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Pic would be funnier if it wasn't so goddamned appropriate.


You know those quickie mart type places. You might even have one in your neighborhood, a little hole in the wall owned by the loveliest Middle Eastern couple who might be Muslim, might be Eastern Orthodox, you really don't know. Hell, they might spend their off days watching the Church Of Netflix. It's just a shame how they send every dollar they make back to Pakarabiastan to buy suicide vests for Allah's children, otherwise this one very nice Alabama state Rep. Alan Harper (R-Ya Think?) might keep patronizing them.

Oh well, though. A Christian Alabama lawmaker's gotta do what he's gotta do. Take it away on Facebook, you ass-munching cat fart:

I have posted regarding this issue once before and believe it worth another read. As you travel during the holidays or any other time, please try to shop and purchase gas and other items at American owned stores. The C stores/tobacco outlets, etc. with the lights around the windows and doors are not owned by God fearing Christians. In large part, these stores are owned by folk that send their profits back to their homeland and then in turn use these funds against our country to create turmoil, fear and in some cases death and destruction. I realize I am "painting with a broad brush" here, but the madness has to stop. Please join me in making the extra effort to never support these stores/shops! I am trying to do my part and I know you will to.

You can always tell the "lights around the windows and doors" because they ALWAYS, 1000 percent of the time, point directly toward Mecca, and if you squint real hard and stick your dirty fingernails all the way into your brains, you can see the Mooselem terrorist vapors casting a glow upon the entire land. 

And he knows this because??? Shut up, you obviously don't love America like he does, and your daddy obviously didn't learn you how the world works, not like Rep. Harper's did. Because he knows he is "painting with a broad brush," but what else is a dumb pussy conservative lawmaker who probably can't spell the name of the cousin he's fucking with both hands, a cheat sheet, and somebody else's brain to do?

Of course, the America-haters did the liberal agenda by copy/pasting his words verbatim, so he had to add a Facebook comment about how unfair it is he's getting picked on. Must feel just like the last time he took his special love goat to hang out with his buddies' special love goats in the pasture behind the church, but he forgot to put her collar on so GODDANGIT! They all got mixed up and he doesn't even know if this was the same love goat he had before, even though her fur feels just the same:

God bless each and everyone and God Bless America! Isn't it funny when things are taken out of context. Please buy American every chance you get to build our local economies...where we know the revenues stay here in the good old United States of America! May God Bless!

It's very funny when things are taken out of context! Of course, we don't know how that's possible when people are copying YOUR ENTIRE FACEBOOK POST.

Anyway, God bless right back atcha Rep. Dicksnot. We're sure the Muslim shopkeepers of Alabama would just as soon lose your business.

[Rep. Harper on Facebook via AL.com / also via tipster "Chuck"]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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