! Do you go to Saks and get a gold-plated luxurious artificial tree, and instead of an angel or a star on top, you put a big figurine of Trump elegantly grabbing everybody by the pussy? That could work, but nah. Do you go buy a real Christmas tree from a real Christmas tree farm, to present to Dear Leader? NO WAY, BUBBA, that's not a meaningful gift from your heart!

No, instead you go to a public park and you murder a tree, a special tree, A CHOSEN TREE, a FIFTY GOLDANG FOOT TALL TREE, to bestow upon the thin-skinned despot, for your rally. That is what you do. It is the only appropriate thing:

The chief of staff to Mobile Mayor Sandy Stimpson issued a public apology Sunday for his responsibility in having a cedar tree cut down at Public Safety Memorial Park Friday and transported to Ladd-Peebles Stadium as a prop during President-elect Donald Trump's rally on Saturday.

Colby Cooper, who has been Stimpson's chief of staff since 2013, said he became "overzealous" in making sure "every detail was covered and the expectations" of Trump's team were exceeded ahead of Saturday's televised rally.

"I now know that there are citizens who are upset and offended that a tree from a city park was used as part of the decorations for the event," Cooper said in a statement sent out to the local media. "I accept full responsibility for having this done. For this, I sincerely apologize. Going forward, I will be more sensitive to the spectrum of concerns regarding trees."

Colby Cooper will be "more sensitive" about whacking trees to death for no reason in the future, as he has learned his lesson, and is definitely not sneering sarcastically. He will not take chainsaws to them, and then decorate them in honor of our beloved leader, and also use them to cover up the scoreboard at the venue where the rally was held. Now, it may be that Trump does not trust scoreboards, as some funny hijinks-doer might be tempted to display the running popular vote total for the US American election on them, which would severely distract Trump from Making America Great Again. And he is so easily distracted anyway!

We checked Trump's Twitter to see if he is sorry that Christmas tree died for his sins, but his only tweet about Alabama is this stupid picture of a buncha dumb people hanging on to the puss-grabber's every mangled word:

Know what was #MadeInTheUSA, Donald Trump? That tree. Pfffffft, Wonkette hates everything now, goodbye.

[ AL.com ]