Alabama Needs Time To Relax Sphincter For First Gay Marriaging
Alabama has officially joined the bandwagon of Sore Losers who refuse to believe the War on Marriage Equality is over, and the bigots did not win. The state's Supreme Court issued an order Monday, declaring that even though the United States Supreme Court already ruled on Obergefell v. Hodges, Alabama has not decided yet whether that ruling applies (spoiler: it does), so the case is NOT closed:
That is just about the saddest fucking thing we have ever read. The effect of the Supreme Court's ruling that it is unconstitutional to ban gay marriage is that YOU CAN'T DO THAT ANYMORE. Not even in Alabama. Hell, especially not in Alabama.
Also sad? The state's infamous chief justice and wingnut hero, Roy Moore, who had himself a hissy fit over the weekend:
The chief justice, speaking Sunday at Kimberly Church of God, lashed out at the decision, saying he could not accept the ruling as correct. He said it made sin a national right and it was as wrong as the court decisions that allowed slavery.
"Just who do they think they are when one person can reverse 200-and-something years of precedent in our country and thousands of years of precedent in western civilization," Moore said during remarks Sunday at Kimberly Church of God.
Moore also declared the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling "illegitimate." Monday's court order from the far more authoritative Alabama Supreme Court, from which he recused himself, means no gay marriage licenses to gay couples wanting to get gay married, at least for the next 25 days, because it's all so very unclear. Maybe by then the state will have received the memo from the nation's highest court that it is TOO the boss of Alabama, so suck it up and deal. Moore also had himself a hissy fit over the weekend
Moore had previously threatened to appeal any Supreme Court decision on marriage equality directly to God, because where in the Constitution does it say that the United States Supreme Court is the highest judicial authority in America? (Right there, dude. It says so right there, in the Constitution.)
Alabama is just the latest state to enter the denial stage of grief. Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton issued an opinion over the weekend that court clerks don't have to issue marriage licenses to gay couples if it hurts their Jesus feelings, and some dead-enders in other states like Mississippi and Louisiana are a-prayin' and a-hopin' that their fearless leaders will find a way to get out of getting gayed. Sorry, but no such luck. Mississippi Attorney General's Office issued a letter telling court clerks they can go ahead and issue those licenses to The Gays what want to get married. And while the Louisiana Clerks of Court Association advised clerks to also hang on there a sec, let's not be so hasty about gay marrying anyone just yet, some court clerks aren't listening, issuing licenses anyway.
We're sure Alabama, and the other losers, will catch up eventually and realize they're all out of options because this matter is settled. We'd even go so far as to suggest, to those who think only the all-powerful good lord in the sky can decide such issues, that God has spoken, everyone can get married now, and that really is the end.