Noted Bible Explainer Alan Dershowitz Says Prosecuting Trump VERY VERY Un-Bible!

The hits keep coming as all these white conservatives try to explain why their god king perhaps being held accountable for some of his many crimes is the worst injustice ever. As expected, they are starting to speak of Donald Trump as an actual suffering messiah or savior, and you just know they're writing fapping fan fiction about him rising again on the third day. You know they are.

Alan Dershowitz, the greatest lawyer in the world, who was supposed to be speaking at the library in Martha's Vineyard until fascism happened, spoke with Charlie Kirk yesterday about the tribulations their Lord is experiencing, and it was there that they concluded that prosecuting Trump is verily and forsooth against the Bible itself.

It was a very intellectual conversation they were having, and Dershowitz was explaining how Donald Trump has never committed any crimes ever. It's not fair to prosecute Trump for his perfect calls in Georgia, you can't prosecute him for telling his followers to overthrow the government PEACEFULLY, and you can't prosecute him just for stealing and willfully concealing classified documents because WHATABOUTBIDEN and WHATABOUTPENCE. Alan Dershowitz is a very fine lawyer, according to Alan Dershowitz.

Then the conversation got Bible-y.

CHARLIE KIRK: One of the reasons why I think this is really powerful, professor, is that you and I have lots of political differences. And — but we both agree that the justice system, as it's designed in America, if it's properly enacted, is beautiful and is the standard of the world. And — but there are threats to our civil liberties beyond just getting Trump. Can you talk about how this is bigger than Trump, about if you're able to do this to political opponents and dissidents, it sets a bad precedent, it allows prosecutors to go above and beyond, and it actually makes us less free?

This is a conversation between Charlie Kirk and Alan Dershowitz about political persecution.

ALAN DERSHOWITZ: Without a doubt. There was the South American dictator who said, for my friends, everything, for my enemies, the law. You can use the law to get anybody as Justice Jackson said. Or as the KGB head said, show me the man and I'll find you the crime. This is the worst example in my 60 years of practicing criminal law, of targeting somebody for prosecution and then rummaging through the books, giving people immunity and trying to concoct a crime that doesn't exist.

It is the worst one. Oh, the rummaging they had to do, to find a crime Donald Trump may have accidentally committed in the course of performing His daily miracles.

DERSHOWITZ: And if this is allowed to succeed, none of our liberties is safe.

First they came for the people who tried to overthrow the government and stole classified documents and incited terrorist attacks against America and paid off porn stars to keep stories from coming out just before the election, and I said nothing, because I was too foolish to see how this was also an attack on my civil liberties.

Alan Dershowitz saw it.

Maybe you have to be a person who kept their panties on during a massage at Jeffrey Epstein's house to understand.

DERSHOWITZ: You know, today it's a Republican who's a target, tomorrow it's a Democrat. And the day after tomorrow, it's your Uncle Charlie or your nephew or your niece. There'd be no limits on what prosecutors can do to their political enemies.

When they haul your niece away, you'll say if only I had stood up for Donald Trump when Alan Dershowitz told me to.

DERSH: They're going to do it to people who are running against them for DA next. And it's just such a violation, not only a violation of American law and civil liberties, it's actually a violation of the Bible. The Bible instructs judges two things: Don't take bribes, that's obvious. But the number one thing is don't recognize faces. And that's —

KIRK: That's exactly right. Yes, yes. Do not favor anyone in a court. Yes, that's exactly right. Yes. Continue. Sorry.

Yes, yes, that's exactly right, yes, it is against the Bible to prosecute Trump like this, because it is recognizing faces.

Obviously there is no chance Trump ever took bribes either, so we won't even speculate about such things.

DERSH: No, that's — and that's why it violates every core of American values. So, I — this is one of the worst prosecutions I have ever seen.


DERSH: Believe me, I've seen some bad prosecutions, some good ones. I've seen guilty people acquitted and innocent people convicted. But I've never quite seen a prosecution like this, where you had to staple together two unrelated statutes, one federal, one state, violate the statute of limitations, violate the rule of law, and concoct a crime.

Had to violate all the things and just concoct one!

Oh well, we're not convinced. Guess Alan Dershowitz is not a very persuasive lawyer. Let's bury Donald Trump under the jail and throw away all the shovels, because fuck him!

It's morning in America!

[Media Matters]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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