Don Young, he's this guy. Congressman from Alaska.Calls people wetbacks. Did whatever this was. Reacts pretty bizarrely when anyone touches his arm.

You know: totally normal behavior. So who accidentally touched Don Young's arm this week? And will that person get murdered? Yes.

[Young's opponent Forrest Dunbar] said the two were walking near each other backstage [before their debate] when Young said angrily, “You're not from Cordova any more than I’m from Fort Yukon. I had you looked into.”

Dunbar, raised in that Southcentral Alaska town after his family moved there from Eagle in the Interior when he was a child, said he tried politely responding to Young. Young grew up in California and moved to Alaska as a young man, not long after serving in the U.S. Army in the mid-1950s.

Dunbar, who now lives in Anchorage, said he was puzzled and in a friendly gesture touched Young on his arm lightly and asked: “What are you talking about?” Then:

“He freaked out,” said Dunbar. “There is no other way to describe it.

“He kind of snarled at me and said, ‘Don’t you ever touch me. Don’t ever touch me. The last guy who touched me ended up on the ground dead,’” said Dunbar.

But we just saw the last guy who touched Don Young, and he did not "end up on the ground," "DEAD." He made a face at the camera and mouthed "OW!" So Don Young is a liar as well as a crazy person. Unless we should be looking for some other missing staffers? Say, could Don Young have been in the woods when Chandra Levy went jogging, and she accidentally brushed up against him? Maybe he was in Joe Scarborough's office, and Joe Scarborough's intern touched his arm when she brought him a cup of coffee! You guys, maybe we owe Joe Scarborough an apology about that intern we keep asking whether he raped and murdered? Hahaha, just kidding, of course we don't. Don Young is a crazy person, and also a confessed murderer. But Joe Scarborough probably definitely raped and murdered that intern, it would be irresponsible not to proclaim.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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