Alaska's Don Young: Let Wolves Kill All The Homeless People, Then We Can Kill All The Wolves!
You will be pleased to know that Alaska's Republican Rep. Don Young has opened his mouth hole again. Did he say that people commit suicide because their friends and families aren't supportive enough? Did he confess to murdering somebody for touching him on the arm? Did he wax nostalgically about his days on the farm, what with the "wetbacks" pickin' all their tomatoes? NO, those were other times he opened the latch on his brain and let things spew forth. This time he just said that hey, you know what would fix homelessness? Wolves would fix homelessness, all y'all cities got homeless people because you ain't got no wolves runnin' free:
Alaska Republican Rep. Don Young, famous for his salty tongue and brusque demeanor, suggested Thursday that if he let loose wolves in some congressional districts, they “wouldn’t have a homeless problem anymore.”
“How many of you have got wolves in your district?” he asked. “None. None. Not one.”
“They haven’t got a damn wolf in their whole district,” Young continued. “I’d like to introduce them in your district. If I introduced them in your district, you wouldn’t have a homeless problem anymore.”
GET IT? Because if your dumb cities had Alaskan wolves, which Young reportedly really wishes weren't on the list of endangered species anymore, they could run around the city and eat the homeless people! Why did we never think of this before, everybody in Congress is FIRED for never figuring out how to use hungry, hungry wolves to hunt homeless people.
The Washington Post reports that Young's people say Congressman Young was just exaggerating, because dumb folks in Washington don't understand how important it is to be able to kill wolves. If you don't kill all the wolves, they will come to town to eat your homeless people, heh heh, that would be pretty great, right? Don Young had no idea what the fuck he was saying at that point, we're pretty sure.
Maybe Don Young and Sarah Palin could have a reality teevee show together, where they could save all the cities -- you know, the shitty non-Alaskan ones -- from the scourge of both homeless people and wolves. It would go like this: Sarah and Don would walk around some town, I dunno, let's say Baltimore, and they would find all the homeless people and hide meat in their pockets. Then Don Young would call them all wetbacks. Then they would release some wolves, who would smell the cold cuts Sarah and Don hid in the homeless people's pockets, and they would eat them alive. Then Sarah would get a text message that says Bristol had a new baby, do you want it, Mom? Then Sarah and Don would go up in a helicopter so she could shoot all the wolves what had just gotten their bellies full on fresh, free-range homelessness.
It would be a good show! It would come on right after "Duck Dynasty," and your dumb redneck Uncle Bubba or Uncle Darryl or whatever his name is, he would watch it.
Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.
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