Alan Grayson's Bigamist Wife Has Leaking Boob Sacs, We Are Done Here
Just about everything about Florida Democrat Alan Grayson's divorce from his wife, Lolita (yes really) has been gross and vaguely horrible, like the claim that he assaulted her (or maybe he didn't) and his contention that their marriage was invalid from the get-go because she never properly divorced her first husband.
So of course it only stands to reason that now a trial to determine whether Lolita Grayson was a bigamist has been delayed because of leaky boob implants:
A trial to determine whether U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson's wife committed bigamy when she wed the congressman has been delayed because she required emergency surgery to remove breast implants.
The trial had been scheduled for Thursday in Orlando but is now set for March.
Lolita Grayson had been suffering chest pains. When she went to a hospital to get checked out, she was told she needed emergency surgery to remove the leaking implants and scar tissue, according to court papers filed this week.
Or maybe this is all just a terrible misunderstanding from the time that Lolita went in for the implant surgery and told Alan that he was going to just "love a bigger me."
[contextly_sidebar id="VwsfOpc31Lj9JdUK9NyWeiWfVNT6aZFg"]On the one hand, Yr Wonkette is loath to make light of the possible pain and distress that Ms. Grayson may be suffering. After all, we made some pissy little jokes about Harry Reid getting hurt while exercising, and now it looks like he needs surgery to save his eye, and we feel like monsters. On the other hand, Yr Wonkette also has a reputation for snickering juvenile unseriousness to uphold, so there's that, plus "exploding boobies." So you see our dilemma. Plus, pretty much everything else in the Graysons' divorce case has been a freakshow:
Lolita Grayson sued her husband for divorce last year after 24 years of marriage. But Alan Grayson says the marriage was invalid because she was never divorced from her first husband at the time of their union in 1990.
Lolita Grayson says she was divorced.
We don't know, we feel like that would be a really easy thing to prove, like, here are my divorce papers, see? Or, here are her divorce papers four years too late, also see? Instead, we're getting a whole trial on the thing, and it's derailed by oozing gazongas.
Anything else leaking? Lolita Grayson says "her roof," with water pouring in when it rains, and toxic killer mold that has achieved sentience and wants its own allowance. For his part, Alan Grayson says he's spending over $10,000 on the home's mortgage, child support, and household expenses.
Divorces just turn some people crazy, and frankly, Yr Wonkette wants a protection order from any more news of the Graysons. Needless to say, even the need for emergency surgery has become a point of contention between the two:
Grayson's attorney, Mark NeJame, raised doubts about the timing of the surgery.
"Of course, if she has a true medical complication, we want her to take care of it," NeJame said. "It is ironic that in all the decades she has had the implants, on the very eve of a hearing in which there is a chance this purported marriage will be invalidated, that this issue surfaces."
Surfaces? Like pus in a boil? OR ERUPTS???
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.